Kyle

When Corey tried to schedule a session, I didn’t have any openings until the end of June but I had a suspicion I’d get a cancellation. Sure enough, the next day I had an opening for mid-May and then within a few more days, I had another for the following week. Evidently “someone” had pulled some powerful strings as Corey was able to see me the week after his initial phone call. That’s virtually unheard of.

Corey tells me his brother, Kyle, has been appearing in his dreams and most recently, at the foot of his bed. Kyle said, “You’ve got to call her.” Corey replied he’d do it when he was ready. Kyle, in a voice that brooked no discussion said, “Now” and so Corey did. He laughs and says when Kyle used to say “jump” he would respond, “What boots do you want me to wear?”

Corey’s younger and only brother died in a tragic auto accident over two years ago as he was just beginning his adult life. He was going to college, had a girlfriend and wanted to farm the land. He was just 20 years old when he left us.

Before Corey can verbally ask Kyle says, “There was no pain.” Corey’s eyes widen and Kyle says he was unconscious once his head hit the ground. As he begins to tell me what happened, I feel a blinding headache and then all sensation from my neck down is gone. I feel paralyzed. Kyle validates my empathic feelings by telling me he remembers a sudden bad headache and then there was no feeling after that. He said he wasn’t “there” when the weight of the vehicle crushed his spine.

Corey begins to ask more questions about the accident but Kyle has had enough. He gets a bit testy and says, “No more! I’m done answering questions about my death. Move ON!” This elicits a smile from his older brother who responds, “Typical Kyle.”

Corey was a flight paramedic but left that job for something emotionally safer after Kyle’s death. He tells me he did it because he wanted to be closer to his parents. Kyle snarls and I relay, “You fucking pussy.” And then to me he vehemently says, “Don’t let him by with his lying bullshit.”

The reality is Corey developed PTSD after Kyle’s accident and he started to doubt his own ability to help others. He also admits he feels dead inside. Kyle, in no uncertain terms, is NOT happy about Corey’s decision to hide and to stop living.

Corey asks Kyle, “What is it I’m supposed to do?!” and Kyle answers, “Follow your passion, what’s in your heart and head, man?” And then I’m shown an image of a premature, tiny baby. I ask Corey about this and he makes a grimacing face and chokingly says he’s afraid of babies.

I continue to see images of him holding wailing, distressed babies and them calming instantly because of his energy. I hear he is maternal and has an innate gift of knowing what needs to be done. He says he has no interest in working with babies. I tell him I may have uncovered a seed for him but it’s up to him to see if it will grow.

Kyle tells me a name, “Shep.” It’s the same name I’ve heard for all three of his family members. I thought it was a dog but Corey tells me there’s a doctor – a PEDIATRIC doctor – he used to work with by that name. Hummmm…

Kyle moves on and teasingly confides in me that he hasn’t forgiven his brother for pushing him off the roof. He admits to totally pranking his older brother by having books tip over, the garage door open and repeatedly knocking on walls.  Corey says with a smile, “I KNEW it!” and then good naturedly admits yelling at Kyle to “knock it the fuck off.”

This is brother stuff. Teasing, bugging, irritating and pushing buttons but the comradery and love between these two hasn’t dissipated one ounce because one of them has changed appearances. Kyle compassionately says, “Tell my brother I love him, I respect him and I’m proud of him. Tell him he was the best brother I could have hoped for. Tell him to keep going and to get in the game. Tell him to start living.”

Kyle tells me that there is no anger where he is and so for us to keep housing anger is just bullshit.  I’ve been told this by angels, but hearing Kyle say it, in the manner in which he SAID it, makes me smile. Corey admits he is still working through some anger. Kyle then says, “Forgive” and smiles while he jokingly says his name should be, “Friggin’ Kyle Forgiveness.” He then dramatically raises his arms out to his sides and up over his head while theatrically breaking into the song, “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina.”  Corey looks incredulous, cracks a smile and says he JUST watched that movie. Of course you did, Corey.  Uh huh.

Kyle, now switching gears and becoming very earnest says, “Tell him I love him. Again. Tell him again. It’s important he hears it.”

As I am finishing his brother’s session, Kyle reveals to me why he had to leave this earth. He softly and quietly whispers there was a baby who needed him. He says he always wanted children. My eyes widen and I sense that this baby was worthy of giving his own life for. What I felt was the unfailing and unquestionable love of a parent who unselfishly and unhesitatingly gives their own life for their child’s. Kyle didn’t even question it when he was Called; he just folded his cards and left.

Kyle is clearly just as alive in death as he was in life. He is funny, quick tempered and a prankster. He calls me a “cool chick” and tells me he wants to hang out with me even when his family isn’t around. His energy is big and he easily fills my head, overriding anything or anyone that wants to appear or talk. As Corey said, the party begins when Kyle arrives. Yes, as in life, as in death. Kyle is, again, proof positive that life doesn’t end just because we die.


About 2 weeks after I published this blog, Kyle started telling me to tell Corey, “You’re picking up what I’m LAYING DOWN.”  I poo-poo’d Kyle as I don’t like to do my Work outside of session.  This morning Kyle had enough of me saying no so I text Corey.  Here was Corey’s response:

“Yesterday I had an ambulance call for a baby having a seizure. When I got there, the baby was not breathing and unresponsive. I was able to get the baby back and awake.

When we got to the ER, he was snuggled up in my arms. He didn’t like the nurses and just screamed and screamed when I gave him to them. I then picked him up off the ER bed and he immediately stopped crying and laid in my arms….

Before bed last night I was thinking of that call and it came to me what you said about me calming a crying baby. I called my mom and said, ‘Holy shit! It happened!’ Just unbelievable.”

So now it makes perrrrfect sense why Kyle was being such a Kyle and wanting me to tell his brother exactly that.

 

Kyle has appeared many times in both his mother and his brother’s sessions. He most recently became very agitated towards his mom for “not moving on” and made no bones about it. He is often in my personal life and I welcome his appearances. If you’d like to read about how he helped me with a personal issue, read “Sober.

Advertisements

Channeled Message 11.28.16

“Dear ones. Some of you are feeling oh so enlightened while others feel like they are floundering in the darkness. We have news for you; it is all a matter of perception. That is not to say one is better than the other for they both have their value. It IS to say it is all how you view it.

Some of you moan and tell us your life is falling down around your ears. Others exalt in being free from the Old even though their life is in shambles. Interesting how perceptions can be, wouldn’t you agree?

This One (Melissa’s Note: Oh oh. What am I doing now!!?) has had degrees of perception changes and it has nourished her soul. She has chosen to take a hard look at what isn’t working in her life (her soul) and is choosing (operative word) to do something about it.  That is not to say she is happy about it. Oh no, we can most assuredly tell you she has done her fair share of carping, but she is a warrior and pushes through none the less.  Are you doing the same or are you bemoaning your plight?

We will offer you this; it is always darkest before the storm. Ahhhhh. We see we have caught some of you off guard with our rendition of the old saying. But it is true; it IS always darkest before the storm. Now what “the storm” means is wholly up to you. It can be a super storm that douses everyone that comes within a 50 mile radius or it could be an easy-breezy spring storm that is over as quickly as it began.

There is “big energy” in the atmosphere now. It is pushing for change. We have harped at you before about change. Some of you grow bored with our perseverance but your soul’s evolution is what we are concerned with, not your tactile ego.

What are you doing differently? Are you parting your hair differently? Wearing different glasses? Taking a different route to work? Yes, even something so seemingly easy can make all the difference in the world. Change; it must happen. It needs to happen. It is destined to happen.

We ask that you take a look at what is no longer working in your life. Are you stubbornly holding on to a value, thought or emotion that no longer serves you? If so, ask yourself why. We hear you say, “Because it is comfortable” but how does the Old become uncomfortable and the New become comfortable? Practice. Practice, practice, practice.

If you are unwilling to try, we will still stand beside you but your journey will become rockier. If you are willing to try, even the most imperceptible amount, then your journey becomes easier. If you feel you are lagging behind others, then we will wait for you to catch up. We just need that first step to come from you.

You are not alone. We tell you this 100 million times and yet some of you still believe you ARE alone. We tell you never, not once, not ever. Look to your brother, your sister, your aunts, uncles, friends, enemies. No one is alone. We are all connected and we are all evolving. None of us is free from the trials and tribulations that are happening right now in an effort to let go of the past. You are ALL experiencing some upheaval whether it be mild, moderate or severe. The important thing is that you keep moving. Stagnancy is paralyzing. It uses fear against you when the opposite is true.

Get moving. Keep moving. We will walk the path with you, ALL of you. Start the movement and then keep going, even if only by minuscule amounts.  Just move. MOVE!”

Anxiety

I can’t pinpoint when my anxiety started but I can tell you when I realized something was not right. It was a day in early August when my husband and his employees moved their offices out of our house.

Now you would think that I would be thrilled about that. I mean, we had dreamed of having our house and privacy back for so long. But when I was faced with that reality, something fragile, a tiny thread that was my last connection to logic and rationale, snapped.

The day of the move, we loaded boxes into his pickup. As he backed out of the garage, I felt irrationally frightened. It was as if I was watching the one person who could save me, had been saving me, abandon me. I felt crushed.

When the external garage door closed, my smile faded and my waving hand fell to my side. My face crumpled. My breath caught in my throat and I felt the tears prick and burn my eyes. I took a huge gulp of air and started sobbing. In an effort to find comfort and to try to run away from the problem, I, in the style of my childhood, raced into our bedroom shutting the door on the fly. I threw myself on to our bed, curled up in the fetal position and cried. I was thinking that I should be happy but I clearly was not.

A few months prior to this, I was confronted with a situation that undid months and months of my emotional progress. My husband and I were having an alcohol fueled (tsk, tsk! I know better!) heated discussion about it and I remember saying, “This is too hard. Why does this have to be so fucking hard?! Oh my God! I wish I was dead.”

I want to be crystal clear, dear readers, I was not thinking of suicide as I do not believe in it for spiritual reasons. I also knew I needed to be here and stay healthy for my little girl. The truth is, I just didn’t want to be here anymore, on Earth. If I, say, happened to be in an auto accident, I wouldn’t fight to stay here. The thing is, at that moment, I was in such intense, deep emotional pain and I couldn’t see my way out of it. I just wanted the pain to stop.

Looking back, my outburst was a verbal cry for help. I’m still not sure exactly who the cry was meant to be heard by; me or him. But, in the blink of an eye, the external and internal conversations moved on. Sadly, even that admission wasn’t enough for me to understand how far I had fallen from my true self.

I told one of my besties about my admission and she, professionally trained to look for these signs, questioned me intently about it. I told her what I believed and that was I would NEVER commit suicide. I didn’t believe in it as I knew that I would have to relive every craptastic thing I had gone through in this lifetime again. No. No thank you. Not for all the high-end coffee in Costa Rica. What I didn’t know is that over the next few months my chemical imbalance and emotional health would continue to deteriorate until I barely recognized my emotional self.

1403676644_0988b697a9_m40 million adults in the United States have anxiety[i]. One-third get help. That leaves two-thirds, TWO-THIRDS, that don’t.

What I also ignored or attributed to something else was the physical symptoms. My hands would uncontrollably shake, my mouth would be dry, my heart would race. I even went to the doctor thinking I had high blood pressure. My insomnia worsened, I cried alot and I had the most illogical, neurotic thoughts. I found myself being overly impatient and quick to anger, especially with our daughter. I chalked this up to just being stressed or needing a night or two off from being a momma.

One night in late August my husband came home late, very late. It’s nothing new, in fact, it’s quite normal and it shouldn’t have affected me like it did, but that night I was a train wreck. I was neurotic and imagined all sorts of heinous activities on his part. I was convinced he was doing something nefarious or was dead. I called his phone and had my irrational suspicions confirmed when he didn’t answer. I sent a text to him saying that I was frightened. My heart was beating a million miles a minute. I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. A few minutes later he walked through the door.

I raced into his arms, viscerally sobbing in relief. I hugged him like he was my breath. I shook uncontrollably and babbled incoherently through a deluge of tears. He hugged me and said, “Honey. Honey! What is going on? This is not like you. Honey. What is going on?!”  I pulled back and relief-sobbed that I had been imagining all sorts of horrible things happening to him and because of him.  I told him I was so frightened. He continued to hug me and said this wasn’t like me.

I clung to him in our bed that night like I was his second skin. I needed to talk with him about what I was feeling but when…when?  The next morning, after only a few hours (or minutes) of sleep, I completely lost my shit in the shower. I felt completely overwhelmed and paralyzed.  My best friend, the one I confided in whole-heartedly, my forever husband, was someone I was now struggling to speak with.

I exited the shower, robotically dried myself off and burst into tears again. I was miserable. I wrapped the towel loosely around myself and walked, zombie-like, into our bedroom. My husband, just clearing the sleep from his eyes, took one look at me and said, “Oh my God. Honey! What’s wrong!?”

My tears broke free and I sobbed while saying, “I don’t know. I think I’m broken. I need help. Something’s wrong with me. I thought I was doing ok, but after last night and this morning, I know I’m not. I’m having horrible thoughts and my neuroticism is not fair to you. I think I’m suffering from PTSD or anxiety. I need help. I’m going to call my midwife about anxiety medicine and try to find a counselor today. I’m a fucking mess.”

Then I cleared the tears from my eyes, wiped the snot from face with the back of my arm and locked my swollen, blood shot, tired eyes on his. The energy surrounding us became palpable. I took a deep breath and said, “I don’t know what I’m capable of. I don’t think I would ever hurt myself but I’m NOT myself right now. I’m just….broken. Can you either hide the guns or the ammunition immediately, please?” He didn’t question me, he just did as I requested.

I scheduled an appointment with my midwife and found a counselor that morning. My midwife started me on an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant. The counselor saw me that week.

I’m a good mix of believing in Eastern and Western medicine. I believe they both have their places in my life. What I was doing with Eastern medicine wasn’t helping so I immediately sought out Western medicine. I also believe that pills are just a band aide and that I have to address the problem, hence the trained counselor.  I previously wrote a blog called “Crazy” that spoke of how powerful the mind was and how it can control your body. My physical anxiety symptoms proved that, yet again, to me.

The medication and counseling have had a vastly positive effect on me. I feel “normal” again,  like the old chemically balanced me. All thoughts of not wanting to be here have vanished. Everything isn’t oppressive and I’ve even caught myself genuinely belly laughing. The first time that happened I thought, “What was THAT?! How long has it been since I’ve laughed this way?”

Like a broken record, I consider myself one of the lucky ones.  Not only did I recognize something had changed in my brain, but I asked for and received help. Have you?


[i] https://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics

Delete

Since my energetic upgrade a few months ago, I’ve grown very restless with certain things in my life, one of those things being my personal Facebook page. I never have been one to obsessively check FB nor do I care what people are up to that I haven’t associated with in years. I wasn’t one of those who had hundreds of “friends” and I didn’t post my every thought, event or picture. It’s totally cool with me if others do, but I never used social media that way.

Truthfully, the only reason Inner Focus Reiki has a business FB page is because years ago when a friend of mine was helping me get my website up and running, he said I HAD to have a social media presence. I reluctantly gave in and created a business FB page. He questioned me about Twitter and such but I didn’t want anything to do with it (and I still don’t). Social media sort of short circuits me; it feels like being among hordes of last minute Christmas eve mall shoppers.

I’m a very private person and I always have been. It’s how I was raised. I recently realized that my need for additional personal privacy comes at a time when my Work is expanding. The truth is sometimes when people taste my intuitive gifts they want ALL of me. It’s as if I stop being a human and become a commodity. People forget I am also a wife, a mother, a sister, a best friend. They forget I have emotions and that I bleed red when cut. They assume my life is an open book and they are the ravenous, insatiable, greedy readers. I am wholly uncomfortable with that.

I’ve seen how people who publicly use their Intuitive gifts can be idolized, alienated, harassed and even stalked. I don’t want anything to do with that as being a practicing Intuitive is just a fraction of who I am; it does not define me. It’s also one of the reasons I strive to empower my clients as I don’t want people to become dependent upon me or my intuitive knowledge.

My home, my sanctuary, has been a busy work environment for my husband’s work crew for over three years. My sense of space and privacy has been greatly diminished by this. I reached my indignity limit recently when I was in our bedroom, door closed and the cable TV dude walked right in. Didn’t knock, just opened the door and walked right in (our cable box is in the bedroom closet). Uhhhh. HELLO?! What if I had been in my pajamas or (gulp) NOT in my pajamas?!

All of this has led me to feel like I need to declutter and my eyes turned towards my personal FB page. It felt tarnished and of the old. Several acquaintances had left my life and I hadn’t had an honest conversation with – or seen – others in years. There were others whom I stopped wanting to stay in touch with and others who were just ‘Facebook Fabulous’ (Facebook Fake). I no longer wanted that social media connection. It no longer fueled me, on the contrary, it seemed to drain me. I needed to end that chapter and energetically free myself.

Of course I had the “good girl” thoughts of: If I do this, would the deleted parties go all “mean girl” on me? Would the earth still turn? What if….?  Then I realized this wasn’t about them, it was about me (“It’s not you, it’s me”). I needed to be true to myself and get over some residual “what will everyone think” thoughts. Once I realized this, reducing my friend list became so much easier.

I have always been one to maintain professional distance with clients for many reasons. Going through my personal Facebook friends, I found there were several clients whom I didn’t know or associate with outside of Work, nor did I care to. That told me something.

With the desire to keep more of my personal life private, it strikes me as odd that I feel led to become more open and slightly less professional (Egads! That thought almost causes me to break out in hives!) on my business Facebook page.  If it’s my quirkiness, personality, and well “humanness” you want, well then maybe I should do this more publicly? It sounds so counter-intuitive to sequester more of my personal life in one area but open it up in another, much larger, area.

The energy surrounding this feels of the new and yet sort of uncomfortable.  But if you’re used to doing things one way for so long, the new will feel uncomfortable until it becomes, well, comfortable.

 

Wounds

For so many of us lately, myself included, it feels as if old emotional wounds are being ripped opened and re-exposed. These are wounds we thought we had dealt with and healed. We are, quite frankly, pissed off as all hell about this.

I recently intuited some information about a client’s long dead father and her very much alive best friend. I said, “It looks like old wounds are coming up for you that need to be healed. It’s all coming around for you again. Your bestie is treating you the way your father did.” My client blinked her beautifully wise blue eyes and she said she thought she had dealt with this painful emotional issue.

She then said something so profound that I felt as if I was the student instead of the teacher. Truth be told, this often happens when I work on her. She drew in a breath and said what she had previously dealt with was the back end of her father’s abuse; she hadn’t dealt with it while it was going on. Now, she said, she’s been given the opportunity to deal with the front end of this abuse thanks to her life-long best friend.

Well, what the hell (head scratch). She’s completely right, you know.

I thought I was through with the emotional/psychological abuse I suffered at the mouth of my starter husband. I thought I had worked through the pain of the passive-aggressive and emotional abuse from my family. I thought I had healed the reoccurring betrayal and abandonment issues that seem to weave themselves throughout my life. I thought. I thought. I thought. Turns out, I thought (mostly) wrong.

Based on previous blogs, it’s no secret I firmly believe people enter our lives to help teach us lessons. Some of those lessons can drop us to our knees while others barely cause us to break a sweat. Some of the most powerful lessons we learn are from our parents, our siblings, our children, our spouses and our besties. Those that are closest to us know us the best and they also know our triggers and how to push them. It only makes sense that our families would try to teach us some of the most transformational lessons.

It’s also no secret that I long ago let go of hating someone for the pain they’ve caused me. I just look at things differently now. Hating someone who ultimately tried to help me heal/grow and may have done so at my implicit request, serves no purpose. It’s like hating your stomach for making you fat.

Most of the time I understand the people who cause us pain are here to help us heal and grow but in the effort of full disclosure, I DO hate someone. I hate this person mainly because of how internally ugly they are and the pain this person has consciously and calculatedly inflicted on someone I love. I can’t shake the disgust and repulsion I feel for this small-minded individual.

Sometimes, when I’m in a more spiritual place, I feel sorry for this person and their tiny self-constructed and limited world. At times I remember that this individual is in a ton of pain and has chosen not to heal. They have chosen to lash out because they want attention, good or bad. They are seeking to hurt a certain person because they feel this person is responsible for their pain and thereby owed it. They misguidedly seek to lessen their own internal pain. This lucid and spiritual way of seeing things calms me and helps me see clearly, but with this particular person, that doesn’t last long.

The reality is this person is trying to teach this someone something but they are triggering the momma badger in me and I want to rip them apart in the form of politically correct, but well directed, words. The reason I don’t is it’s not my fight; it’s not my battle. They are not here to teach me something, at least not directly. I’m just a bi-product; a civilian casualty. While I retain the ability to hate, I will not be mean. I will not yell, belittle, debase or verbally/emotionally abuse anyone. Not anymore. I do not and will not do this no matter how much a person gets my goat.

I was raised by a family who were masters at trying to control others by using these tactics. I know all about the intimidating, threatening, screaming-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-until-veins-pop-out-of-your-neck yelling. I am NOT that person anymore. Yelling has no place in my life. Yelling is just an attempt to be threatening and to try to intimidate another. Once you’re on to this, yelling is almost a laughable offense. Truth be told, you can stop a red-faced, eyes-bulging yeller with just a whisper and a steady gaze. This is a trick I learned from my girl Charmaine and then refined with the help of Jemma from Sons of Anarchy.

Back to my point; people are here to help teach us lessons. If we can believe and trust in that, then everything, every shitty little thing that happens in our life is aimed at helping us heal and grow. Why would we hate someone, yell at them or speak horribly about them, if their sole (soul) purpose was to help us heal? It sounds silly, right?  And if we are all connected (we are), then hating them is to hate a part of you.

Susie uses the concept of mirroring. What you dislike/like in them is what you dislike/like in you. Let’s go back to this bitter and abusive person for a moment. What are they triggering in me that I need to heal? I, obviously, am having a very strong reaction to their tactics so I may need to examine what I thought I had healed.

If I choose to do this, I may be able to deal with – and heal – these strong emotions at the beginning of their cycle, thereby healing the entire wound.  Maybe I can take a page out of Susie’s book. When life has handed her a giant load of crapsicles it would be easy for her to choose hate and yet she remains neutral and softly says, “I choose love.”

Channeled Message 9.24.15

change

“The time is upon us for great change. Some of you have felt it for months; others are just beginning to feel it. Regardless, it is a time for change.

We have been patient. We have been kind. We have wondered if you were going to make the leap, to go to the next level. Some of you will find this transition as easy as waking up in the morning. Others will not be so lucky.

Look at your neighbor, your cubicle mate, the person who serves your favorite beverage. Look at the street cleaners, the laborers, the President.  Look at the infants, the infirm and the outraged. Look at all of them. Look. At. Them.  They, too, will be going through this marvelous and magnificent Change. You are not alone in this and neither are they.

Some of you will breeze through this and give nary a thought as to what is going on. Others will fair far worse. It is to those that we wish to speak today.

Dear Ones, do not feel unenlightened for we tell you that you have all the answers locked in a safe place deep inside of you. If you are feeling restless, what is it that you need to let go of? What is it that you need to change? If you are feeling overly hostile, what is it that you covet? What is it that you think you don’t already have? Are you seeking inner peace (We think that is such an over rated term), are you seeking divine assistance? Well, then, you must be willing to change.

The World as you know it will cease to exist shortly after dark midnight. A great wind will blow away the stink and the stench and only that which is pure of heart will be left unblemished. You will feel the energy change; the air will feel lighter, more pure somehow, less dense. You will feel less encumbered, like it is easier for you to breathe. We promise ALL of you this.  But for those who are restless, agitated, tired, bored, resentful, we promise you MORE.

To those we promise the release of those hateful and hurtful energies if you will but just take the first step. You may have already done so but it has not materialized on the human plane yet. Just let go. It is as easy as that. Let go.

If you are holding tight to an outdated value or moral code, examine it. How does it fit in with this “new” world?  If you are stubbornly holding your ground, check to see if there is any ground left to hold. If you are angry or aggressive, understand that you are not alone but that these feelings cannot be tolerated where you are (eventually) going. They simply do not exist in this World (Angelic realm).

What is making you angry? Is it being held back? Then let go. Is it being malnourished (spiritually)? Then open up your heart for a feast. Is it being tired? Then know the rest and replenishment you seek is yours for the taking. But you HAVE TO LET GO.

clenched-fistSome of you grip so tightly to antiquated versions of yourself that we cannot understand why you do not see the beauty you are to become. You hold tightly to what you believe, but what if what you believe has all changed? We see we have startled some of you.  Yes, it is true. What you believe, your tenets, ethics, code, morality, may have all changed. Have you bothered to check in with yourself to see what truly matters? Have you bothered to take a ‘pulse check’? If you will, you may see that doing things by rote is making you uncomfortable.

Some of you are being called to do Higher things. This may make you moderately uncomfortable at first, but once you embrace the idea, things will feel as natural as the skin you inhabit.

This One (uhhh…me…oh man…what now…) has made many great changes in her life although they have been subliminal. She has taken a stand, she has used her voice and she has seen her value increase. She is not ego driven so do not mistake what she is doing for that, she is human driven. She longs to serve, to help, to aid. She longs to make a difference in just one life. She is not so different from most of you, correct? So follow her lead, her example. Her light shines brighter than ever now. She has overcome some outdated obstacles and feels freer.  What used to work for her no longer does and we are not just talking about all things spiritual. No, this has also been very physical for her.  It may be for you as well.

We are here. We love you all. Yes, each and every one of you makes a difference, DAILY, in someone’s lives. Embrace this change for if you do not, it may wreck you. We do not wish to appear dire, but we do have your spiritual well-being in the forefront of our mind.

What is not working for you? CHANGE IT!  For if you think we are full of folly, then you will see how miserable the next six months will be.  Walk with us as with us, the wind is blowing in the right direction.

We honor all of you. This change is not easy but it must be done. Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. What does that mean? Each of you, individually, knows what your heart longs for. Take steps to obtain it.  We wish for you nothing else.  We love your souls.”

Misty

She was the first person I saw as I rushed through my office building doors. She captivated my attention instantly. My first thought of her was, “gypsy” and I heard, “whimsical.” My second thought was that she was incredibly vulnerable. I wanted to go to her instantly and hug her but instead I stayed connected to her by staring into her eyes.

She was dressed in all black. Her beautiful, dark, lustrous hair was piled loosely in a disheveled bun on the top of her head.  I found that this style added to her mystique. She smiled a broad, welcoming smile that was inviting.

Misty was there because it was right; it was finally time. She had looked into taking my Reiki I class last fall and it just hadn’t worked out. She tried to talk herself out of this class the week prior but she worked through it and now was one of my six students.

Misty has a kindness about her; an intrigue. She hides her vulnerability behind a smile that draws you in but when you look at her eyes you see the sadness reflected there if you know where to look. She is gentle, engaging, hospitable and kind. She is a mother to three young boys. She is a wife.

But look closely and you’ll see she has become much older mentally than her physical age belies. Misty is exhausted. She is terrified. She is angry. She is grieving. She is in insurmountable pain. She is in a constant state of high anxiety.

Misty hides this part of herself like you would hide a deep, sacred secret. She’s not one to let others know her pain as she doesn’t want to burden them nor does she want to be a burden.  Unfortunately for her (or maybe fortunately?) she is now in a room full of Empaths and Intuitives. And if you’ll pardon the expression, I’d like to give a nod to the recently completed Shark Week, she was like a drop of blood in a room full of highly astute (nurse) sharks.

I began class and as is my practice, I asked what brings everyone to me. When it is her turn to talk, she instantly tears up and then apologizes for it. I pooh pooh the tears and tell her they are welcome here. Always. Others are on the brink of tears, too. One sweet lady, who hasn’t yet discovered she is Intuitive or Empathic, makes fun of her own tears in an effort to cope.

Misty weaves a short story of what finally brought her to me and at the end she allows us a glimpse of her inner pain. She tells us about her husband who is her everything. This is the man she has chosen to have children with, the one she doesn’t want to live without and the one who was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

When we reach the part of class where we scan through the energy (auric field) of the person laying on the Reiki table, I brace myself. It was Misty’s turn to be scanned and to receive Reiki.

I mentally took a deep breath and held it. I physically slammed my eyes shut thinking I could keep out what I was about to intuitively see. Pshaw. As if. I outwardly winced and I remember thinking, “You’re teaching a class here. You can’t fall to pieces. Just get through it. Go.” I knew scanning her energetic/auric body was going to be filled with emotional land mines, tortured thoughts and abysmal pain but I wasn’t even close to being prepared.

I felt it all. I felt the anger, the panic, the anxiety, the constant worry, the injustice, the sleep deprivation, the bargaining and the overwhelming anguish. I felt it all. From her head to her toes in just four seconds. I felt all of that.

I tried not to let on what I had just sensed, felt and knew out of respect for her and my students. I prayed nobody heard me raggedly inhale and exhale an audible breath. But we were in a room full of intuitive ladies who just wanted to help others heal so I’m not sure how successful I was. I do know I couldn’t make eye contact with any of my students as I was afraid they’d see what I had just learned.

Jodi was next to scan Misty’s auric field. I silently begged her not to do it but she is ballsy and not one to back down from anything energetic. She began scanning and made it to Misty’s heart/chest area when her direct, light blue gaze filled with tears. She stopped, blinked her eyes and shook out her hands and arms. Like someone stunned, she took a deep breath and tried again; same response.

I watched, unblinkingly, as she tried a third time. Her hands/arms hovered and shook over Misty’s heart area and my own heart went out to her. Jodi’s surprised eyes once again filled with tears and this time, she stepped away from Misty. She shook her hands and arms as if she had just received an electric shock. She looked directly at me and apologetically and softly said she couldn’t do it; she couldn’t get through (Misty’s auric body).  I nodded with understanding.

My five newly attuned Reiki I students and I took up our places around the prone Misty. I, as always, encouraged my student to go to a spot where their intuition led them. I noticed all but one of them were at her upper body. Sounds about right.

I had placed my hands on her left leg and I found myself gently and softly rocking her lower leg. Across from me was another student. She is a woman whose energy was so maternal and calming that I found myself petting her arm earlier in class. She was lightly stroking Misty’s right leg.

And then it happened.

Sweet Misty, the woman who was trying to hold it all together so her children weren’t frightened, so that her husband wouldn’t be scared and so that she could function, let out a keening, mewling, guttural noise that came from deep within her. It was filled with a pain so deep that I can’t even begin to dignify or quantify it. It was filled with her fear; fear of being on her own, fear of losing her beloved husband, fear for her children and fear of being financially bereft.

One amazing young-but-old student leaned over Misty and did what I couldn’t do; she softly whispered, “Let it out” and Misty did. The keening turned into deep, gut-wrenching sobs and I believe each one of us felt her silent, private and deeply personal pain.

I had been holding back tears all day (I know, I know!! I was just afraid of looking – gasp – unprofessional! Oh the horror!) and I couldn’t do it anymore. Her cries were so feral, sooooooo visceral that I had a hard time not falling to my knees.  I closed my eyes to give her some privacy and tears rolled down my cheeks. We were all experiencing something profoundly miserable and yet beautiful; one of us was releasing deep pain and starting the healing process.

Misty’s release didn’t last long. I could feel when her healing began. I could feel when she released what she needed to and embraced what she wanted to. I could feel her allowing us to give back to her and I could feel her accepting our help.

Misty gave up five hours to be with us in order to learn Reiki. Those precious five hours could have been spent with her husband. She split up her three children with different caretakers in order to be sure they were taken care of. She raced home during our lunch break just to be sure her husband had eaten. She did all of this because she felt so strongly about attending this class.

There are no coincidences. You get that, right? And the Guys constantly tell us, via their channeled messages, that we are ALL one. These amazing women had all come together not only to learn the ancient healing art of Usui Reiki, but to help one of their own; their sister. It humbles me to be so very aware of this.

I was deeply touched by Misty’s grace, her love for her husband/family, her plight and the raw emotion I felt on so many levels. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t personally touched me. In fact, I went home and hugged my own beloved, healthy, warm and strong husband a little bit longer. And then I hugged him again, a little bit tighter. And then I decided it wasn’t such a big deal if he occasionally leaves a light on or wears his shoes inside.

I bet Misty would give anything to have her husband do just that for the next 50 years.

.

(If it feels right, please join me in sending prayers/energy to Misty and her family. I’d ask that you intend for the energy/prayers to help with all that is for their highest good instead of directing them to heal.)

Channeled Message 3.4.15

“So many of you have recently asked, “What the hell is wrong with everyone?” and we will take a moment to answer.  They are caught up in something that is not of their doing. They are in a vortex, if you will. A whirl wind. They feel tossed about and battered. Up is down and down is up. Black is white and white is black. Nothing is working for them anymore and yet, bless their hearts, they keep trying to make the old work.

Here is the crux of what we wish to discuss; the OLD does not exist anymore; it has vanished. Poof! Gone like the wind that blows in your region. It. Does. Not. Exist. Any. More.  So can you imagine the frustration, angst and anxiety of those who are still trying (and trying and trying) to utilize the old way of doing things?  The buttons are not there, the levers have disappeared and yet they still blindly grope and grapple for them.

We have urged several of you to let go of the old ways and yet you fiercely maintained your attachment to them. We ask; how is that working for you?  Good?  No, we think not. You feel lost, like you woke up in an entirely new world and you do not have your bearings yet.  You feel anxiety and restlessness. You feel desolation and hopelessness. You feel fear. You feel anger (Melissa’s Note: Oh MAN, do we feel anger!).

We hear you. More importantly, we see you. We see each and every one of you down on Earth trying to Become. We see your struggles and your pitfalls and your breaks. We hear you saying, “What the HELL is going ON!?!” and with this One’s help, we will tell you.

The Earth has shifted on its axis once again. We don’t mean literally, we mean figuratively. There is new energy coming in once again.  As is the case for several millennia, when there is new, the old does not want to leave.  And you humans make this so easy for the Old. You cling to old values, ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ways.

You cling to old habits, even though you have long outgrown them.  The childish tantrums, the unbridled rage, the “poor me” mentality, those are all of the Old. These need to go on their way. They need to be let loose; freed.  They do not and will not serve you any longer.

What will? Being open. Staying open.  New ideas, new values, new ethics, new tenants, and a new you. That will serve you best.

This One is asking us for black and white concepts. We will do so now. If you look before you leap, maybe it is time to leap before you look.  If you use harsh words in anger, maybe it is time to soften your tongue. If you are filled will fear, maybe it is time to find courage.

How do you know if we are talking to you? Simple. Have you been moody? Angry? Resentful? Chaotic? Have you experienced despair, loneliness and anxiety? Have you hurt those you love? Have you cast stones upon yourself? If so, then perhaps we ARE talking to you.  We smile at this because there is not one of you reading this, including our faithful servant (Melissa), that won’t benefit. Not one of you. Pretty enormous, right? That is how large the scope of this shift is.

We offer you this; be kind when you want to rage. Be thankful when you want to cast spite. Be humble. Be loyal. Be gentle.  Be loving. It sounds simple, but for several of you, this is not working.

We will leave you now knowing you are infinitely safe and protected. Be aware of your choices and know that YOU are in the driver’s seat.  We are merely passengers and as such, we are powerless to control the wheel, the speed or the direction you travel. Do not blame us if you are miserable; we have given you ample opportunity to prevail. You must do the work; we cannot.”   (Melissa’s Note: Gah gong.)

Slow

My starter husband and I, we took it slow.  In fact, I didn’t like him when we first met. The truth be told, I didn’t like ANY of the men I fell in love with.  Yes, really.

My starter husband and I met at work and I was very, um, territorial. He was the golden boy who moved to Fargo from a small Minnesota city. I didn’t want to know anything about him, I didn’t want to socialize with (the enemy) him and I certainly didn’t want a friendship with him.

I tried really hard to dislike him. I think he even saw through me and asked me about it once. But, as much as I tried to be cold and distant, I begrudgingly started to respect him not only for his work expertise but because he was so humble, respectful, soft spoken and kind. The friendship that grew from that surprised me.

Once I decided the new kid was alright, he and I were often among the last of the work gang to leave the bars. We would end the night talking and then go our separate ways. I wasn’t attracted to him in the least little bit; that came much later.

Then, somewhere along the line, that all changed. After a night of drinking, I spent the night at his place. We slept (passed out?) on the floor and he didn’t touch me. He was incredibly respectful even though we’d both had enough to drink to blame whatever happened on the booze.

It was the next morning we decided we liked each other in a way that was more than just friendship. We both agreed we’d like to see where this took us. But ‘this’ was going to be a major problem. A relationship with him was now taboo as he had just been promoted to the position I wanted. He was now my boss.

The rest of that story is in previous blogs or will be saved for another day. I want to stay on task here, or at least look like I’m trying.

After the death of my starter marriage, I begged God to send me someone who was compassionate and kind and would treat me the way I deserved to be treated. My needs? Simple. I wanted to be treated like a princess. And, I must say, God delivered even if it was in the most unlikely of packages.

My golf course recently hired a new golf professional/manager.  He was 6’ 5”, gangly and had faded red hair. I wasn’t attracted to him, either. But gawl dang it! He had the gift of gab and the patience of Job. He was kind, gracious and courteous and had a way of making me feel like the whole world revolved around me.

Weeks went by and I watched his interactions with the staff and with the patrons. He was quirky and liked to talk. I became interested. Days later, after I had rediscovered the lost art of flirting and acting like a 16 year old, I needed to call for a ride home (it was really a ploy! Ohh, harlet!) so I asked for the phone book. He said he’d give me a ride home. Bingo!

It eludes me as to why he spent the night. I think it was because he needed to be back at the course by 6 and it was already 3:30.  He, too, was a complete gentleman and slept on the couch. I slept in my bed with the door shut.

The next morning, on the ride to get my car, he held my hand. I knew then that I wanted to know more about him and I knew then he wanted to know more about me. I was starting to see his inner beauty and I was starting to find him interesting and attractive.

He treated me with kindness. He showed me, again and again through words and actions, the respectful way a woman should be treated.  He reminded me – and gave me hope – that there were men out there who would treat me the way I wanted (and deserved) to be treated.

Then along came my forever husband. Trinity was like a Mack truck compared to the other two. He was aggressive, direct, confident, engaging and flirty. He was, in my opinion, a player and someone not to get involved with.  I wasn’t the least bit attracted to him. Heard that before? Well, here we go again; same song, different verse.

He set the pace for our relationship and that pace was slow. Snail’s pace slow. Excruciatingly slow. This was not his normal as he was used to moving fast (think corvette fast). But for me? He wanted something different.

We didn’t start “playing house” right away. We didn’t talk for hours and hours each night on the phone; we didn’t see each other every spare moment. We didn’t call each other several times a day (this was before texting became so popular) and we didn’t overshare within minutes of meeting each other.  We took the time to get to know each other. As our friendship grew, my interest in him, and the attraction, began.

It’s not lost on me that three of my greatest loves were unlikely matches. For pity sake, I didn’t like these people nor was I attracted to them.  But in spite of that – or maybe because of that – these relationships took root, grew and blossomed.

Some of the most beautiful flowers manage to grow in the harshest environments.

Want to read more blogs about Trinity’s and my life?  Here you go:

Fate – Fate II – Communication – Vasectomy – Miracle

Trailblazing

My husband has been trying to grow his business but has felt stuck in a particular area. I was visiting with my friend Marilyn who mentioned an innovative program she was beta testing for businesses. She wondered if Trinity would be interested.  He was.

She schlepped over, pulled out a binder and a sweet little silver pendulum. She opened her binder, started her pendulum and well, we were off to the races.  First, she checked the ‘energy’ around Trinity’s business and reported it was off the charts, in a very good way.

Then she asked the Universe what was the reason Trinity wasn’t receiving qualified applicants. Immediately the pendulum swung to the “Relationship Team” portion of the graph.  Armed with that, she flipped to another page which indicated Trinity’s business was relatively unknown in the community. Plain and simple, people just didn’t know about his business.   Yes, that makes complete sense and resonated with both Trinity and me.

Then Marilyn asked another question; what it was is irrelevant, but you’ll love the response. He was to “ask his Guides and Angels for help.”  I was astounded by this and my jaw dropped. My poor husband; with narrowed eyes, I turned to him and gave him the, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me” look. He raised his palms defensively to the ceiling, scrunched his shoulders and said, “I ask for Their help, but not for this specific thing.”  Ohhhh chil’.

After that, her pendulum ticked and tocked and much more information came to light. For instance, my husband would do well to take lunch breaks, work less hours and get out of his head.  He might benefit from scheduling family time, paperwork time, “me” time and the mac-daddy of them VACATION time. (Cough; told you so, honey.)

Towards the end of his session, Marilyn once again checked the ‘energy’ around Trinity’s business and said it had grown even higher. How is that possible? It could be that Marilyn had uncovered the deeply buried truths and Trinity was already using his powerful mind to make positive mental changes.

So what am I talking about? It’s Tara Argall’s and Marilyn McMurray’s “Trailblazing Communications” modules. They were, to the best of my knowledge, originally designed to give a voice to those (animals/humans) that are unable to verbally communicate. Tara and Marilyn decided to expand these modules to include businesses, etc.

I have to say, I was really impressed and I see a lot of value in what these two ladies are doing.  Marilyn’s delivery style is compassionate, authentic and caring. She is also an amazing Intuitive who use her own personal and professional knowledge to offer possible solutions or ideas.

If you’re a chief cook or bottle washer who wants insight as to how to help your team or business, this program may be the answer.  If your personal life is messy and you’d like some direct insight, there’s something here for you, too.

Trailblazing Communications isn’t just for those who can’t/won’t communicate verbally; it’s for those of us who can’t/won’t listen.

–       If you’d like more information, you can find both of my above mentioned friends on Facebook, etc.