Anxiety

I can’t pinpoint when my anxiety started but I can tell you when I realized something was not right. It was a day in early August when my husband and his employees moved their offices out of our house.

Now you would think that I would be thrilled about that. I mean, we had dreamed of having our house and privacy back for so long. But when I was faced with that reality, something fragile, a tiny thread that was my last connection to logic and rationale, snapped.

The day of the move, we loaded boxes into his pickup. As he backed out of the garage, I felt irrationally frightened. It was as if I was watching the one person who could save me, had been saving me, abandon me. I felt crushed.

When the external garage door closed, my smile faded and my waving hand fell to my side. My face crumpled. My breath caught in my throat and I felt the tears prick and burn my eyes. I took a huge gulp of air and started sobbing. In an effort to find comfort and to try to run away from the problem, I, in the style of my childhood, raced into our bedroom shutting the door on the fly. I threw myself on to our bed, curled up in the fetal position and cried. I was thinking that I should be happy but I clearly was not.

A few months prior to this, I was confronted with a situation that undid months and months of my emotional progress. My husband and I were having an alcohol fueled (tsk, tsk! I know better!) heated discussion about it and I remember saying, “This is too hard. Why does this have to be so fucking hard?! Oh my God! I wish I was dead.”

I want to be crystal clear, dear readers, I was not thinking of suicide as I do not believe in it for spiritual reasons. I also knew I needed to be here and stay healthy for my little girl. The truth is, I just didn’t want to be here anymore, on Earth. If I, say, happened to be in an auto accident, I wouldn’t fight to stay here. The thing is, at that moment, I was in such intense, deep emotional pain and I couldn’t see my way out of it. I just wanted the pain to stop.

Looking back, my outburst was a verbal cry for help. I’m still not sure exactly who the cry was meant to be heard by; me or him. But, in the blink of an eye, the external and internal conversations moved on. Sadly, even that admission wasn’t enough for me to understand how far I had fallen from my true self.

I told one of my besties about my admission and she, professionally trained to look for these signs, questioned me intently about it. I told her what I believed and that was I would NEVER commit suicide. I didn’t believe in it as I knew that I would have to relive every craptastic thing I had gone through in this lifetime again. No. No thank you. Not for all the high-end coffee in Costa Rica. What I didn’t know is that over the next few months my chemical imbalance and emotional health would continue to deteriorate until I barely recognized my emotional self.

1403676644_0988b697a9_m40 million adults in the United States have anxiety[i]. One-third get help. That leaves two-thirds, TWO-THIRDS, that don’t.

What I also ignored or attributed to something else was the physical symptoms. My hands would uncontrollably shake, my mouth would be dry, my heart would race. I even went to the doctor thinking I had high blood pressure. My insomnia worsened, I cried alot and I had the most illogical, neurotic thoughts. I found myself being overly impatient and quick to anger, especially with our daughter. I chalked this up to just being stressed or needing a night or two off from being a momma.

One night in late August my husband came home late, very late. It’s nothing new, in fact, it’s quite normal and it shouldn’t have affected me like it did, but that night I was a train wreck. I was neurotic and imagined all sorts of heinous activities on his part. I was convinced he was doing something nefarious or was dead. I called his phone and had my irrational suspicions confirmed when he didn’t answer. I sent a text to him saying that I was frightened. My heart was beating a million miles a minute. I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. A few minutes later he walked through the door.

I raced into his arms, viscerally sobbing in relief. I hugged him like he was my breath. I shook uncontrollably and babbled incoherently through a deluge of tears. He hugged me and said, “Honey. Honey! What is going on? This is not like you. Honey. What is going on?!”  I pulled back and relief-sobbed that I had been imagining all sorts of horrible things happening to him and because of him.  I told him I was so frightened. He continued to hug me and said this wasn’t like me.

I clung to him in our bed that night like I was his second skin. I needed to talk with him about what I was feeling but when…when?  The next morning, after only a few hours (or minutes) of sleep, I completely lost my shit in the shower. I felt completely overwhelmed and paralyzed.  My best friend, the one I confided in whole-heartedly, my forever husband, was someone I was now struggling to speak with.

I exited the shower, robotically dried myself off and burst into tears again. I was miserable. I wrapped the towel loosely around myself and walked, zombie-like, into our bedroom. My husband, just clearing the sleep from his eyes, took one look at me and said, “Oh my God. Honey! What’s wrong!?”

My tears broke free and I sobbed while saying, “I don’t know. I think I’m broken. I need help. Something’s wrong with me. I thought I was doing ok, but after last night and this morning, I know I’m not. I’m having horrible thoughts and my neuroticism is not fair to you. I think I’m suffering from PTSD or anxiety. I need help. I’m going to call my midwife about anxiety medicine and try to find a counselor today. I’m a fucking mess.”

Then I cleared the tears from my eyes, wiped the snot from face with the back of my arm and locked my swollen, blood shot, tired eyes on his. The energy surrounding us became palpable. I took a deep breath and said, “I don’t know what I’m capable of. I don’t think I would ever hurt myself but I’m NOT myself right now. I’m just….broken. Can you either hide the guns or the ammunition immediately, please?” He didn’t question me, he just did as I requested.

I scheduled an appointment with my midwife and found a counselor that morning. My midwife started me on an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant. The counselor saw me that week.

I’m a good mix of believing in Eastern and Western medicine. I believe they both have their places in my life. What I was doing with Eastern medicine wasn’t helping so I immediately sought out Western medicine. I also believe that pills are just a band aide and that I have to address the problem, hence the trained counselor.  I previously wrote a blog called “Crazy” that spoke of how powerful the mind was and how it can control your body. My physical anxiety symptoms proved that, yet again, to me.

The medication and counseling have had a vastly positive effect on me. I feel “normal” again,  like the old chemically balanced me. All thoughts of not wanting to be here have vanished. Everything isn’t oppressive and I’ve even caught myself genuinely belly laughing. The first time that happened I thought, “What was THAT?! How long has it been since I’ve laughed this way?”

Like a broken record, I consider myself one of the lucky ones.  Not only did I recognize something had changed in my brain, but I asked for and received help. Have you?


[i] https://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics

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Mahalum

She’s been coming to see, off and on, for years. She is an artist, a painter, a writer, a photographer. She earns her living by marketing for a local non-profit. Our Intuitive Reiki sessions are often filled with whimsical colors that she often incorporates into her art.

I love our sessions; she is never demanding and always respectful. She is understanding of my limits and accepts that I don’t have all the answers. She recognizes the worth of Reiki and she delights in my “humanness.”  Our sessions have been nothing short of reverent.

She is, thankfully, the poster child for the norm in my Intuitive Reiki business. I’m writing about her, specifically, because of something that caused my jaw to drop to the floor. I could be writing about any of my clients as I’ve had these moments before. But this one? This one left me shaken in a crikey, Scoob! kind of way.

When she entered my office she said she felt like a bird in a cage. She wanted some direction as to what she should do next. As she was telling me this I heard the word, “book” so when she finished I told her just that. Her hazel eyes misted over, she smiled and her hand went to her upper chest. She said she SO wants to write a book. I tilted my head and smiled a little “well, there you go” smile.

Our session began like any other. As is often the case, the Guys love to pepper her sessions with some inanity. They recently told her not to walk away from an impulse buy or she would regret it. They tell her she’s taking life to seriously; she needs more laughter. They tell her to urge her daughter to reconsider how she’s wearing her hair in her wedding. Yes, seriously.

I chuckle at this stuff, but it’s no secret my angels deal with the spiritual so each one of these seemingly trivial things is designed for my client to grow/heal spiritually. My client gets that and doesn’t dismiss these lighter toned messages.

The energy changed to all business when I quit channeling and began delivering pure Reiki to the top of her head. I heard that this session wasn’t going to be as relaxing as her previous sessions; it would be more intense. I relayed this information to her and as is her usual, she accepted it with grace.

It’s not often anymore that I’m led to telepathically infuse the Reiki symbols during a session but this time I was. Sort of. I began with the first two symbols you learn in Reiki II and then I heard, “Mahalum.”  Whaaa? That’s not a Reiki symbol. What is THAT? Mahalo? Mahalum? I shrugged my shoulders, mentally cleared my mind and tried again. I repeated the two accepted healing symbols and when it was time for me intone the sequential third, I once again heard, “Mahalum.”

Well, what the WHAT?! Mahalum? What IS that? I had no idea but went with it. As is the standard, I repeated the name of the two symbols again and then “Mahalum” was again inserted.  I thought it was just so odd as you don’t muck with the Reiki symbols. Ever. I have great respect for these symbols as they are powerful little things. To just throw a “Mahalum” in there floored me.

After her session ended, I looked up Mahalum in my trusty 1986 dictionary. Hummm… Mahalum. Nope, nothing and that’s normally where I’d leave it. But something was “encouraging” me to look further. I typed, “Mahalum” into my search engine and nothing came up in the drop down box.

I left it at that and talked some more with my client but it was still bugging me. My client said it would come up for her somewhere in some unexpected way. She was fine with that but I picked up my phone again and entered, “Mahalum” and this time I pressed the magnifying glass (search) button and don’t you know, low and behold, there was information on this word. It was in Hindi so I had it translated to English and my eyes, which have spiritually seen so much, become as large as the eyes of an owl.

My jaw hit the floor. I looked at her and then back to the google search results. I read the answer again and then I looked up at her slightly shaking my head in disbelief. I managed to stammer a very unprofessional, “Holy SHIT! You are NOT going to believe this!” before my mouth fell open again. I was having so much trouble coming to grips with what I was reading.

While I was getting my freak out on, she calmly sat leaning forward in her chair and didn’t say a word. She knew I’d get there eventually and no worry crossed her face. She patiently gazed at me as she had a hundred times.

I stammered again, “You, uhhh, you are NOT going to believe this. Ok. Ok” as if I was talking myself into doing something. Yes, that was how astounded I was at what I was reading and how deeply my intuitive abilities sometimes flat out flabbergast me. I looked at her, took a deep breath and said, “Mahalum is Hindi for “to write.”

book

Exit

“Dad?” I asked, “Can you see the angel at the foot of your bed, standing by the wall?” He said he couldn’t but I could and what I saw made me nervous.

My dad was succumbing to the cancer that was eating him alive. He was in a hospital bed and I was sitting with him. The ‘old’ me never would have asked my highly logical and unspiritual dad if he could see an angel. I mean, HELLO! Looney bin?! But I wasn’t the ‘old’ me any longer and my dad was dying, literally, in front of me.

When dad first told me he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, I adamantly denied this. I ‘saw’ a white spot inside his shoulder and told him it wasn’t cancer, as cancer would be black. I kept saying, “It’s not cancer. You don’t have cancer” and he would quietly respond, “Yes, I do.”

When I asked my Guys (Guardian Angels) about this, they told me it WASN’T cancer. They said the medical community didn’t know how to classify this and with all things unknown, they lumped them into the cancer category. Whether this is true or not, I don’t know.

My sister, brother and I would tag team taking care of dad until it was no longer possible for him to live in the house he wanted to die in. Through all of this, dad was open to me giving him Reiki and would often request it as he said it helped with the overall pain and with the burning sensation from his radiation treatments.

So when I glanced up from my dad’s hospital bed and saw an angel all in black, I became frightened. Nothing about his demeanor was frightening, though. He was casually posed with his back against the wall. One of his legs was bent and his foot was resting on the wall. He had jet black, silky wings, dark hair, light skin and black eyes (no white sclera’s). He was incredibly handsome and had a powerful, yet calming, presence.

I didn’t sense animosity or evil but because Hollywood has depicted black as malevolent, I was afraid he was there to harm my dad. I became even more protective of my father and telepathically said, ‘You’re not welcome here. You need to leave. Now.’ When I looked again, the angel had complied with my wish. He was gone and I was  shaking.

A few days later, when my dad was no longer able to breathe without assistance and his heart was the only organ that was still unfailingly functioning, I saw this angel again. His demeanor had changed though. Previously it felt like he was just observing or seeing how things were going. This time, his head was bent and his hands were clasped in front of him. It looked as if he was paying his respects or mourning with us.

I knew then that this angel wasn’t there to harm my dad. He was there to take my dad Home. Maybe I knew that when he first made an appearance but I didn’t want to believe it. I am an eternal optimist and believed my dad, through a miracle, could/would get better almost up until the point his heart quit beating.

As us three kids sat around our father’s hospital bed, my dad died.  I wouldn’t have known it physically, but I happened to look up and saw a see-through version of my dad standing at the foot of his bed. The angel stood behind and slightly to the side of him.

The image of my dad was that of a man who was much younger; he was in his early forties. He was wearing a black suit with a thin black tie and a white shirt. His head was bowed and his hands were clasped. It felt like my dad, too, was paying his respects. It all felt very somber.

I glanced back at the physical body my dad’s soul inhabited for 84 years. He was no longer there. I again looked at the astral version of my dad and he WAS still there. A sad, peaceful smile formed on my face. I was overcome with relief that my dad was no longer in agony and he was going somewhere where there was no pain and lots of fabulous golf courses. I also knew his pain had ended and mine had just begun. I took so much comfort and felt infinitely blessed being able to see what I did with my intuitive sight.

Dad didn’t look up, not once. He kept his stance of respect until I could no longer see him. I intuitively said, “Dad? I love you. PLEASE let me know when you’ve made it.”

About five months later, I was sitting in our campsite, alone. Trinity was fishing and I was reading a book. I looked up and saw my dad. He was dressed in some hideous checkered golf shorts from the late 70’s and a white golf shirt. He was sitting on a log about 4 feet in front of me. I excitedly and yet casually said, “Hi daddy!” He, ever a man of few words said, “Well, you asked me to tell you when I made it.  I made it. So, I guess that’s it. I’ll bring your mother with me next time.”  I said, “Ok, daddy. I love you” and he replied, “Yep. Guess I love you, too. Well, I’m off then.”  And once again, he was gone. This time though, with his departure, I felt comfort and peace instead of sorrow and loss.

Money

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The relief I needed came in the form of a whisper just as I was falling asleep.  I’ve known for years the Ascended Beings find it easiest to communicate when we are somewhere between drowsiness and stage one of sleep. Even for me, someone who communicates with Guardian Angels all day long, it’s often easiest for them to ‘wow’ me with this type of unexpected and clear communication.

After my divorce, I lived in an apartment. It was only supposed to be temporary, a year tops. I didn’t know when I signed the lease that my banking position was going to be eliminated. I stayed in that apartment for five years. I thought about the money I was wasting by not building equity in a home but if I spent my savings on a home (mortgage), I’d be forced to return to the 8 to 5 (7 to 6?) grind.

Money is my security blanket. I’m a saver, not a spender. Money means having the freedom to do things, buy things and not having to eat ramen noodles or cheesy rice four out of seven nights (cough). So when I decided to skip returning to mainstream Corporate America, one of my – if not the only concern – was financial.

When I started Inner Focus Reiki, it truly was a leap of faith. I knew if I was to do this, I had to continue making my savings last. That meant I had to stretch a dollar even further or risk returning to something I found distasteful. But, all is not lost! I’m not Budget Betty’s daughter for nothing! (Note: “Budget Betty” was an affectionate name us kids gave our mom. She would drive across town to return a loaf of bread if it was 25 cents cheaper elsewhere. She, of course, didn’t calculate the cost of her time and gas money into returning said bread……)

When Trinity and I became serious, I was very clear that I would not return to Corporate America and that this – Reiki – was my passion and my job. He supported me and my decision whole-heartedly. When we run into financial struggles, I repeatedly offer to return to the workplace. He steadfastly and repeatedly says no. (Thank heavens!)

So all these years, ALL THESE YEARS, I have fussed about money. I feel really good about myself when I can save, not spend. And now that I’m part of a family again, there’s something inside of me that wants to feel like I’m earning my keep or doing my (financial) part. I’m almost in a tizzy over it.

When Trinity became self-employed in March, these frantic feelings intensified. I became a crazed fool trying to think of ideas and ways I could bring in more money. It was, as my friend Shannon recently lovingly pointed out, taking some of the fun out of my Work for me.  

When I first started IFR, my goal was to help take away the pain from just one person. That was it.  It wasn’t about the money or having full classes/meditations or even coming up with the next best thing.  No. Not once. It wasn’t about putting money in savings or contributing a larger portion of the financial pie. I just wanted to help people. I told myself if my savings became dangerously low, I’d have to leave IFR and find a ‘day’ job. That, obviously, hasn’t happened but as my family grew, so did my need to feel like I was financially contributing more.

So when the Guys recently whispered that Trinity would soon be bringing in enough money to take the self-imposed financial burden off of me, I was overcome with relief. I didn’t know how much pressure I’d placed upon myself until I heard those words. I thought, “Finally! I can get back to doing what I love and not worry about money!”

As I’m finishing this blog, my mind wanders to all the things I want to accomplish while  under the umbrella of my Work. It also wanders to the dishwasher we had to replace last week, to the clothes washer we replaced this week and to the Reiki 1 class I had to cancel for next week.

Sigh. Breathing. Trusting. Freaking OUT. Breathing.

Aiden

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This is an email from one of my students. I found it to be so powerful and moving that I asked for (and received) permission to publish it. I left it how Lyn wrote it as I didn’t want to diminish her energy, essence and message.

Oh yeah. Grab the kleenix.  And Lyn, thanks for allowing me to share this story with my blog readers.

“You better sit down for this one….

Two weeks ago on Monday, my sister Mary, (who I’ve asked you to send Reiki before) and her husband Jeff had the worst experience a parent could have.  Their sweet 10 year old son, Aiden, died mysteriously in his sleep.  He was a special needs little boy with Fragile X which I may have told you about…so he was 10 but had the mental capacity of about a 5 year old.  He went to school – main streamed – and did so well.  He was a sweet, sweet boy and always asked people if they were happy.

Mary went to wake him up on Monday morning for school and she found him dead on the floor.  To say that this has been a nightmare for both Mary and Jeff is slight.  John and I drove as fast as we could to MN to be with them.  I stayed with them until last Thursday.

There is so much that happened but I wanted to tell you about a few things.  Mary, my aunt, and you are the few I can share some of my experiences because YOU KNOW.

The morning that Aiden died, I woke from a crazy dream about 6am (7 central) where I was frantically trying to call 911 and it was all jumbled up.   Mary was calling 911 at that time.

When I got to her house, she said she was afraid to go back into Aiden’s room because he had died laying on his stomach so he was all purple when she found him – and not the way she wanted to remember Aiden. She asked if I could clear the room. I really didn’t know what the hell I was going to do but thought I’d give it a try.

When I went in the room, there was an extreme heaviness – dark pressure but I knew it wasn’t Aiden. So I opened all the windows used Reiki to fill the room with love and peace – swooshing the dark energy out the windows, putting my hands on the floor where Aiden had laid and tried to calm the area asking for whatever was holding itself in the room to leave. After that, I sat on the bed and was quiet, asking for further guidance. I heard we should change the bedding and put on white sheets and a fresh blanket and Aiden’s favorite blanket, when Mary was ready to do this. I asked Aiden to help his mom release the image of him on the floor and let her know it was not him…it was just the body. And then I left.

Hours later Mary and I both went in the room and it felt light. The next day we changed the bedding and the room remained quiet.

One evening before I went to bed, I went into Aiden’s room (which was right across from the room I was staying in) and knelt on the floor and laid my head down on his soft blanket. Gracie the cat was sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. I was overwhelmed with sadness and I prayed and cried hard. When I stopped and looked up, Gracie was sitting right in front of me with her face an inch away. She looked at me with big brown eyes and reached out her paw and tapped me a couple times on the chest – in a strange, reaching, comforting way.

I left the room. Gracie followed me into my room and hopped up on the bed by me. I looked at her and SHE HAS GREEN EYES. I swear Melissa, when she looked at me she had brown eyes – Aiden has big brown eyes. I didn’t tell Mary for a couple days because I thought I had taken a short ride on the looney train but I know it was real. I believe it was Aiden comforting me.  Mary believed me.

I also gave her Reiki on the day of Aiden’s funeral.  It helped her to clear her mind for a bit and stop thinking.

I continue to send Mary Reiki almost daily and she uses it when she needs calm.  Without Reiki, this incredibly sad situation would have been even sadder.  I (we – as in all the wise ones) were able to share bits of peace and a lot of love through it all.   I am ever so grateful that you and I made our connection and that I better understand how truly POWERFUL it is.  Over the past couple months I have had experiences and your encouragement that have me the confidence to share Reiki without hesitation in a situation where nothing else would help.

Of course Aiden’s death has changed us all but I have a new light in me that I don’t quite have words for…and I’m not trying too hard to label it….because it’s all good!

Your ever grateful student……………..Lyn”

The Guys

How do I even begin to describe the voices I hear or the knowledge I am asked to pass on to my clients? Maybe I should start by how I incorporate Their words into my Work.

I affectionately call a bunch of Arch Angels, Spirit Guides, Guardian Angels and Ascended Beings the ‘Guys.’  It’s not a term I can take credit for as I adopted it from my mentor.

I call my Work “Intuitive Reiki” for two reasons. The first is I intuitively move my hands versus following the traditional Usui Reiki hand positions. The second is, well, I am an Intuitive.

What’s an Intuitive? Intuitive/psychic. PotAYto/poTATo, although I do not personally like the word “Psychic.” For me, the word ‘intuitive’ feels more professional and seems to embody the spiritual aspect of what I do. “Psychic” has a bad connotation for me.

So what IS it that I do? The short answer is I am a channel or a portal for Ascending Beings to communicate with and through. That could mean a relative (alive or deceased), an Angel or a Guide.  I hear, see or sense the energetic outcomes to most physical, spiritual or emotional questions.

Do I see whom I’m talking to? Sometimes, yes. Especially when a relative shows up, an animal totem appears or maybe even a Guide that is there to assist with the Healing. Mainly though, it’s the Guys and I don’t see them as They are pure energy, kind of like air. I just never know who’s going to come to the party.

My Work mainly deals with the spiritual, meaning the Guys want to tell you about your spiritual progress.  They do so in several ways. Sometimes They show me pictures and I’m left to interpret the message. Sometimes They talk and sometimes it’s just a knowing I have.  Sometimes it’s a soft voice, sometimes it’s loud and sometimes it seems to come from several fused voices.

While you’re thinking I’m going to get all Oda Mae on you, my Work isn’t like that. I can’t control who shows up, there’s no rocking of the table and I know my eyes don’t roll in the back of my head.

The Guys are ecstatic to have an open, uncensored, clear channel in which to communicate.  My Guys do not try to scare you or cause fear. These Beings are of high energy and Their first priority is your spiritual growth. The messages I am asked to relate are all aimed at helping you grow.

Sometimes people think I can see that they’re the ones who put the empty milk carton back in the fridge or whatever assorted ‘things’ they are embarrassed by. I assure my clients it doesn’t work that way.  Again, if the Guys are concerned with your spiritual growth, They are not going to waste time telling you that you shouldn’t have tied Tommy’s shoe laces together in the second grade. They have bigger fish to fry.

Part of my charm is that I can only validate what you know. Never should I tell you anything that you are not already aware of. This stuff might be buried deep inside you or housed in your subconscious, but it’s all stuff you know.

I most certainly can answer questions about physical stuff as well (‘Do you see a boyfriend for me? Will I get the promotion? How many children will I have?’).  What I see/hear/sense is accurate for that moment. Because God gave us free will, I make sure each client knows they can change absolutely anything (physical or spiritual) I say.

It should also be noted that it’s not up to me to make your dreams come true or bring to life the visions I’m seeing. I am a mere mortal, after all. I may be able to give you a road map, but you’re going to have to figure out which road to take.

Why? Well, the Guys speak in a very esoteric language. It’s not a ‘do this’ or ‘don’t do that’ approach. With a lot of Their messages, you have to figure out what the meaning is or what you’re supposed to do.  Yes, the Guys DO give specific answers on some stuff, but for the most part, it’s up to you to find the path that leads you to your end goal.

Sometimes, the beauty of the Truth lies in the exact wordage used by the Guys. It’s verbiage that comes from the client’s repertoire, and it’s often repeated back to the client. So if you are an artist, I may find myself saying all sorts of words dealing with color and texture. If you are intelligent, I FOR SURE will be stammering over words I don’t know how to pronounce. I used to be embarrassed by this but now? Pshaw! It’s old hat. Besides, the words are meant for the client, not for me.

There have been cases where I’ve spouted out something like, ‘jambalaya’ and my client doesn’t understand. Gee, I wonder why!  Jambalaya?! When words like that appear or other words are constantly repeated, I have learned to write them down. When our session is over, I look up their meaning (if I can figure out how to spell them, that is). Almost all of the time the words have a spiritual meaning that is relevant to my client.

I’m really no different than you. Truly. We are all intuitive but I chose to grow my gifts so I may be of service to others. My Work is to empower, enlighten and inspire. I believe the Guys help me do just that. In spades.

Forgiveness

Yes, it’s happened again. Just like “Agnostic,” the word “Forgiveness” has been showing up in my life recently. I’ve been hearing it for clients; I see random articles in magazines and just today, something on Facebook. Sigh. I get it. The Guys are gently giving me a message that they feel needs to be addressed.  I know what I need to do.

It wasn’t long ago I was asked by the Powers that Be (aka My Guys/Guardian Angels) to create a channeled meditation on Forgiveness. They wanted us to have a view from their World. The meditation, along with the entire channeled meditation series, was powerful and life changing. Hey, if The Guys are going to come forward and speak about a topic, it’s for the benefit of many.

In the Forgiveness meditation, the Guys start out by saying, “…. Peace starts at home. Forgiveness is the key. We do not harbor hate, anger or even aggression. We harbor love, fulfillment and grace. We embody anger management, wisdom and euphoria.  We do not waste our time on the tiniest of infractions. We do not even give them any more than a glance, a mere glimpse, for to do so would detract from Other’s beauty, therefore detracting from Ours.”

They ask, “If you hate, how do you expect kindness? If you are jealous, how do you expect freedom? If you do not love, how do you expect to be loved?” They go on to tell us the Art of Forgiveness begins within our own heart. They say it was not designed to harbor such animosities or travesties. They say it was built to love and to aid and to be compassionate.

Ahhh…the heart.  Yes, yes.  Each and every time I’m told a client needs to forgive, it’s when I’m working over their heart area. Our heart was not designed to harbor resentment and yet millions of us continue to do so, even if it means literally killing ourselves.

According to an article in Real Simple, scientists agree that holding a serious grudge has a toxic effect on your body. What’s a ‘serious grudge’? Well, according to this article it’s defined as, “repeatedly thinking about an injustice you’ve suffered through a lens of vengeance, hostility, bitterness, resentment, anger, sadness or all of the above.”

Anger poisonSo let’s talk about the physical consequences of keeping such resentment locked inside your ‘heart.’ How about raising your blood pressure? Yep. How about raising your risk of stroke and heart attacks? Again, yes. Those were kind of easy. I mean, if you keep toxins locked inside your ‘heart’, you’re bound to suffer dis-eases of the heart. Leduh. Smarter than a fifth grader.

But did you know you also put yourself at risk of impairing your immune system? Or that your body constantly feels under attack and releases hormones that literally create inflammation? You may be thinking that inflammation is no biggy, but let me educate you. Inflammation is a known cause of arthritis, autoimmune disorders, obesity, fibromyalgia, diabetes, cancer, heart attacks, etc. It really IS a biggy.

What’s more, holding on to deep resentment also appears to aggravate depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders. I’ve just got to ask: Is it worth it? Is it worth being so gawl dang resentful of someone that you literally work yourself into an early grave?

So how do we deal with this overwhelming resentment? Well, a satisfying revenge is one way. We are actually programmed to want to do this. Back in the day, if we exacted revenge on someone, we were ensuring they wouldn’t be able to be naughty again. Revenge is a natural way of protecting ourselves, but it’s not one that I endorse.

The Guys give another option. They ask that you take a look at a powerful memory. They ask you to really examine it. Does it still cause you pain? If so, then mentally step back a little bit until you’re more comfortable viewing it.  Does stepping back allow you to feel calmer, lighter, better? If not, continue to take steps back until you move so far away from the memory that it no longer holds any power over you. For each of you, this paragraph will mean something different.

forgive yourselfThey state we may feel like we’ll never be free of this harsh and hurtful memory but They assure us we will, IF WE CHOOSE. Uh huh…We don’t have to live with the pain, we can choose to be free of it. That’s not saying we’ll forget, it’s just saying we’ll forgive.

How will you know when forgiveness has begun? Well, according to one article contributor, she say’s, “You will know when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”  I agree wholeHEARTEDLY (Oh man! I slid that right in there! Did you see how I did that?! How perfect was that?!!).

To evolve and grow, one must let go of pain. It simply does not exist where we are ultimately headed. If you choose to continue nurturing the pain, there’s a good chance you’ll get ‘there’ quicker than those of us who have allowed forgiveness to reside within our hearts.

Reiki (part III)

(This blog is a continuation of my Reiki (part I) and Reiki (part II) blog.)

Remember earlier I said I was ‘led’ to Reiki? I believe God wanted me to be a Healer so He allowed me to have a disease that I was able to overcome in order to see the profound beauty of Reiki. It was, after all, that disease that led me to Reiki and got me thinking I’d like to help others with this amazing Art.

I want to talk about the levels of Reiki training. There are four of them. Reiki I, Reiki II, Reiki III and Reiki Master. The only fundamental difference between a Reiki I and a Reiki Master is that as a Master, according to Dr. Usui’s system (that’s the one I’m trained in) you can teach Reiki to others.  And teaching is in my blood.

I love, LOVE teaching Reiki. In Reiki I, I get to see newbees eyes widen when they feel the energy of others for the first time. In Reiki II, I get to hear ‘that was so cool’ when we literally send energy to each other and in Reiki III I get to give a beautiful attunement that is unlike any other.

What’s an attunement? Yes, I suppose I should answer that. An attunement is me and the Powers that Be opening up dormant energy centers within you so that you can more efficiently and effectively give Reiki to yourself and others.

The attunement is the reason you should really REALLY find a Reiki Master that you resonate with when searching for Reiki training. Truly, not just anyone will do. You’ll carry or house some of your instructor’s energy after he/she gives you the attunement. Make sure it’s the kind of energy you want.

Do you need to take Reiki classes from a Reiki Master? I feel you do, but that’s just me. There is no substitution for a hands-on class or the feedback/questions you get from other students.  There are on-line courses available, and they are what they are, but for me, I’m not a fan. Again, there is something so dynamic about the energy of certain individuals coming together, learning and bonding in a comfortable, intimate training environment that you can’t get with an on-line course. You won’t be able to experience the wonderment and beauty of the hands-on attunement process either. But that’s just me. You do what you’re led to do.

Does being a Reiki II, III or even a Master make you better than another level? NO! No how, no way, no, no, no. There are individuals out there who are kind of snobby about holding a Reiki Mastery title, but let me tell you, it doesn’t make them any better than a newly attuned Reiki I.

One of the beauties about Reiki is the more you use it, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you use it. If you, as a Reiki I practice Reiki often (whatever ‘often’ means to you, for me the term mean means almost daily), you can literally receive/give more energy than a Reiki III or even a Master. Why? Because Usui Reiki isn’t about titles, it’s about how often you use it.  And yes, that means even if you are just giving Reiki to yourself everyday.

So, should a person experience Reiki before taking the training? Well, that depends. For me, I’m not sure I would have been so gaga over it if I DIDN’T experience it. For others, they jump right in to the training. Whatever is your preference.  A caveat though, some Reiki practitioners, as with any professions, are not ethical, morally responsible or even respectful of their Trade. They do not walk the walk, so to speak. Yes, unfortunately, they are out there.  Please be mindful of that.

If you are thinking about having a session or taking training, here’s some questions you may want to ask if you don’t personally know your Practitioner:

1.     How long have you been doing this? (There’s no right or wrong answer here – experience doesn’t make a practitioner better than one with less, it’s just a piece of the puzzle.)

2.     How often do you receive Reiki? (Personally, I receive Reiki daily, but what you’re looking for here is to see if the Practitioner is active or stagnant in her practice.)

3.     Where did you take your training? (Again, on-line courses are fine. It’s just another piece of the puzzle that needs to fit with your needs.)

4.     How long have you been teaching? (Again, just another piece of the puzzle.)

These are just a few questions that came to mind. What you’re looking for is your level of comfortableness and confidence with this person. Is he/she personable? Professional? Polite? Respectful? Knowledgeable? Do you resonate with their ideas or energy? All things to think about.

I love my job. I really, REALLY do. I can’t imagine doing anything else that would give me such a deep sense of peace. I have so much more to tell you about Reiki, including the miracles I’ve witnessed and how you really can send energy three inches or three thousand miles, but I’ll end it here.

I hope it’s obvious how passionate I am about my Work and the people Reiki has allowed me to help. If Reiki is something you’d like to receive or learn, then find a practitioner that resonates with you.  As my friend MarJean says, “There comes a point in your life where you have to stop asking ‘why’ and start asking ‘why not?’    😉

Note: If you want to share your own Reiki story in the ‘comment’ section of this blog, I encourage you to do so. That way others can  learn from your own amazing personal experiences.

Reiki (part II)

In my last blog, “Reiki (part I)” I was telling you about how I was led (yes, led…you’ll see why I chose that word later) to Reiki.  I was telling you that while you may think Reiki is a cure-all to end all cure-alls based on my own personal Reiki miracle experience, there is so much more that goes into your Healing.

Let me be crystal clear; Reiki is NOT a cure-all but I have seen so many miracles that defy the odds. Again, Reiki is energy work. Reiki goes by a Divine Power (whatever you chose to call that Power) to where it is most needed. So if you go to a Reiki practitioner for a migraine, you may notice your knee feeling better but you still have the headache. You may seek out a treatment to sleep better and then find old achy emotional wounds have been dredged up so you can heal them.   Reiki goes where it needs to go. It isn’t up to the practitioner to control …that all happens at the hands of God (the Universe, Higher Power, whatever your terminology is).

I’d like to also say that I believe if you are meant to die from or have a disease, there is nothing Eastern or Western medicine can do to change that. Even if you have a powerful mind and believe you’ll completely heal, that may not change the cards you were dealt. Sometimes, we are meant to learn life lessons and one of those might be to experience the disease/affliction to its fullest. If Reiki energy is unable to help your disease, it will go where it is most needed (pain, sleep, emotions, etc.).

I’m reminded of a cherished, forward thinking and upbeat older client of mine. He was diagnosed with cancer and refused chemo/radiation. He went with several alternative healing therapies instead.  He repeatedly stated how much better he felt/slept after our Reiki sessions. He did pass away from his disease even though he firmly beleived it wasn’t going to get the better of him.

Once I had a taste of Reiki and saw what it did for me, I couldn’t imagine not knowing more. My thought was if I could take away one person’s pain, even for five minutes, then I would consider myself a HUGE success. I took all my levels of training through Susie and apprenticed under her to get my Mastery degree. In truth, I’m still learning from her.

Once I had my Mastery degree I thought, “What am I going to do with this?” I still hadn’t found a second career and being self-employed scared the heck out of me. But all roads seemed to point to me opening up my own business, so I did. Knocking knees and all.

Let’s talk a bit about what Reiki can do.  If Reiki works by unblocking or moving stagnant energy, then there really is no limit to what it can do or whom it can help. Yes, even if you don’t believe in energy work or are Athiest, Reiki will still help. I’ll list a few diseases, but this is absolutely not inclusive as again, Reiki can help with ANY affliction. High blood pressure, anxiety, stress, diabetes, PMS, infertility, chemotherapy, cancer, broken bones, migraines, back pain, sleep dysfunction, anger issues, depression, fibromyalgia, etc.

Reiki works on plants, animals (dogs and horses LOVE it! Cats love it too, but it has to be on THEIR terms) as well as unborn babies. I love, LOVE working on pregnant women and I loved doing my Work when I was pregnant.

Reiki is innate, meaning, we ALL know how to give Reiki. For instance, when you have a stomachache, what do you do? You rub your tummy. Headache? You put your head in your hands. If a child has an owie you kiss it or rub it.  How about when someone is sad? You may hug them or hold their hand. Yes, I bet you’ve been working with people’s energy since fresh out of the womb. What I do as a Reiki teacher is to reconnect you with that ability and show you how to be more proficient delivering it. Well, that and I add in some fun tricks, too.

Reiki can never cause harm. I’ll say it again. Reiki can NEVER cause harm. Not to anything. Ever. Reiki simply will not work if your intent is to inflict pain upon someone.  To my knowledge, Reiki is the only energy work that can say this.

What does Reiki feel like? Some say they feel tingling or warmth. Others say they feel completely calm. Still others say they’ve never felt so energized. All in all, I’ve been repeatedly told my clients feel relaxed, calmed and in need of a nap. 😉  Unless, of course, you’re that one person who is so completely energized you bounce out of my office. But for the most part, deep relaxation rules the roost in Reiki.

Are there any side effects from receiving Reiki? Well sure! Reiki is a powerful detoxing agent and when you receive Reiki energy, it works with your emotional, physical and spiritual body.  It stirs up stuff that is ready to be released. Usually these are run of the mill symptoms like a headache, stomach upset or intestinal distress.  I find if you drink more water (preferably with an organic lemon slice or two), your symptoms are less noticeable. Most people don’t experience anything even remotely unpleasant. It all depends on what you’re being seen for and where you are as a whole.

Speaking of being seen, how often SHOULD you go to a practitioner? We are bombarded with negative energy every day (every minute sometimes) and that can sap us. I tell my clients if they are coming to me for a chronic illness, then they’ll usually need more than one session in order to alleviate or eliminate the problem. I mean, if you’ve lived with anxiety for 30 years, it might be a tish unrealistic to think one hour long session is going to be the cat’s meow.  It could – again, I’ve seen so many miracles – but for the most part, a grouping of treatments would be needed.

If you’re feeling good and just want what I call a ‘tune up’, then see your Reiki practitioner once a month, once every six months or once a year. You decide.

I’ve much more to tell but will continue in another (ANOTHER!?!) blog

Reiki (part I)

You’ve heard me yammer on and on about Reiki but I haven’t told you what Reiki is. Here’s two or three blogs dedicated to that subject. Reiki is a 2500-year-old Japanese technique for reducing stress and promoting healing. In a nutshell, Reiki is energy. That’s my spiel for those that ask but Reiki is just so much more than this.

I was led to Reiki back in the early 2000’s. I had developed a physical affliction that the medical community said the only option was surgery. If I had the surgery, I wouldn’t be able to have children. Dum de dum dum DUM! Nope. No can do. No siree bob. The no meister. No thank you sir. And, no drill sergeant, I do not want another.

I was faced with a disease that was one stage away from cancer. Oddly, that wasn’t what scared me. What scared me was the fact that if I had this surgery, I would never be able to have children.  Even now, I’m wondering why I didn’t freak out about what could have been.

As you can imagine, I had a complete meltdown. I turned to Charmaine who said, “Why don’t you try Reiki? Susie does that. Check with her.”

At the time I didn’t know what Reiki was but I was familiar with Susie’s Work as I was a client of hers.  I knew she was an amazing Intuitive but I didn’t know squat about energy work.

Susie invited me to receive a Group Healing. A Group Healing is where any number of Reiki practitioners get together to work on a particular person(s).  These practitioners can be anywhere in their Reiki training; level 1 through Mastery degree. I had one Group Healing and it was powerful and profound.  If you can imagine how it felt to have all these women coming together just to help me, well, it was humbling to say the least.

After the first session, I knew I needed one more Healing. I just knew it. I wasn’t the Intuitive I am today, but I was starting on my spiritual journey and I knew one more session was all I would need.

I assimilated all of that energy and in a month’s time and I went back for another Group Healing. This Healing was so completely different. It was some of the same women who worked on me previously, but some different ones as well.  The energy I received was so powerful, I was moved to tears several times during and after the session. My body was tingling and I felt like I was floating. I couldn’t concentrate and my head felt fuzzy even though I was aware of everything that was going on.

After that session I knew, I KNEW my condition was gone and that surgery was no longer needed. I returned to my medical doctor and she confirmed what I knew, however she was puzzled as to how my condition, in the stage it was, had gone away. I don’t think I told her it was energy work. Nor did I tell her I was working extremely hard to bury the negative self-worth/self esteem issues I was left with after the death of my marriage. (See my “Abuse” blog for more information on this.)

Now, before all of you start thinking Reiki is a cure-all and was 100% responsible for my miracle, there is more to the story. Ah HAH! You see I believe the mind is a powerful tool. It can make us believe we are sick, healthy, beautiful, ugly, skinny or fat. It can make us believe what our abusers tell us, whether that abuser is an outsider or ourselves. It can make us believe we are destined for failure and don’t deserve love. It can also make us believe we are worthy and loveable. The mind is unbelievably powerful.

Whatever you repeatedly tell yourself is what’s going to stick. Just like when we tell ourselves we are ugly…the mind believes that.  Tell yourself you’re beautiful and the mind will believe that, too. It may take some practice to sway your old way of thinking, but it DOES work.

Anyway, I digress. I did write the blog entitled “George” that talks a little bit about this, but I may blog about this in depth another day. It’s obviously something that is near and dear to my heart. So many blog ideas, so little time. 🙂

For me, I knew my disease had developed because I thought about myself in a horrible way. I had just left an abusive marriage where my self-esteem/self-worth and personal power had been flushed down the old crapper.  I knew, on some level, I needed to believe and empower myself once again.

I started to rebuild, mentally, emotionally and physically. I created a mantra that I silently said over and over whenever and wherever (it was, “I am healthy, happy and whole”). I started to believe in myself once again and I believed my physical condition was gone.

In about three months time, after two Group Healings and me excising some emotional demons, I returned to my doctor’s office convinced I was completely cured. I obviously wasn’t completely convinced because I still wanted the confirmation of the medical community.

So while Reiki played a huge part in my Healing, I was – my MIND – was also responsible for the Healing that occurred.

Click here for part II…