Tag Archives: inner guidance

Hurry

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When I walk my daughter to daycare, we cross a busy 4-way residential intersection that is controlled by stop signs.  I’m amazed that some people can’t wait seven seconds (yes, you know me, I timed it!) for us to cross and yet others are so respectful they’ll stop a car’s length away. Some smile while others just look inconvenienced.  A few others keep their faces averted as if saying, “If I can’t see you, you’re not there” and roll through the stop sign.

But I’m not judging. GOD no, because I’ve done all of this, too.

Last year, I was approaching this busy intersection and I noticed a wee lil’ guy walking to the end of his driveway and then back up to his garage.  As we passed I said, “Hi!” and he ran to the garage, looked back and said to me, “I’m waiting for my daddy.”  I scanned the area and didn’t see anyone, not even a guardian. I kept walking but something didn’t feel right.  My ‘spidey sense’ was tingling.  I looked over my shoulder. No adult in sight and the sweet little guy (maybe 3?) was at the end of the driveway again.  I kept walking; after all, I had to get my daughter to daycare.  But something stopped me and I turned around and crossed that dang busy intersection again.

As I approached, he ran to his garage and looked at me with a side long glance. I said, “Honey. Is your daddy coming?” And he said yes. Then I asked where his mommy was and he shrugged his shoulders.  Ok, in for a penny in for a pound.  I, with my new born in her stroller, began walking up his driveway. I asked him if we should go look for his mommy together.  His face split into a huge, relieved smile and he said yes.  At that point he was no longer leery of me but giddily ran ahead of me while excitedly asking me about my baby.

We reached his front door and I noticed that it was open a bit as if this precocious pre-schooler had let himself out.  I rang the bell and soon mommy came to the door. She was trying to take the situation in when I said, “I found this little guy at the end of the driveway. He said he was waiting for his daddy.”

She blinked and instinctively looked towards the busy road. I could tell by her wide eyes that she was calculating what could have happened. She instantly dropped to her knees, embraced her son, cradling him and saying his name over and over and over again.  She looked up at me with eyes that were so full of thankfulness that the memory brings tears to my eyes two years later. She thanked me and I reddened and sputtered, “Oh, you’re welcome. I have a wee one, too and I would want someone to do the same thing if she pulled a Houdini.”

As I was leaving the drive way, I heard her call out, ‘THANK YOU’ once more.

Now, this whole intervening thingy was very out of character for me. I have been trained to keep my nose out of other people’s business. I most often assume that someone is taking care of the situation and everything will be fine without me being a budinsky.

Another ‘budinsky’ incident happened on an unusually warm January day. Trinity, our 2 month old and I were out for a walk and we noticed two little girls (2 and 4 maybe?) were knocking on a home’s door.  The youngest was naked from waist down and was carrying her dolly. The older one was clothed, wearing a light jacket but no shoes. Trinity and I were confused by this but assumed they were at their own home and the parent’s had this under control. We continued walking as I wanted to get home (read: in a rush). But bless Trinity’s not-in-a-rush intuitive heart, he sensed something was wrong and stopped dead in his tracks. I remember him saying, “This is not right. I have to do something.”

A long story short, this wasn’t their home. The oldest child told us their mommy was napping and she thought she knew how to get back to her house. She was a beautiful child who didn’t show any fear and already had a lot of maturity.

After wrapping the half-naked little girl in my coat and an extra blanket of our daughters, I picked her up and we started walking. She was as beautiful as her sister and so innocently sweet. I remember that she smelled of Vaseline and fit nicely in my arms.

When the oldest little girl said, “This is my house!” we rang the doorbell twice and a disheveled and bleary-eyed young mom came to the door. She, too, was trying to assess the situation when Trinity asked, “Are these your girls? We found them 5 houses down.”  I watched the emotions cross her face. First there was confusion, followed by acknowledgement and then understanding of what may have happened.  Then, her understanding turned to anger, not at us but at her two little innocent girls.  She started to chastise them when my husband stepped in and calmly said, “No. No. Please don’t be angry with them or yell at them. This isn’t their fault. Maybe just install a lock on the door?”

We left feeling proud of ourselves for stepping in and helping those two little girls. But I kept wondering, WHAT IF?! What if I/we didn’t stop? What if we minded our own business and assumed everything was fine?? The whole thing bothered me so much that I talked with Susie about it.

Susie, being Susie, said, “People react differently when they are in a hurry versus when they aren’t. It’s human nature. If you perceive you are not rushed, you will feel as if you have the time to help. If you are rushing, you will feel you don’t have time to deal with it.”

Yes. Yes.  That makes sense, right?

So now I think of those drivers who are in a rush to get to their destination and feel frustration with the mere seven second delay I’m causing by using the cross-walk. What are THEY missing? What am I missing when I’m in a rush?

Then I think about the ones who aren’t in a rush. Those who can wait the seven seconds. Those that stop and help a child. Those people, like me, may be rewarded by glimpsing a little chubby hand waving to them, a wide, brilliant smile on an innocent face or perhaps, a direct, big blue-eyed gaze that could melt hearts.

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Lost

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When I was a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, I became very lost. I had gone to a neighborhood not far from my own but one that was foreign to me. I went walking with a friend and we got into an argument and she stormed off. I was to mad to follow her. Puhhh. I didn’t need her. I could find my own way home. So I ended up wandered around hilly streets until I became tired, hungry and frightened. 

I had walked by a house, at least once, that had a beautiful weeping willow in the front yard. I remembered that house, in particular, because we had a weeping willow in our backyard. On my second (or third) pass, I decided I couldn’t keep wandering around so I sat beneath the branches of the beautiful tree in hopes someone would find ME.  Why I ultimately chose that house or that tree wasn’t consciously known to me. But as you all know, I preach there are no coincidences.

As I sat with my chin resting on my knees and my arms wrapped tightly around my legs, I cried and wished for my mom. The house’s garage door opened and a car pulled in. A tall, middle aged woman got out and slowly walked toward me. She had kind eyes and instead of standing to her full height, she bent down as she approached.  When she reached me, she knelt next to my little, tightly curled up body and said, “Honey. Are you lost?” She was so caring and so maternal and I felt so relieved that someone had found me that I started bawling even harder. All I could do was nod my head. 

She asked if I wanted to call my mom or dad. Did I know my mommy or daddy’s number?  Yes. I did. She brought me inside and made me hot cocoa while she (or I?) called my mom.  She had an easy, flowing way of helping me become calm. She chatted with me (not to me, there is a difference) as if I was an old friend who had stopped in for a visit.  

I don’t remember much more of the experience except getting into the back seat of my dad’s car and wondering if he was going to yell at me for getting lost, for going into a stranger’s home or for interrupting his work day.  He did not yell and he did not berate. What he did was asked if I was OK. For my rather unemotional dad, this meant the world to me and it helped me feel safe.

As we topped a hill, I caught my bearings and knew where we were. I felt silly because I was so close to home and yet didn’t know it. But that experience began a lifelong fear of becoming lost.

As a young adult and well into my adulthood, I would suffer from anxiety when I needed to be somewhere I’d never been before.  This was well before the days of GPS or even MapQuest.  This was when you actually had to go to a brick and mortar library if you wanted information on a particular subject. The internet hadn’t been created and cell phones were still a glint in someone’s eye.

Keep in mind I traveled for a living when I worked in banking. I traveled all over the vast, great state of North Dakota and each time I faced a new address, I would get my mini-freak out on.  I would arrive at my destinations ridiculously early so I didn’t arrive late. My thoughts were this: if I became lost I would have time to figure it out before I was late. Being late was (and is!) incredibly distasteful to me.

When I was in counseling, we worked on this powerful memory. Some 13 years later, I’m still working on it. With the invention of GPS, etc., I feel more in control but I am still glued to the little computer voice that tells me when to turn and that my address will be on the right.  I still plan my route before I leave the house and I make sure I have some wiggle room in the time area.  I often joke that I am ‘directionally challenged’ and more often than not, I hear others say, “Me too!” 

I’d like to put the finishing touch on the story I began earlier. Not long after my lost  incident happened, my Brownie den leader quit and I was reassigned to another troop.  As fate would have it, the woman who found me, the woman who owned the house with the beautiful weeping willow, was my new den leader. Yep. Seriously. 

Putting this story on paper has helped me recognize that there has never been a time when becoming lost (physically, emotionally or spiritually) didn’t turn into finding my way. The countless fearful scenarios I’ve created in my mind over the years have never come to life, not once.

With or without consciously knowing it, we all come equipped with a roadside (uhhh, heaven side?) assistance plan. It doesn’t matter if we feel we are on the wrong spiritual, physical or emotional path. There is always guidance available to you, whether it is a physical person, an Ascended Being or an intuitive feeling.

Remember: If you feel lost, maybe you’re just one hill from being home, too.

Networking

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The word “networking” has been coming up for me a lot this past month. Up until last week, I had shunned all attempts by strangers or casual acquaintances to meet for coffee. I did this for a few reasons. One is my days off are precious, full of errands and me time. I guard them like a momma honey badger. The second is I like to keep boundaries between my professional and personal life. Lastly, it hasn’t felt right and I couldn’t see a reason for doing it.  So when I received her email asking me if I’d like to have coffee, surprisingly, I didn’t hesitate. I immediately said, “Let’s do it!”

Several years ago my very wise bestie Charmaine said something to me that altered my life.  As we were sipping adult beverages by the shore of her parent’s lake cabin, we were talking about commitments. I was recently divorced and still very new to knowing about this spiritual growth stuff. She said, “Here’s how I try to live my life (I think she was all of 25 at the time). I examine each request I receive. If I immediately know I want (not should or need) to do it, I commit on the spot. If it has merit but I’m not sure, I’ll think about it and tell the person I need more time. If it doesn’t feel right or if it’s not for me, I’ll decline the invitation. Where it gets tricky is when I feel I should do such and such but my heart isn’t in it. Even with that kind of stuff, I sit with it for a while and if it feels like a chore, I won’t do it.”

I’m taking some creative license with my memory. I think, in truth, Charmaine said something like, “I won’t do something because it is socially expected of me. I don’t care if it’s a family, work or social obligation. If it feels wrong, I won’t accept the request even if my family feels I’m letting them down.”

Some time ago I wrote a blog entitled, “No” where I talked about my reaction to trying to get out of things I’d committed to but didn’t really want to do. Does praying for a natural disaster sound familiar to anyone? Uh huh. I thought so.

Over the course of the years I’ve learned how to sit with stuff and if it doesn’t feel right, I won’t commit. So let’s get back to the coffee date.  Maybe I agreed because I read energy for a living and I knew her energy was not manipulative. She didn’t want something from me and there wasn’t an ulterior motive. She was open and honest and very complimentary about my blogs (oooh yes, pet my ego..purrr….purrrrr…meeYOWWW). She’s also a fabulous woman who, at almost 40 (yes, I received permission to publish her age), is coming into her own by making decisions that may not win the popularity vote with family or friends, but they feel right to her.

We talked about our lives and loves and about ¾ of the way through our chat, I discovered I had ordered a caffeinated beverage and was talking faster than an auctioneer. Truly. And I, by nature and geographic location, am already a fast talker. I heard my voice becoming even more Alvin and the Chipmunk-like and I stopped mid-sentence, took a breath, leveled a gaze at her and said, “Shit. My coffee is caffeinated.”

I’m telling you this because even then I felt completely at ease. Maybe it’s being in my late forties. Maybe it was her energy. Maybe it was mine. I don’t know. I was comfortable with who I was and who I had become. I wasn’t worried about pepper in my teeth or the fact that I didn’t do my hair. I wasn’t concerned I wouldn’t know what to say or how to act or that I’d be judged for my choice of careers. I wasn’t worried about coming off as professional or (God FORBID) unprofessional. I was just being me and I was having fun.

It was a turning point for me and I will be forever grateful to Marilyn for conquering one of her fears by stepping out on the skinny branch (as she termed it) and asking me out for coffee. It helped me realize I no longer need to put on a public persona or act a certain way (old issue). It felt really good to make a new friend and to awaken a new healing awareness within myself.

It also felt really good to be able to share our knowledge in ways that mutually benefited us.  That, my friends, is the type of networking I’ll do all day long as it feels less like a chore and more like an extension of the Work I do while I’m in session.

(Side Note: If any of you know a Networking group you think would be able to handle me, ooops, – cough – I mean I would enjoy and be able to make valuable contributions to, please let me know.)

Fate (Part I)

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There were so many teaser attempts to bring my husband and I together. We are both from the same home town, although I left at age 3. I lived in Minot, he lived in Minot. I moved to Fargo, he moved to Fargo. He was my youngest niece’s good friend all through high school and during her college years. I had heard her talk of Trinity often. Given these and other similarities, it’s odd we didn’t meet until after we were both married. My niece (Jessica) introduced us while my starter husband and I were in the process of building our home. Would you like to guess who installed the sound system in that home? Yep, Trinity.

Based on the fact that he was (and still is, I guess) six years younger than me and the fact I only knew him in a professional manner, I thought of him as ‘a very professional young man.’  And that’s that.  That’s where the story could have ended but as time marched on, we both became divorced. Jessica, through casual conversation, kept me in the loop on Trinity’s disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce.

A few years later, Jessica tells me Trinity is looking for some decorating advice and would it be OK for her to give him my phone number. Why sure! He’s a nice young man and at that time I was leaning towards taking up interior design as a profession.  Bet you didn’t know THAT about me, did ya? It’s a good thing it didn’t work out or IFR never would have come to be.

Trinity called me and while I was under the assumption he wanted my hand at picking paint colors, he was more concerned with how he could get his hands on me (can you blame him?!). We were visiting and the next thing I knew, he had morphed into a human octopus. He had his hands all over me and his tongue was half way down my throat.  EUWWW! GROSS!

In shock, I kissed back for a few seconds and then thought, “Eww. Yuck! He feels like a brother, not a boyfriend and WHERE did this all come from?! EWWWWWWW!”  I pushed him away and demanded to be brought home. I sat as far away from him and his tentacles as I could. I literally was hugging the passenger door.  Needless to say, there was no kiss goodbye. In some ways, he already had his kiss goodbye, if you know what I mean. I took my color swatches and marched my arse straight up to my apartment where I sat with my jaw hanging open in disbelief.

Mr. Kissy Face Octopus Gropey Hands called me when he got home and asked what had happened. Really?! Was I giving off signals that I wanted you to see if I had a tonsillectomy?! WITH YOUR TONGUE?! He said he took it as a good sign when I kissed back. Oh good Lord. He later (much later) admitted he thought I was smokin’ hot the first time he met me. Double oh good Lord.

I wasn’t sure I could get past feeling like his big sister and the false pretenses of him getting me to come over. He later admitted the whole interior decorating thing was a ruse. (eyeroll) Well LeDUH!

I must have been one brick short of a load as I agreed to go have supper with him. Maybe I was thinking it was a public place and he couldn’t get all handsy with me. I’d seen his type before. He was a total playah. He’d already told me he’d dated a lot (understatement) of women since his divorce and I had absolutely no intention of being a notch on his bedpost.  I knew, from uhhh experience, about men ‘like him’ and I knew I didn’t want anything to do with that. I wasn’t a player and I’d had my crazy what-was-I-thinking-oh-my-GAWD-why-did-I-do-that episodes after my own divorce.

That supper turned into another and another and pretty soon we had been dating for  almost two months. Somehow he had talked me into painting several rooms inside of his house.  At the time I was working for a professional painter/wallpaper hanger and he had taught me well.  Yes, another hat I was wearing before IFR came into light.  

When I was finishing painting the last room, he had opened a bottle of wine, checked his voice mail and said, “Huh. I just got a message from a girl I used to date. That’s weird. I wonder what she wants.”  Uh oh, boys and girls. Trouble ahead!

I had a fleeting feeling this was going to be trouble but by then I knew, I KNEW I loved this man and I suspected he loved me. I knew he was the One. I just knew it. Years and years ago I had gone to a psychic who said, “You’re not ready for him yet and he’s not ready for you. But he’s had a lot of women and he’s very…ummm…spicy.”  Yep, that would describe Trinity. But it went beyond what a psychic said. It was a feeling that I can’t explain but those of you who’ve experienced it understand what I’m yammering about.

After that phone call, he became distant. I saw him less and less. He didn’t call as much and I was trying my best not to call him as I was trying to do the “George.” I knew something was terribly wrong when I was unable to drive myself to a doctor appointment and he told me he couldn’t help me. Bad show, old boy. Bad show!

A few days later I was still in severe pain from a recently diagnosed kidney infection. Trinity came over to help with my computer and he was acting weird. He wouldn’t touch me, he wouldn’t look at me and he didn’t kiss me. What the what?!  I didn’t have the strength to talk with him about it but I knew. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew.  In fact, if memory serves, I think Jessica might have even said, “Do you think he has another girlfriend?”  Hummmm….

A day later he called and said, “I have to break up with you. I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing, but I can’t see you anymore. I don’t know if this is right but I just have to break up with you.”  Blink. Blink. Blink. Whaaa?  True to form, when I’m under extreme duress, I become very calm and I morph into a plan of action type of girl.  I remember calmly saying, “Ok. Go do what you need to do.”  I had to stop myself from finishing that sentence with, “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

He hung up. I stared at the phone. My very dry mouth hung open to my chest. What the hell just happened? I was in shock. I didn’t cry or freak out and I think it’s because I didn’t have any blood left in my upper body.

I called Susie and said, “He broke up with me. Trinity just broke up with me.” And then I burst into tears.

Click here for more: Fate (part ii)

Hidden

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“Why did this happen?” or “Why isn’t this happening?!” When I’m asked these type of questions, they are always referring to things of a physical nature. When these types of questions are posed, I often don’t hear an answer from the Guys. Now, if I was asked, “What am I supposed to learn from this, spiritually?” or “Have I learned what I needed to learn?” You will most often get an answer.

You see, us humans are used to looking at things in a physical way. We don’t often use our spiritual eyes to see why something may or may not have happened.  The Guys aren’t typically concerned with the physical as their ‘job’ is to help you with your spiritual growth. Most of the time they are not interested in discussing why something did or didn’t happen on the physical plane because what happened on the spiritual realm trumps it. 

I try not to use my intuitive gifts unless I’m asked to do so, but sometimes these gifts are so much a part of me that it happens without me even knowing it. Sometimes they are so intrinsically woven into the fabric of who I am, I can’t tell what my thoughts are from those that are divinely inspired.

A case in point is this: I was talking with my oldest niece (and closest twin-in-a-past-life bestie). She’s dealing with the death of a two year relationship. She’s trying to heal from the heartache, the loss of a dream and the betrayal she uncovered.  While she is viewing things on the physical plane, I am able to give her a spiritual glimpse of why the physical outcome, although painful now, may have just safe guarded the life she desires.

She lives in a very small town and sees her ex beau and his (pregnant) fiancé often. I was thinking of how raw this would be for her until she heals. Then I had these thoughts:

1.    What if she was saved from a life of hurt, resentment and disgust because she refused to (this time) compromise her values and desires?

2.    What if, by holding tight to what she felt she needed in order for her to be truly happy, she ‘opted out’ of a relationship that would be filled with mistrust, unhappiness and control?

3.    What if, by doing this, she is telling the Universe that she’s a force to be reckoned with and she will not lower her standards. She will wait for The One who will inspire, fully commit and love/respect her as she has come to love/respect herself?

Interesting, huh? So now let’s look at what might have been if she had compromised her values.

1.    She may have married a man who would not have been faithful to her and could not give her what she needed.

2.    She may have found she didn’t feel loved, heard, appreciated or respected.

3.    She would have been largely responsible for taking care of his 4 rebellious children.

4.    She would have, once again, repeated the sins of her past and would have set herself up to learn a much harder lesson next time.

And as far as the new fiancé goes, maybe one of her needs in this lifetime is to deal with such issues so she can overcome and be done with them. I truly don’t know as I’m not doing this intuitively. I’m just saying for every person there are lessons to be learned in order to spiritually grow, heal and move forward.

Now that’s the stuff my Guys choose to talk about to those who will listen (not everyone does) and that’s the kind of spin or enlightenment I can bring to the table with their help. Quite different from the physical view and it feels energetically lighter, wouldn’t you agree?

There are so many things that are hidden from our physical view and I’m thankful for that. We humans can’t possibly understand why things happen or don’t happen. But, true fact, when we open our spiritual eyes and close our physical ones, a shift in perception occurs.

North Star (part 2)

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My most recent blog, North Star (Part 1) may have left you feeling like Debbie Downer. I promised you we’d create your “I’m SO on my right path” scenario in the next blog.

Same song, different verse. Ready? 

1.  Nuclear Energy – List three things that can always get you moving (i.e. golf game, supper with the girls, a Reiki session with Melissa).  Circle the response that makes you feel the most enthusiastic.

A.

B.

C. 

2.  To Your Health – Try to remember a time in your life when your health seemed better than usual.  What was going on in your life at the time?  Circle the situation that has the most positive associations for you.

A.

B.

C. 

3.  Memories, Light the corners of my mind……  Where’s your super memory? If you can’t remember, ask friends or loved ones what they’ve noticed about your ability to pick up certain categories of information (i.e.  math, acting, learning, singing, nutrition, helping others – stuff that ‘seems’ to come naturally or easily for you). Circle the type of information that interests you the most.

A.

B.

C. 

4.  Time Warp – List three types of activities that make you forget what time it is (i.e. you’re enjoying them so much, you literally forget what time it is – – – crafting, reading, shopping, etc.).  Circle the activity you find most absorbing.

A.

B.

C.

5.  Emotional Intelligence – Name three people who make you feel socially adept and confident.  These are people who seem to understand you and enjoy spending time with you.  Circle the name of the person who makes you feel the most comfortable and relaxed.

A.

B.

C. 

6.  Magnetic Attraction – List three times when you’ve felt strangely drawn to a person, place or thing.  You may have temporarily become unable to concentrate on anything/anyone else.  Circle the one thing that brings up the most positive feelings.

A.

B.

C.  

7.  A Natural High – List three times you experienced a wonderful mood, particularly if your good mood came at a strange time or from an action other people may have criticized.  Circle the situation that makes you feel the happiest.

A.

B.

C. 

Now to the good stuff!! Let’s create your POSITIVE or Best-Case Scenario.  Review your answers above and in the words of Jackie Gleason, “and away we go!”

It’s an incredibly beautiful day.  The air is clear, the scenery is dazzling and you’re setting out to do (#1 – High energy activity) ___________________ with (#5 – your favorite person) ______________________________________.  You’ve no other responsibilities, no immediate deadlines and no major problems weighing you down.  You feel great, even better than you did back when you were (#2 – your best health situation) _______________________________.  In fact, you’re in the best physical shape of your life: strong, lean, robust and full of energy. 

You’re having a great conversation about (3 – the information you remember most easily) _______________________ when a message arrives for you.  It’s a letter from the President saying you’ve been chosen to receive a lifetime of financial support for doing (#4 – the activity that makes you forget time) ________________________.  This will require you to spend a lot of time with (#6 – the person or situation that creates the ‘urge to merge.’) ______________________.  You feel just the way you did when (#7 – your best mood setting) __________________________ happened only more so. 

Sit with this. Take in the feelings associated with this scenario and enjoy knowing this is how you’re going to spend the rest of your life. Uh uh uh! Don’t rush though this… keep enjoying it.

OK, now you can give me a chaaaCHING!!!  Who’s with me??!  ‘Hum on! ChaaaCHING!

Now, notice how you FEEL (yes, there’s that word again!). THIS is what it’s like when you’re ‘in the flow’ or ‘following your bliss’ or as the book’s title would indicate ‘following your North Star (soul)’.  In truth, the instant I made my leap without a net (quitting a job without another in place), I was hit by this type of euphoria.

As my future became my past, it was evident why it felt so liberating to do what I did even though it scared the BLEEP out of me.  Finding my own internal North Star has made a hugely positive difference in my life. What will it do for yours?   

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North Star (part 1)

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I was recently reading (I know how to do that. It’s math that’s tricky for me) an article about what book changed your life. I have one of those books I’d like to share with you. Without it, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to do what I did or become the person I am.  

The book, “Finding Your Own North Star” by Martha Beck was the inspiration I needed to quit a job before I had another lined up. Not a big deal for some of you but for this girl, it simply was NOT done. I had rent to pay, groceries to buy and two parents who had ingrained in me the absolute need to get another job before quitting the current one.

I was 40 when I read this book and made the leap without a safety net. Looking back, there WAS a job waiting, I just couldn’t see it yet. It was called Inner Focus Reiki.

The following exercise is designed to evaluate your ‘essential self’ as Martha calls it. See where you are in your life by taking the following “I’m completely in HELL” exercise.  I’ll blog the “I’m SO on my correct path” exercises later.

There is so much more to this book but hopefully this experiment will help open your eyes, even if they are squeezed tightly shut.  Like I said, it was life changing for me.

1.  Energy Crisis – Try to remember three different events or type of events (i.e. dental appointments, jobs, classes, social functions, etc.) where you HAD to show up but felt reluctant and low-energy.  Circle the response that has the most negative association for you.

A.

B.

C.

2.  Sick, Sick, Sick – Try to remember three times when your health was below par.  What was going on in your life during each of these three periods? List each situation (they can be the same as in Energy Crisis) AND the physical symptoms you suffered.  Circle the worst symptom.

A.                                                        Symptom:

B.                                                        Symptom:

C.                                                        Symptom:

3.  Forgetting – Write down three types of information you find difficult to remember (example: people’s names, school schedules, important documents). Circle the type of information you forget most often.

A.

B.

C.

4. Blunders o’ Blunders – Write down three stupid mistakes you remember making.  Circle the most disastrous mistake.

A.

B.

C.

5.  Social Suicide – Name three people who bring out your very WORST social behavior (like every time you’re around this person you feel like a complete ass, you revert to being a child or you need a complete lobotomy).

A.

B.

C.

6.  Fight or Flight – List the times when you couldn’t sleep, slept poorly or slept so much you felt groggy or squalid (squalid? Uh, OK).  List the three problems in your life that cause sleep dis-order.  Circle the issue that most disrupted your sleep.

A.

B.

C.

7.  Addiction – Name ONE (yes, only one) bad habit or obsessive pattern you’ve been unable to eliminate (for me, it’s biting my nails.  Hey! I only had to pick ONE of them!).  Now remember what happened to trigger this bad habit the last three times you fell off the wagon.  For example, for me, it’s overwhelming stress that I feel I have too much on my plate and I’m not talkin’ dinner plate. Circle the trigger that is most likely to make you turn to your addictive habit.

A.

B.

C.

8.  Moody Blues – List the last three times you experienced a VERY bad mood or a mood that seemed inexplicable, unjustifiable or extreme.  Again, note what was happening in your life at the time these moods occurred.  Circle the one that brought out your worst mood.

A. 

B.

C.

You did it!!! That’s it for the questions. Now comes the ‘fun’ part which is getting your essential self (or soul) to speak to you.  Go back and review the items you’ve circled. It’s fill in the blank time, boys and girls. And this isn’t gonna be pretty.    Ready?  Take a big gulp of air………

YOUR OWN WORST CASE SCENARIO:

Imagine for a moment that you are in/at (response from #1 – lowest-energy situation) ________________________________. You are surrounded by (#5 – all THREE names on your list) ________________________________________ You’re not feeling your best, in fact, your (#2 – worst medical symptom) ______________________________ is bothering you more than ever.  You’ve been given a lifetime assignment that involves working with (#3 – most forgettable information) ________________________.

All the people in the room are authorized to watch you constantly, criticize your performance and punish you if you make any mistakes.  Speaking of mistakes, you’ve just done (#4 – stupidest mistake) ______________________________ a fact that was noted by your three supervisors.  Your life in general is pretty difficult right now; that whole thing with (#6 – sleep disturbances) ________________ is happening all over again.  You’re also trying to deal with (#7 – worst bad habit trigger) ___________________________. To top it ALL off, (#8 – bad mood situation) ___________________________ is more intense than ever.

Just when things are at their worst ________________ (#5 – the person who makes you the most uncomfortable) walks up.  He/she orders you to stand up, politely smile in a way that is both humble and worshipful and say to the entire assembly, “I admire you so much.  Thank you, THANK YOU for letting me be here.  You are such a terrific person and this is just what I deserve.  I want to live this way for the rest of my life!” 

Gaaahhhhh!!!!

How about that?!  How ABOUT that?! Feeling like kaka?!  If you can vividly imagine this horrible situation, you’re experiencing your own blend of anger, despair, illness, etc. It doesn’t feel good, does it?

Are your eyes opening? Are you learning anything about what you essentially need?  This book clearly states no one is supposed to EVER feel this way.  EVER!!!  And yet we do, don’t we America?

Think about this scenario for a while or until you throw up, whichever comes first.  I’ll work on Part 2 (it’s much better, I promise) and you’ll see (pun intended) where I’m going.

My Start

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I never once thought I was intuitive, NOT ONCE, until I sought out the professional services of a well-known, much loved and deeply respected local Intuitive by the name of Susie.

During our sessions, Susie would often hold her head and say, “You are so dang intuitive it makes my head hurt.” I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. I wasn’t doing anything I would consider even remotely intuitive. I wasn’t giving readings, I wasn’t channeling information and I certainly wasn’t consciously following my intuition. Intuitive?  Whaa?

I remember looking at her, shrugging my shoulders and saying, “But I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just being me.” I think I was waiting for a big revelation or some loud booming voice to say, “You’re intuitive! Go forth and intuit!”

I couldn’t figure out what Susie was seeing and why she believed so fiercely in my intuitive abilities. Well, no secret, it turns out she was right, I AM intuitive. In fact, so are you but we’ve covered that in a previous blog (Intuition).

In my quest for cultivating my intuitive abilities, I found some books that resonated with me. I went to Barnes and Noble, stood in the spiritual section and pulled out books that that resonated with me. Once I’d read them, I thought I would instantly feel like I was an Intuitive. Uh (head scratch), that didn’t happen either. Why wasn’t this working?!

I took up meditating to try and calm my mind. I lasted literally 5 seconds the first time I tried it.  I kept telepathically saying, “Hello?! Anybody there? Wanna chat?” and got the big old goose egg in the way of a response. Yeah, uh uh. That’s totally not meditating.

I was very impatient (what me?!). I demanded answers of whomever and then became crabby when I couldn’t hear the responses. I was having trouble quieting my mind. I think I was just too analytical and logical back then. But, as they say, where there is a will, there is a way.

Eventually I was led to Reiki and it was through my training that my intuitive abilities really took off.  Now Reiki is not the only reason I began to believe what Susie had been saying, not at all.  It was but one piece of the puzzle. Other pieces were Susie saying, “Don’t worry if you don’t feel the energy right now. You will, at some point. Just keep practicing.” It was me connecting with yoga, embracing meditation, healing and letting go of my need for control.

I let outdated and preconceived ideas about what my gifts should be fade away. For instance, I read a lot of Sylvia Browne books and I felt like I had to ‘see’ my Spirit Guide(s). I was getting very frustrated because that wasn’t happening. James Van Praagh was having dead people pop in for a chat over waffles. Susie was channeling and talking about past lives. Me? Well not so much. Nothing so grandiose like that was happening and it was causing me to feel like a failure.  

Once I let go of expecting to be like other veteran intuitives (Susie included), I found it easier to develop my own gifts. It realized that none of these people, Susie included, were an overnight success.  They, too, had to work at nurturing their intuitive abilities. As Susie would often say, ”we (intuitives) all play in the same band; we just play a different instrument.”

As my Reiki training progressed and while I was just being me, my intuitive abilities grew.  One of my favorite games to mentally play was imagining what people’s lives were like as I was people watching. I would make up (or would I? I ask with a raised eyebrow) stories about their lives knowing I would never know if it was my imagination or my intuition.  The point is, I was playing and allowing my mind to be creative instead of being so black and white. 

I practiced not only Reiki but my intuitive side on trusted and closest members of my family and besties. As time went on, I felt comfortable encompassing more members of my family and friends.

I found other like-minded people to practice on and I kept receiving such positive and glowing feedback that I started to honestly believe in myself. I learned I didn’t need to be touching someone or giving them Reiki in order for the intuitive information to flow. I started to trust the information was going to be there when I needed it. In essence, I trusted the Guys weren’t going to abandon me when I needed them.

It was at that point Susie, whom had become one of my closest and trusted besties, hosted a party at her house. She asked if I wanted to do intuitive readings on people. I wanted to say no but instead I said yes.  To my surprise, people were clamoring (well, that’s how I remember it anyway) to have mini-readings by yours truly.

The response and residual feedback I received convinced me I could do this professionally. It wasn’t long after that I opened the doors of Inner Focus Reiki and began offering my own brand of Intuitive Reiki.

There’s so much more I could write more about my experiences but I think I’ll stop here and just continue to be me.

Birds

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I’ve been seeing birds everywhere. I took a trip to Bismarck during a spring snow storm and there were flocks and flocks of sparrows flitting across the interstate.  They reminded me of pilot fish. There was the swallow who decided to dart inside my car. Then there was one of my besties telling me she intuitively saw bluebirds around me.

A little idea began flickering in my brain that maybe these birds were a message and I should look into it. Of course I dismissed it. Whaaa? You do it, too!

I recently realized I’m playing a CD at work that has birds chirping and I just met someone whose name is Robin. The final light bulb moment happened when a sparrow decided to go belly up on our front porch.

Seeing birds is commonplace when I do my intuitive Work.  I either see them as totems or over a client’s throat area.

When the Guys go through such an effort to get my attention, it may be because others are experiencing the same thing. Those others may benefit from my research and what I have to say.

Here’s a little bit about what I’ve learned about birds in general. This insight is based on Ted Andrews book, “Animal Speak.” Almost every bird has some ancient and symbolic association. For instance, ravens/crows are fabulous protectors, messengers and creators of magic. Robins represent new growth, a creative life force and the ability to sing your own song.

Seeing birds, as a whole, may be trying to instinctively teach us how to respond automatically or intuitively to any give situation.

Birds eat often but in smaller amounts. This may be a signal for you to examine your own eating habits to further your spiritual growth. They have a fabulous metabolism that keeps them light. For us, this may indicate a lightness of spirit or the ability to astral travel.

Birds never run out of breath (uh, not like me…remember my “Breathe/Breathes” blog?) as they literally fly right into it. So for us, being outside and doing deep breathing exercises will not only help empower, it will be needed for our overall health.  By eliminating stress (via deep breathing and relaxing) we may notice it takes less effort to accomplish tasks. Sign me up!!

Birds have excellent vision. This could translate to us using our own intuitive vision more clearly. It could also help us see in all directions – past, present and future.

Birds can teach us to recognize our need to be flexible or even the ability to recognize changes in the weather. Hummmm, predicting the weather? Cool parlor trick!

All in all, you should examine the specific traits of the bird(s) you’re seeing to give you a clue as to understanding yourself. Since I’ve been predominately seeing sparrows, let’s look at some of their traits.

·         The sparrow is a “perky and assertive bird that can hold its own….” Hummm. Sound like anyone you know??? (wink wink)

·         It will show you how to survive and awaken new senses of dignity and self-worth. It will help you sing your song.

·         It will help you succeed in spite of outside circumstances.

Pretty cool stuff, huh? Now the hard part is to figure out what this means for me. Is it possible I’m about to become more intuitive? Or maybe develop additional intuitive gifts? If that’s true, it’ll be…(cough)… something to crow about.   Wahaahhaa.

Forgiveness

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Yes, it’s happened again. Just like “Agnostic,” the word “Forgiveness” has been showing up in my life recently. I’ve been hearing it for clients; I see random articles in magazines and just today, something on Facebook. Sigh. I get it. The Guys are gently giving me a message that they feel needs to be addressed.  I know what I need to do.

It wasn’t long ago I was asked by the Powers that Be (aka My Guys/Guardian Angels) to create a channeled meditation on Forgiveness. They wanted us to have a view from their World. The meditation, along with the entire channeled meditation series, was powerful and life changing. Hey, if The Guys are going to come forward and speak about a topic, it’s for the benefit of many.

In the Forgiveness meditation, the Guys start out by saying, “…. Peace starts at home. Forgiveness is the key. We do not harbor hate, anger or even aggression. We harbor love, fulfillment and grace. We embody anger management, wisdom and euphoria.  We do not waste our time on the tiniest of infractions. We do not even give them any more than a glance, a mere glimpse, for to do so would detract from Other’s beauty, therefore detracting from Ours.”

They ask, “If you hate, how do you expect kindness? If you are jealous, how do you expect freedom? If you do not love, how do you expect to be loved?” They go on to tell us the Art of Forgiveness begins within our own heart. They say it was not designed to harbor such animosities or travesties. They say it was built to love and to aid and to be compassionate.

Ahhh…the heart.  Yes, yes.  Each and every time I’m told a client needs to forgive, it’s when I’m working over their heart area. Our heart was not designed to harbor resentment and yet millions of us continue to do so, even if it means literally killing ourselves.

According to an article in Real Simple, scientists agree that holding a serious grudge has a toxic effect on your body. What’s a ‘serious grudge’? Well, according to this article it’s defined as, “repeatedly thinking about an injustice you’ve suffered through a lens of vengeance, hostility, bitterness, resentment, anger, sadness or all of the above.”

Anger poisonSo let’s talk about the physical consequences of keeping such resentment locked inside your ‘heart.’ How about raising your blood pressure? Yep. How about raising your risk of stroke and heart attacks? Again, yes. Those were kind of easy. I mean, if you keep toxins locked inside your ‘heart’, you’re bound to suffer dis-eases of the heart. Leduh. Smarter than a fifth grader.

But did you know you also put yourself at risk of impairing your immune system? Or that your body constantly feels under attack and releases hormones that literally create inflammation? You may be thinking that inflammation is no biggy, but let me educate you. Inflammation is a known cause of arthritis, autoimmune disorders, obesity, fibromyalgia, diabetes, cancer, heart attacks, etc. It really IS a biggy.

What’s more, holding on to deep resentment also appears to aggravate depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders. I’ve just got to ask: Is it worth it? Is it worth being so gawl dang resentful of someone that you literally work yourself into an early grave?

So how do we deal with this overwhelming resentment? Well, a satisfying revenge is one way. We are actually programmed to want to do this. Back in the day, if we exacted revenge on someone, we were ensuring they wouldn’t be able to be naughty again. Revenge is a natural way of protecting ourselves, but it’s not one that I endorse.

The Guys give another option. They ask that you take a look at a powerful memory. They ask you to really examine it. Does it still cause you pain? If so, then mentally step back a little bit until you’re more comfortable viewing it.  Does stepping back allow you to feel calmer, lighter, better? If not, continue to take steps back until you move so far away from the memory that it no longer holds any power over you. For each of you, this paragraph will mean something different.

forgive yourselfThey state we may feel like we’ll never be free of this harsh and hurtful memory but They assure us we will, IF WE CHOOSE. Uh huh…We don’t have to live with the pain, we can choose to be free of it. That’s not saying we’ll forget, it’s just saying we’ll forgive.

How will you know when forgiveness has begun? Well, according to one article contributor, she say’s, “You will know when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”  I agree wholeHEARTEDLY (Oh man! I slid that right in there! Did you see how I did that?! How perfect was that?!!).

To evolve and grow, one must let go of pain. It simply does not exist where we are ultimately headed. If you choose to continue nurturing the pain, there’s a good chance you’ll get ‘there’ quicker than those of us who have allowed forgiveness to reside within our hearts.