The Guys

How do I even begin to describe the voices I hear or the knowledge I am asked to pass on to my clients? Maybe I should start by how I incorporate Their words into my Work.

I affectionately call a bunch of Arch Angels, Spirit Guides, Guardian Angels and Ascended Beings the ‘Guys.’  It’s not a term I can take credit for as I adopted it from my mentor.

I call my Work “Intuitive Reiki” for two reasons. The first is I intuitively move my hands versus following the traditional Usui Reiki hand positions. The second is, well, I am an Intuitive.

What’s an Intuitive? Intuitive/psychic. PotAYto/poTATo, although I do not personally like the word “Psychic.” For me, the word ‘intuitive’ feels more professional and seems to embody the spiritual aspect of what I do. “Psychic” has a bad connotation for me.

So what IS it that I do? The short answer is I am a channel or a portal for Ascending Beings to communicate with and through. That could mean a relative (alive or deceased), an Angel or a Guide.  I hear, see or sense the energetic outcomes to most physical, spiritual or emotional questions.

Do I see whom I’m talking to? Sometimes, yes. Especially when a relative shows up, an animal totem appears or maybe even a Guide that is there to assist with the Healing. Mainly though, it’s the Guys and I don’t see them as They are pure energy, kind of like air. I just never know who’s going to come to the party.

My Work mainly deals with the spiritual, meaning the Guys want to tell you about your spiritual progress.  They do so in several ways. Sometimes They show me pictures and I’m left to interpret the message. Sometimes They talk and sometimes it’s just a knowing I have.  Sometimes it’s a soft voice, sometimes it’s loud and sometimes it seems to come from several fused voices.

While you’re thinking I’m going to get all Oda Mae on you, my Work isn’t like that. I can’t control who shows up, there’s no rocking of the table and I know my eyes don’t roll in the back of my head.

The Guys are ecstatic to have an open, uncensored, clear channel in which to communicate.  My Guys do not try to scare you or cause fear. These Beings are of high energy and Their first priority is your spiritual growth. The messages I am asked to relate are all aimed at helping you grow.

Sometimes people think I can see that they’re the ones who put the empty milk carton back in the fridge or whatever assorted ‘things’ they are embarrassed by. I assure my clients it doesn’t work that way.  Again, if the Guys are concerned with your spiritual growth, They are not going to waste time telling you that you shouldn’t have tied Tommy’s shoe laces together in the second grade. They have bigger fish to fry.

Part of my charm is that I can only validate what you know. Never should I tell you anything that you are not already aware of. This stuff might be buried deep inside you or housed in your subconscious, but it’s all stuff you know.

I most certainly can answer questions about physical stuff as well (‘Do you see a boyfriend for me? Will I get the promotion? How many children will I have?’).  What I see/hear/sense is accurate for that moment. Because God gave us free will, I make sure each client knows they can change absolutely anything (physical or spiritual) I say.

It should also be noted that it’s not up to me to make your dreams come true or bring to life the visions I’m seeing. I am a mere mortal, after all. I may be able to give you a road map, but you’re going to have to figure out which road to take.

Why? Well, the Guys speak in a very esoteric language. It’s not a ‘do this’ or ‘don’t do that’ approach. With a lot of Their messages, you have to figure out what the meaning is or what you’re supposed to do.  Yes, the Guys DO give specific answers on some stuff, but for the most part, it’s up to you to find the path that leads you to your end goal.

Sometimes, the beauty of the Truth lies in the exact wordage used by the Guys. It’s verbiage that comes from the client’s repertoire, and it’s often repeated back to the client. So if you are an artist, I may find myself saying all sorts of words dealing with color and texture. If you are intelligent, I FOR SURE will be stammering over words I don’t know how to pronounce. I used to be embarrassed by this but now? Pshaw! It’s old hat. Besides, the words are meant for the client, not for me.

There have been cases where I’ve spouted out something like, ‘jambalaya’ and my client doesn’t understand. Gee, I wonder why!  Jambalaya?! When words like that appear or other words are constantly repeated, I have learned to write them down. When our session is over, I look up their meaning (if I can figure out how to spell them, that is). Almost all of the time the words have a spiritual meaning that is relevant to my client.

I’m really no different than you. Truly. We are all intuitive but I chose to grow my gifts so I may be of service to others. My Work is to empower, enlighten and inspire. I believe the Guys help me do just that. In spades.

Intuition

Intuition. 100% of us are intuitive. 100% of us have intuition. Not all of us choose to listen or hear or even grow this gift. If the intuition you were born with isn’t encouraged or used, it will wither and fade.  Take note that I didn’t say ‘die.’  Nope. This gift, which I believe all of us have, will not die no matter how malnourished, mistreated or mistrusted. Intuition could be considered an evolutionary protector, as its job is to literally save our bacon.  It seems like I should throw a caveman analogy line in here, but I think I’ve played that card already.

Who hasn’t had gut feelings? I mean, who hasn’t?! Who hasn’t had the hair on their arms or the nape of their neck stand up? Who hasn’t thought something similar to, “I’d better not go down that street even though I’ve walked that way for 13 years. Today, I’d better choose a different route.” Or how about “I have to call Aunt Matilda. She’s been on my mind and something doesn’t feel right.”  Only to find out she doesn’t have Lifeline Alert and has fallen and …(snicker…) can’t get up.

On a lighter note, haven’t you guys just ‘known’ you need to pick up an extra 500 rolls of toilet paper only to be told later that cotton prices are skyrocketing? Or, if you’re like me, I know I should Neti but I don’t want to.  Again, I’m hit with the gut feeling I should Neti and again I choose to ignore it.  Two days later, uhhh, I should have Neti’d. I’m feeling the start of a head cold. Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh (insert a V8 head slap here)!!!  I’ve been around the block a time or two with this intuition stuff and yet I STILL fight it!

Yes, intuition.  Sometimes we listen to our gut and sometimes we don’t. Mostly intuition is meant to warn us but not always. Again, if it’s an evolutionary thing and its purpose is to help protect us, then there’s a reason for it.

Have you noticed when you ignore your intuition is when you get yourself into trouble? You know I’m right. Right??!

Case in point.  A very close friend of mine decided to marry his starter wife even though four days before their wedding he was struck with the thought that he shouldn’t do so. This wasn’t a pre-marital jitter.  He knew, deeply and strongly, going through with this marriage was wrong. He ignored his gut feeling and his marriage was, uhhh, difficult at best. His divorce was epically (is that a word?) nasty. To this day, years and years after their divorce, this bloke is still paying the price for not listening to his intuition. Admittedly, he says this was a powerful lesson for him to learn (Chaaaaa! Do you think?!) and he listens closely now when intuition comes a callin’.

Me? Well, sure I had gut feelings, but for the most part if intuition wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear, I didn’t listen.  Plain and simple.

For instance, 1999. My mom was having routine heart surgery (if there’s really such a thing). As she and dad were backing out of our driveway, mom glanced at me. I was hit hard, like a fist to the stomach, with the knowledge my mom wasn’t going to make the return trip.

I felt the blood drain from my face and my eyes widen. Time seemed to have slowed down – wayyyyy down. My gaze faltered away from her for a nanosecond. When I looked back, mom was smiling gently and raising her hand in a wave goodbye.

Of course, I totally pooh-pooh’d that gut feeling. I said, like anyone else would, “Nah. That’s not going to happen.”  But it did. It did happen.

I woke up a few minutes before we received the “get to the hospital right away” phone call. It was another slo-mo time moment.  I remember being in the hotel bed staring into the darkness and knowing mom was gone. I could feel her energy surround me, hover over me. I heard – or maybe I felt – her tell me she loved me.

I look back on that event and I know it was the tremor that started the earthquake for me (see Abuse/Abuses blogs for more information on my journey).  I wish I had acted on my gut instinct. I wish I would have stopped their car and told mom I loved her one more time. I wish I would have hugged her one more time and told her I still needed her. Above all, I really wanted to ask her if she “knew”.

Sometimes you have to act upon your intuition NOW. Other times, you may get a couple of warning shots across the bow. The real trick, I think, is in knowing which option has been presented to you.  Either way, if you ignore what your gut is telling you, there will be a cost. Whether that price is small or big, you’re going to say, “Oh! I KNEW it! I knew I should have…..”

Permanent

A new friend recently triggered some memories of my youth. Most specifically a couple of years spent as a teenager in the ‘yellow house.’ Come along with me while I reminisce about one of those memories.

I was a gangly girl with braces, headgear, pink glasses, ‘sunken treasure’ chest and bad, bad chia-pet home perms. My mom didn’t believe in me dating until I was 16.  But really, ummm, based on the previous description, I don’t think she had any cause to worry.

Let’s talk about my hair, most specifically my home perms. You just haven’t lived unless your mom has given you an Ogilvy home perm with the smallest rods known to mankind. I should mention I had (and have!) gobs and gobs of thick hair. Gobs.

So let me paint this picture. It’s perm day.  When my hair wasn’t permed, it was almost to my shoulders.  K? Got it? Thick hair and medium length. I would sit for hours while my mom cranked my hair into these little tiny rods. It wasn’t quite the bonding experience you might envision. No… She didn’t use her time to talk to me about drugs or warn me about the perils of unprotected sex (God FORBID!) or even choosing pepper over salt. No, she used the time to take that little rat tail comb and poke (stab?!) me in the shoulders. “Quit fidgeting” is what she would mumble. Feeling the love, mom.

Sigh.  This memory isn’t as much fun for me to recall as I thought it would be but I’ve come this far and I’ll do it for you, my blog readers. What a good trooper I am!  Once my hair was rolled and my eyes had taken on a slight Asian slant, then came the roll of cotton around my forehead and neck. Supposedly, this cotton was to keep the permanent solution from dripping into my eyes. I think it was a form of torture as the only thing it did was itch like hell. I had more rashes around my hairline from that damn saturated cotton sitting there festering away than I’d like to remember.

So…cotton…then the perm solution.  Anyone who has EVER had a home perm knows that shit is NASTEEEEY!  It’s cold and drippy and eeuwy-yucky smelling. And you have to stay IN THE KITCHEN because you don’t want to take a chance it’ll drip on the carpet or something. It’s good enough to sit on your scalp for like EVER, but God FORBID one little iota will get on the carpet.

After your hair and scalp have sufficiently marinated in the uber toxic curl maker, you had to rinse your hair in the kitchen sink.  Nope, you can’t use the tub, you have to use the kitchen sink.  It’s at that point, after you’ve been bent over for HOURS so the 439 perm rods can be removed, you hear, “Oh oh. Oh dear. Darn it.”  WHAT?!   MOM! I’M BENT OVER HERE!! DON’T SAY, ‘OH OH’ or ‘OH DEAR’ or even  ‘DARN IT.’  WHATTTTT?!! WHAT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS WRONG!!?

“Oh honey, it looks like some of your hair fell out.”

Sigh.  Blink. Blink. Blink. Really??  REALLY!?!

That’s almost the kiss of death to a teenager who doesn’t want to stand out. I was dorky enough, let alone to be missing a portion of my hair. “Oh honey, it looks like some of your hair fell out” is NOT what I wanted to hear. Ever. Ever.   But I heard it more than once.  It was always at the hairline too, not some inconspicuous place my mop would cover. NooOOOooo…hairline.  Soaked, itchy cotton marinating ON MY HAIRLINE. “Oh honey….”

Once my hair (what remained) was rinsed, I couldn’t wash it for three days or the perm would relax to quickly (or something equally as cockamamie). That’s THREE DAYS of being a teenager with stinky perm hair.  Three days, minimum, I might add.  When I could wash my hair it took like 14 bottles of ‘Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific’ to fully get the odiferous odor out.

And then let’s talk about the end result, shall we?  Gahhhhh! I have a big old lump in my throat right now thinking about this part.  While I’m sure my mom used perm rods made for Barbie because she thought the ‘perm would last longer’, I was left with the worst cha-cha-chia pet hair of my entire life.  I mean, it was tighter than some poodles fur. And I had thick hair! I looked like a fuzz ball. I couldn’t even comb it; I had to use a pick (which, thankfully, was fashionable back in the late 70’s, early 80’s). It wasn’t quite to the Afro level, but it was darn close.

I remember getting my third haircut and some kid said, “Did you get your haircut? It looks the same.”  Yep.  I was going on four months with that damned Ogilvy perm and it outlasted (much to my horror) cut after cut after cut.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get anymore pathetic, remember the hair I ‘lost’ around my hairline? Well, what do you think it was doing while my chia-pet perm was all coiled up and hissing??  It was growing STRAIGHT OUT (eye roll). Picture THAT if you dare. Chia pet meets protuding, stick straight hair.  DeLOVELY!

Yeah, really, mom didn’t need to worry about the boys lining up to ask me out.  At least not at that point. I think she took it more seriously when I was a little older AND HOME PERM FREE.  Correlation? Maybe. 😉

Forgiveness

Yes, it’s happened again. Just like “Agnostic,” the word “Forgiveness” has been showing up in my life recently. I’ve been hearing it for clients; I see random articles in magazines and just today, something on Facebook. Sigh. I get it. The Guys are gently giving me a message that they feel needs to be addressed.  I know what I need to do.

It wasn’t long ago I was asked by the Powers that Be (aka My Guys/Guardian Angels) to create a channeled meditation on Forgiveness. They wanted us to have a view from their World. The meditation, along with the entire channeled meditation series, was powerful and life changing. Hey, if The Guys are going to come forward and speak about a topic, it’s for the benefit of many.

In the Forgiveness meditation, the Guys start out by saying, “…. Peace starts at home. Forgiveness is the key. We do not harbor hate, anger or even aggression. We harbor love, fulfillment and grace. We embody anger management, wisdom and euphoria.  We do not waste our time on the tiniest of infractions. We do not even give them any more than a glance, a mere glimpse, for to do so would detract from Other’s beauty, therefore detracting from Ours.”

They ask, “If you hate, how do you expect kindness? If you are jealous, how do you expect freedom? If you do not love, how do you expect to be loved?” They go on to tell us the Art of Forgiveness begins within our own heart. They say it was not designed to harbor such animosities or travesties. They say it was built to love and to aid and to be compassionate.

Ahhh…the heart.  Yes, yes.  Each and every time I’m told a client needs to forgive, it’s when I’m working over their heart area. Our heart was not designed to harbor resentment and yet millions of us continue to do so, even if it means literally killing ourselves.

According to an article in Real Simple, scientists agree that holding a serious grudge has a toxic effect on your body. What’s a ‘serious grudge’? Well, according to this article it’s defined as, “repeatedly thinking about an injustice you’ve suffered through a lens of vengeance, hostility, bitterness, resentment, anger, sadness or all of the above.”

Anger poisonSo let’s talk about the physical consequences of keeping such resentment locked inside your ‘heart.’ How about raising your blood pressure? Yep. How about raising your risk of stroke and heart attacks? Again, yes. Those were kind of easy. I mean, if you keep toxins locked inside your ‘heart’, you’re bound to suffer dis-eases of the heart. Leduh. Smarter than a fifth grader.

But did you know you also put yourself at risk of impairing your immune system? Or that your body constantly feels under attack and releases hormones that literally create inflammation? You may be thinking that inflammation is no biggy, but let me educate you. Inflammation is a known cause of arthritis, autoimmune disorders, obesity, fibromyalgia, diabetes, cancer, heart attacks, etc. It really IS a biggy.

What’s more, holding on to deep resentment also appears to aggravate depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders. I’ve just got to ask: Is it worth it? Is it worth being so gawl dang resentful of someone that you literally work yourself into an early grave?

So how do we deal with this overwhelming resentment? Well, a satisfying revenge is one way. We are actually programmed to want to do this. Back in the day, if we exacted revenge on someone, we were ensuring they wouldn’t be able to be naughty again. Revenge is a natural way of protecting ourselves, but it’s not one that I endorse.

The Guys give another option. They ask that you take a look at a powerful memory. They ask you to really examine it. Does it still cause you pain? If so, then mentally step back a little bit until you’re more comfortable viewing it.  Does stepping back allow you to feel calmer, lighter, better? If not, continue to take steps back until you move so far away from the memory that it no longer holds any power over you. For each of you, this paragraph will mean something different.

forgive yourselfThey state we may feel like we’ll never be free of this harsh and hurtful memory but They assure us we will, IF WE CHOOSE. Uh huh…We don’t have to live with the pain, we can choose to be free of it. That’s not saying we’ll forget, it’s just saying we’ll forgive.

How will you know when forgiveness has begun? Well, according to one article contributor, she say’s, “You will know when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”  I agree wholeHEARTEDLY (Oh man! I slid that right in there! Did you see how I did that?! How perfect was that?!!).

To evolve and grow, one must let go of pain. It simply does not exist where we are ultimately headed. If you choose to continue nurturing the pain, there’s a good chance you’ll get ‘there’ quicker than those of us who have allowed forgiveness to reside within our hearts.

Reiki (part III)

(This blog is a continuation of my Reiki (part I) and Reiki (part II) blog.)

Remember earlier I said I was ‘led’ to Reiki? I believe God wanted me to be a Healer so He allowed me to have a disease that I was able to overcome in order to see the profound beauty of Reiki. It was, after all, that disease that led me to Reiki and got me thinking I’d like to help others with this amazing Art.

I want to talk about the levels of Reiki training. There are four of them. Reiki I, Reiki II, Reiki III and Reiki Master. The only fundamental difference between a Reiki I and a Reiki Master is that as a Master, according to Dr. Usui’s system (that’s the one I’m trained in) you can teach Reiki to others.  And teaching is in my blood.

I love, LOVE teaching Reiki. In Reiki I, I get to see newbees eyes widen when they feel the energy of others for the first time. In Reiki II, I get to hear ‘that was so cool’ when we literally send energy to each other and in Reiki III I get to give a beautiful attunement that is unlike any other.

What’s an attunement? Yes, I suppose I should answer that. An attunement is me and the Powers that Be opening up dormant energy centers within you so that you can more efficiently and effectively give Reiki to yourself and others.

The attunement is the reason you should really REALLY find a Reiki Master that you resonate with when searching for Reiki training. Truly, not just anyone will do. You’ll carry or house some of your instructor’s energy after he/she gives you the attunement. Make sure it’s the kind of energy you want.

Do you need to take Reiki classes from a Reiki Master? I feel you do, but that’s just me. There is no substitution for a hands-on class or the feedback/questions you get from other students.  There are on-line courses available, and they are what they are, but for me, I’m not a fan. Again, there is something so dynamic about the energy of certain individuals coming together, learning and bonding in a comfortable, intimate training environment that you can’t get with an on-line course. You won’t be able to experience the wonderment and beauty of the hands-on attunement process either. But that’s just me. You do what you’re led to do.

Does being a Reiki II, III or even a Master make you better than another level? NO! No how, no way, no, no, no. There are individuals out there who are kind of snobby about holding a Reiki Mastery title, but let me tell you, it doesn’t make them any better than a newly attuned Reiki I.

One of the beauties about Reiki is the more you use it, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you use it. If you, as a Reiki I practice Reiki often (whatever ‘often’ means to you, for me the term mean means almost daily), you can literally receive/give more energy than a Reiki III or even a Master. Why? Because Usui Reiki isn’t about titles, it’s about how often you use it.  And yes, that means even if you are just giving Reiki to yourself everyday.

So, should a person experience Reiki before taking the training? Well, that depends. For me, I’m not sure I would have been so gaga over it if I DIDN’T experience it. For others, they jump right in to the training. Whatever is your preference.  A caveat though, some Reiki practitioners, as with any professions, are not ethical, morally responsible or even respectful of their Trade. They do not walk the walk, so to speak. Yes, unfortunately, they are out there.  Please be mindful of that.

If you are thinking about having a session or taking training, here’s some questions you may want to ask if you don’t personally know your Practitioner:

1.     How long have you been doing this? (There’s no right or wrong answer here – experience doesn’t make a practitioner better than one with less, it’s just a piece of the puzzle.)

2.     How often do you receive Reiki? (Personally, I receive Reiki daily, but what you’re looking for here is to see if the Practitioner is active or stagnant in her practice.)

3.     Where did you take your training? (Again, on-line courses are fine. It’s just another piece of the puzzle that needs to fit with your needs.)

4.     How long have you been teaching? (Again, just another piece of the puzzle.)

These are just a few questions that came to mind. What you’re looking for is your level of comfortableness and confidence with this person. Is he/she personable? Professional? Polite? Respectful? Knowledgeable? Do you resonate with their ideas or energy? All things to think about.

I love my job. I really, REALLY do. I can’t imagine doing anything else that would give me such a deep sense of peace. I have so much more to tell you about Reiki, including the miracles I’ve witnessed and how you really can send energy three inches or three thousand miles, but I’ll end it here.

I hope it’s obvious how passionate I am about my Work and the people Reiki has allowed me to help. If Reiki is something you’d like to receive or learn, then find a practitioner that resonates with you.  As my friend MarJean says, “There comes a point in your life where you have to stop asking ‘why’ and start asking ‘why not?’    😉

Note: If you want to share your own Reiki story in the ‘comment’ section of this blog, I encourage you to do so. That way others can  learn from your own amazing personal experiences.

Reiki (part II)

In my last blog, “Reiki (part I)” I was telling you about how I was led (yes, led…you’ll see why I chose that word later) to Reiki.  I was telling you that while you may think Reiki is a cure-all to end all cure-alls based on my own personal Reiki miracle experience, there is so much more that goes into your Healing.

Let me be crystal clear; Reiki is NOT a cure-all but I have seen so many miracles that defy the odds. Again, Reiki is energy work. Reiki goes by a Divine Power (whatever you chose to call that Power) to where it is most needed. So if you go to a Reiki practitioner for a migraine, you may notice your knee feeling better but you still have the headache. You may seek out a treatment to sleep better and then find old achy emotional wounds have been dredged up so you can heal them.   Reiki goes where it needs to go. It isn’t up to the practitioner to control …that all happens at the hands of God (the Universe, Higher Power, whatever your terminology is).

I’d like to also say that I believe if you are meant to die from or have a disease, there is nothing Eastern or Western medicine can do to change that. Even if you have a powerful mind and believe you’ll completely heal, that may not change the cards you were dealt. Sometimes, we are meant to learn life lessons and one of those might be to experience the disease/affliction to its fullest. If Reiki energy is unable to help your disease, it will go where it is most needed (pain, sleep, emotions, etc.).

I’m reminded of a cherished, forward thinking and upbeat older client of mine. He was diagnosed with cancer and refused chemo/radiation. He went with several alternative healing therapies instead.  He repeatedly stated how much better he felt/slept after our Reiki sessions. He did pass away from his disease even though he firmly beleived it wasn’t going to get the better of him.

Once I had a taste of Reiki and saw what it did for me, I couldn’t imagine not knowing more. My thought was if I could take away one person’s pain, even for five minutes, then I would consider myself a HUGE success. I took all my levels of training through Susie and apprenticed under her to get my Mastery degree. In truth, I’m still learning from her.

Once I had my Mastery degree I thought, “What am I going to do with this?” I still hadn’t found a second career and being self-employed scared the heck out of me. But all roads seemed to point to me opening up my own business, so I did. Knocking knees and all.

Let’s talk a bit about what Reiki can do.  If Reiki works by unblocking or moving stagnant energy, then there really is no limit to what it can do or whom it can help. Yes, even if you don’t believe in energy work or are Athiest, Reiki will still help. I’ll list a few diseases, but this is absolutely not inclusive as again, Reiki can help with ANY affliction. High blood pressure, anxiety, stress, diabetes, PMS, infertility, chemotherapy, cancer, broken bones, migraines, back pain, sleep dysfunction, anger issues, depression, fibromyalgia, etc.

Reiki works on plants, animals (dogs and horses LOVE it! Cats love it too, but it has to be on THEIR terms) as well as unborn babies. I love, LOVE working on pregnant women and I loved doing my Work when I was pregnant.

Reiki is innate, meaning, we ALL know how to give Reiki. For instance, when you have a stomachache, what do you do? You rub your tummy. Headache? You put your head in your hands. If a child has an owie you kiss it or rub it.  How about when someone is sad? You may hug them or hold their hand. Yes, I bet you’ve been working with people’s energy since fresh out of the womb. What I do as a Reiki teacher is to reconnect you with that ability and show you how to be more proficient delivering it. Well, that and I add in some fun tricks, too.

Reiki can never cause harm. I’ll say it again. Reiki can NEVER cause harm. Not to anything. Ever. Reiki simply will not work if your intent is to inflict pain upon someone.  To my knowledge, Reiki is the only energy work that can say this.

What does Reiki feel like? Some say they feel tingling or warmth. Others say they feel completely calm. Still others say they’ve never felt so energized. All in all, I’ve been repeatedly told my clients feel relaxed, calmed and in need of a nap. 😉  Unless, of course, you’re that one person who is so completely energized you bounce out of my office. But for the most part, deep relaxation rules the roost in Reiki.

Are there any side effects from receiving Reiki? Well sure! Reiki is a powerful detoxing agent and when you receive Reiki energy, it works with your emotional, physical and spiritual body.  It stirs up stuff that is ready to be released. Usually these are run of the mill symptoms like a headache, stomach upset or intestinal distress.  I find if you drink more water (preferably with an organic lemon slice or two), your symptoms are less noticeable. Most people don’t experience anything even remotely unpleasant. It all depends on what you’re being seen for and where you are as a whole.

Speaking of being seen, how often SHOULD you go to a practitioner? We are bombarded with negative energy every day (every minute sometimes) and that can sap us. I tell my clients if they are coming to me for a chronic illness, then they’ll usually need more than one session in order to alleviate or eliminate the problem. I mean, if you’ve lived with anxiety for 30 years, it might be a tish unrealistic to think one hour long session is going to be the cat’s meow.  It could – again, I’ve seen so many miracles – but for the most part, a grouping of treatments would be needed.

If you’re feeling good and just want what I call a ‘tune up’, then see your Reiki practitioner once a month, once every six months or once a year. You decide.

I’ve much more to tell but will continue in another (ANOTHER!?!) blog…

Reiki (part I)

You’ve heard me yammer on and on about Reiki but I haven’t told you what Reiki is. Here’s two or three blogs dedicated to that subject. Reiki is a 2500-year-old Japanese technique for reducing stress and promoting healing. In a nutshell, Reiki is energy. That’s my spiel for those that ask but Reiki is just so much more than this.

I was led to Reiki back in the early 2000’s. I had developed a physical affliction that the medical community said the only option was surgery. If I had the surgery, I wouldn’t be able to have children. Dum de dum dum DUM! Nope. No can do. No siree bob. The no meister. No thank you sir. And, no drill sergeant, I do not want another.

I was faced with a disease that was one stage away from cancer. Oddly, that wasn’t what scared me. What scared me was the fact that if I had this surgery, I would never be able to have children.  Even now, I’m wondering why I didn’t freak out about what could have been.

As you can imagine, I had a complete meltdown. I turned to Charmaine who said, “Why don’t you try Reiki? Susie does that. Check with her.”

At the time I didn’t know what Reiki was but I was familiar with Susie’s Work as I was a client of hers.  I knew she was an amazing Intuitive but I didn’t know squat about energy work.

Susie invited me to receive a Group Healing. A Group Healing is where any number of Reiki practitioners get together to work on a particular person(s).  These practitioners can be anywhere in their Reiki training; level 1 through Mastery degree. I had one Group Healing and it was powerful and profound.  If you can imagine how it felt to have all these women coming together just to help me, well, it was humbling to say the least.

After the first session, I knew I needed one more Healing. I just knew it. I wasn’t the Intuitive I am today, but I was starting on my spiritual journey and I knew one more session was all I would need.

I assimilated all of that energy and in a month’s time and I went back for another Group Healing. This Healing was so completely different. It was some of the same women who worked on me previously, but some different ones as well.  The energy I received was so powerful, I was moved to tears several times during and after the session. My body was tingling and I felt like I was floating. I couldn’t concentrate and my head felt fuzzy even though I was aware of everything that was going on.

After that session I knew, I KNEW my condition was gone and that surgery was no longer needed. I returned to my medical doctor and she confirmed what I knew, however she was puzzled as to how my condition, in the stage it was, had gone away. I don’t think I told her it was energy work. Nor did I tell her I was working extremely hard to bury the negative self-worth/self esteem issues I was left with after the death of my marriage. (See my “Abuse” blog for more information on this.)

Now, before all of you start thinking Reiki is a cure-all and was 100% responsible for my miracle, there is more to the story. Ah HAH! You see I believe the mind is a powerful tool. It can make us believe we are sick, healthy, beautiful, ugly, skinny or fat. It can make us believe what our abusers tell us, whether that abuser is an outsider or ourselves. It can make us believe we are destined for failure and don’t deserve love. It can also make us believe we are worthy and loveable. The mind is unbelievably powerful.

Whatever you repeatedly tell yourself is what’s going to stick. Just like when we tell ourselves we are ugly…the mind believes that.  Tell yourself you’re beautiful and the mind will believe that, too. It may take some practice to sway your old way of thinking, but it DOES work.

Anyway, I digress. I did write the blog entitled “George” that talks a little bit about this, but I may blog about this in depth another day. It’s obviously something that is near and dear to my heart. So many blog ideas, so little time. 🙂

For me, I knew my disease had developed because I thought about myself in a horrible way. I had just left an abusive marriage where my self-esteem/self-worth and personal power had been flushed down the old crapper.  I knew, on some level, I needed to believe and empower myself once again.

I started to rebuild, mentally, emotionally and physically. I created a mantra that I silently said over and over whenever and wherever (it was, “I am healthy, happy and whole”). I started to believe in myself once again and I believed my physical condition was gone.

In about three months time, after two Group Healings and me excising some emotional demons, I returned to my doctor’s office convinced I was completely cured. I obviously wasn’t completely convinced because I still wanted the confirmation of the medical community.

So while Reiki played a huge part in my Healing, I was – my MIND – was also responsible for the Healing that occurred.

Click here for part II…

Frightened

Something happened that while wasn’t totally unexpected; it was jarring and, apparently, has triggered some deep feelings of fear inside of me. My husband lost his full-time job yesterday. ‘Conflict of Interest’ was what he was told.  I get it. He gets it, but neither one of us expected it to happen like this and certainly not NOW.

Trinity has long had a dream of being self-employed and he started his own part-time A/V business in 2011 (www.trinspin.com). His goal has always been to provide exemplary customer service and that tenet wasn’t always in harmony with his previous employer.  This is nothing against his employer – not at all – this speaks to my husband’s personal and spiritual growth and wanting to do more, be more and deliver more.

When he told me the news, I panicked. Maybe not my finest moment for being there for my husband. You know how it goes, money – although the Guys say it’s ‘just an illusion’, that ‘illusion’ pays the mortgage and the daycare and our health insurance.  Sometimes I want to tell the Guys I’ve got their ‘illusion’ right HERE!

I had to sit for a moment and ask myself what was really going on with me. Not an easy thing to do when my face has lost all of its blood and I’m on the verge of hyperventilating. I’m being a bit dramatic, but here’s what was going on in my mind.

Immediately, not unlike the rest of you, I jump to the absolute worst-case scenario.  For me, among other things, that means….uhh…. leaving Inner Focus Reiki and going back to Corporate America (insert gagging sound). That’s giving up a job I adore and love so I can do something I don’t love and adore all for a paycheck. I’d do it. I’d absolutely do it if it meant health insurance, food on the table and a roof over our head. You bet your sweet arse I’d do it.  But I don’t want to!

You’d think me being an intuitive, I could just tap into some of the Guy’s knowledge and make this all go bubb-bye. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way, at least not when I’m in a snit. When things are messy in my head, I can’t see/hear straight and even though the Guys may be yelling to me that “all is well” it doesn’t FEEL well.   I doubt what I am hearing and I don’t trust myself to be a clear channel.

After going back and forth as to if I should call Susie (I, um, don’t like to ask for help), I called and said, “I’m frightened. Please help me. Lie to me if you have to, but I can’t get clear and I’m really, REALLY frightened.” True to our friendship, she said what I felt in my heart; yes, everything was going to turn out beautifully and soon.  Just hearing her calming voice validate what I thought I knew was reassuring. My rabbit breathing started to return to quasi-normal.

After having a chance to get a dang grip (kind of), I reflected that we had financially prepared for this. We can’t go very long without the type of income he envisions, but we can make things work short term.  My husband has already been pro-active on finding health insurance and ways to keep his family fed. And, last but not least, Trinity has never let me down. Not once. He made a promise to my dad that he would always take care of me and he has never gone back on that.  In reality, he’s taken care of himself for a lifetime. He’s rolled with the punches and made beautiful things out of crappy-crap. He knows what needs to be done and he’s so got this. I’ll do whatever I can to assist but I’ve got to trust and that, my friends, is the reality of it all.

We visited more about things and Trinity admitted that he was frightened. Part of me was like, “NO! I’m frightened! You can’t be. You’re the man, you have to tell me everything is going to be resplendent!”  Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!! Sheesh! Obviously I am still working on feeling less like a child and more like an adult. (See my Abuse blog for reference).

But then a part of me said, “Melissa. Can you imagine how your sweet husband is feeling? He IS the breadwinner of this family and has always been the provider for his families. I bet he’s feeling like he was punched in the gut and like he’s under the proverbial gun. He knows you abhor the thought of going back to Corporate America and he’s already told you he’s trying to get some income rolling in, etc. This is happening to HIM and maybe he’s feeling the overwhelming stress of it all.  What can you do for him?”

Gulp. I like that side of me better. 😉

With that, I focused on the positives. I even had a tish bit of my humor return. I found myself wondering if I could reuse toilet paper or even ‘spare a square’ here and there.  Hey! I’m so not even kidding! This little girl knows how to be thrifty.

My honey was out the door by 7:30 this morning with a whole list of things to do and people to see/contact. His parting comment was, “I’m kind of excited!” and I believe him. I’m taking his excitement and  trying to work on getting my flip-flapping frightened FREAK OUT-ON under control. Breathing here……..breathing……..

Abuses

(This blog is a continuation of my previous blog entitled, ‘Abuse’.)

And take back my Power I did. It wasn’t easy though. Don’t be fooled into thinking it was. I had opted for divorce over suicide. Good decision, don’t you think? But you have to understand, when you’re in something that is so harmful and most of you is gone, you think you don’t have a choice. I was caught between strongly wanting to honor my marriage vows (I did marry for life, after all) and not wanting to leave a marriage that wasn’t ‘all that bad.’ Again, when sober, my husband was everything to me. Why couldn’t he see that? Why couldn’t he change?!

Well, maybe it was because he wasn’t ready to change or maybe it wasn’t for him to change. Maybe it was for ME. I don’t know. You can only change yourself (I learned that in counseling, too).

As any woman who has been in an abusive relationship knows, there is a ‘cycle’ or a rhythm that happens.  This cycle will not change until one person decides to do something differently. For me, the cycle was: drink, fight, sober, apologize. Then, one month, one week or one day later, it would all begin again.

I’d tell myself, “This is the last time. If it happens again, I’m filing for divorce.” And then it would happen again and I wouldn’t be ready to take the next step.

When I was ready, I did break the cycle.  I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he laughed at me. He said “don’t threaten me with that.”  I leveled my gaze and felt 90 feet tall. I said, deadly calm, “Do you honestly think I would joke about this?! I. Want. A. Divorce.”

Either his laughing or thinking I was bluffing was all it took to get a little bit of the Melissa I used to be to assert herself into the Melissa I had become.

Listening to the women’s stories the other night triggered some powerful memories and emotions for me. Out of those memories/emotions came these blogs.  I know there are so many of us (men and women) who are suffering abuse. Abuse can come at the hands of another or at the hands of ourselves. Sometimes I think the abuse we heap upon our own shoulders is the most insidious.

Who hasn’t thought, “I’m worthless. I’m a failure. I’m fat. Nobody will love me. I’m stupid.” If you’ve never had a thought about yourself like that, then I applaud you.  At times, thoughts like those plagued me and sometimes still do! Told you I was a work in progress. But, as with external abusers, you don’t need to put up with that.  As with anything, if you want it to change, then change it yourself.

One of the things I did to combat my negative self-talk and heal from the death of my marriage was to find things that were empowering to me. I hired a personal trainer to help me feel physically strong. I broke the ties of most of my old friends and found new ones that supported and encouraged me. I found fabulous spiritual mentors who helped me see the World through different eyes.

How? I’m so glad you asked! I believe we incarnate to learn lessons. Some are powerful and some are gentle. Sometimes we learn them and sometimes we don’t.  For me, I think I came back to learn I had the power inside of me to help myself and I didn’t need to give that away to anyone else.

I’m fully at peace with what happened during my first marriage. I forgive my ex-husband and myself. Sometimes though, I really want to ask him if he can forgive me. You see, I believe he and I agreed to come together in this lifetime in order for one or both of us to learn powerful and profound lessons. I love him for the part he played in my spiritual/emotional growth. That sentence took a whole lot of healing on my part, but that’s where I am. For all I know, he saw a glimpse of what I’d become if he did this or that and he decided to give up some of his own happiness so I could become radiant. I don’t know. But there are no coincidences in life. That I DO know.

I will not stand for abuse in my life. I’m by no means the authority on it, but I know what I deem as abusive. Remember, abuse takes many forms. If you are belittling yourself and calling yourself names, then I’m telling you that’s a complete travesty to your beauty. Stop it. Stop it right now. You do not deserve to see yourself as ‘less than’. You do not deserve to treat yourself so poorly. Ever. You are a child of God, no less or more important than the next person.

Choose your internal/external words wisely or you may be unknowingly teaching this kind of abuse to your children.  I’m betting the legacy you’d like to leave is filled with positive, loving and uplifting words.  I know that’s the legacy I’m trying to create for our daughter.

If you’ve glimpsed yourself in these two blogs, do what you need to do for you. You are just as important as the next person. Believe it. Own it. Know it. You DO have choices. What will be your catalyst for change?

Abuse

Last night I was privileged to sit in on the last session of an 8-week Wellness program. I wasn’t expecting the reaction I had. When the group was asked what progress they had made, one beautiful fighter said, “I’ve lost 190 pounds. This morning, after years and years of trying and struggling, I asked my husband to leave.”  Gahhhh.   It wasn’t her words that got me; it was the energy coming from her. It was the fact she was finding herself again and had the courage to start taking back her own Power. It awoke some pretty powerful personal memories for me.

Two other women shared their stories and I had similar responses to them as well.  Then I focused on the moderator. I know her personally and professionally and I know what she’s had to overcome. The fact that she was taking a piece of coal and turning it into a diamond by supporting, encouraging and empowering these women, moved me to tears again.

Super. I’m there to do a meditation and I’ve teared up four times already. In 15 minutes. How professional!   But, I do have a blog forming in my mind on crying so I’ll save my thoughts on that until later.

Whenever an emotion hits me so strongly, I’ve learned I need to examine what it’s triggering inside of me. This one was rather easy. I did survive an abusive marriage. I did find the courage to walk away. I did find the strength to examine my part in the abuse and the death of what I now call my ‘starter’ marriage.

Let me take you a little deeper into my old life. I won’t go too far as the pain is, even now over a decade later, still achy.

I married for life and I loved the beautiful man I’d married, when he was sober. When he was drunk, he became a man that scared me. I used to call it the ‘Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde’ syndrome. Again, this man was larger than life to me when he was sober but when he wasn’t? I was afraid of his temper and the man he would morph into.

Was he like this when we dated? Yes and no. We both drank a lot. I just thought he’d ‘outgrow’ the drinking part once we were married.  My thought about his drinking was this: going to the bar is a social thing you do when you’re single and looking. I thought once we were married there wouldn’t be so many nights spent at the bar and more nights spent at home.

Well, I was half right. I spent more (lonely) nights at home and he spent more nights at the bar.

Yes, we went to counseling and while that was a disaster for us as a couple, it did help me personally.

A one point, probably one of the lowest points, I remember sitting on our stairs thinking, “I’m either going to kill myself or I’ve got to leave this marriage.” I wasn’t sure which would be easier or which one I would choose. I didn’t believe in suicide but…. When you are being mentally/emotionally abused, your self-worth/self-esteems goes right into the crapper. You start to believe what you’re being told (‘you’re the reason I drink so much’ or ‘if you wouldn’t have said that, I wouldn’t have drank so much.’). The person you were slowly fades to a mere shadow of your former self.

I tried to find ways to cope. Those ways usually involved alcohol, trusted friends and avoidance. I blamed him for everything when in reality I held an equal share of the blame. I didn’t discover this aspect until years later when I had forgiven him and myself for so many horrible things.

Back then I wasn’t spiritual. Not at all. I didn’t even know I was intuitive or I had the support of God. I felt all alone, as most abused women do. My mom was gone and my family was not a huge source of support for me.

One night after a particularily horrible fight, I curled up in a tight, protective ball in the corner of our walk-in closet. All the doors were shut and if they could be, they were locked. I was so damn afraid. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. Counseling later taught me you NEVER engage a person who has been drinking. NEVER. But I didn’t know that then.

I called my sister who, being 18 years older than me, had literally helped raise me. My mom was sick most of my childhood and teenage years so my sister stepped in even though she was a state away and raising her own family. I trusted her. I needed her. I relied on her. She was, essentially, my second mom. Unfortunately, this conversation did not go well.  Or maybe it did, depending on how you look at it.  I had made the call when I couldn’t get a hold of myself. When I apologized for calling, she responded, “Well, Mom’s gone now and I guess this shit falls on my shoulders.”

Whaaaa? I’m bleeding out here and that’s what you say?! I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. Hard. But that little sentence was the catalyst that started the change within me. And change me it did, deeply and profoundly. Something (fear maybe?) started to die inside of me and something that felt cold (determination, maybe?) was replacing it.  I wasn’t angry with my sister and the cold feeling had nothing to do with her. Even back then I could recognize that this was all about me. It was as if, after all my life of depending on others to take care of me, I stopped being the child and became the adult in that instant.  Or if you’d like to look at it a different way, I stopped being the victim and started being the survivor.

I don’t believe in coincidences. My sister, saying what she did WHEN she did, was divinely inspired. I didn’t think so at the time, but looking back, that ‘tough love’ sentence was exactly what I needed. To this day, I believe that was the turning point for me to start taking back my power and getting control of my life.

And with that, my friends….you’ll need to wait until the next blog entitled, “Abuses.” Awww…I know, I know. But, as my friend Ganesh says, “I’m not worried about a happy or sad ending…it’s the story leading up to it.”  😉