Inner Focus Reiki

‘Integration’ – A Word from the Guys

With this latest (or any, for that matter) energy flare, matters that are no longer in harmony with your greatest good are falling away. These issues cannot survive in the new, higher, lighter energy that is being ushered in. So what does that mean? Well, first of all, good for you (yes, really)! You have chosen to move forward spiritually and to grow. Physically though, it could be marriages/relationships/friendships are ending. It might mean a verbal blow up over something that has been festering inside of you. It might be violent thunderstorms, political unrest and yes, it might even mean physical death.

I am not immune from any of this. Nope. I’m growing spiritually right along with the rest of you. In addition to what I may personally be going through, as an Empath and an Intuitive, I feel your pain as well. That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “I feel your pain” doesn’t it? Ha!

This morning, after hearing news that shocked and disturbed me, I asked the Guys if they had anything they wanted to say in order to help us. Instantly I heard the word “Integration.”

As defined by Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary:

1. The act or process or an instance of integrating
2. Incorporating as equals into society or an organization of individuals of different groups
3. Coordination of mental processes into a normal effective personality or with the individual’s environment
4. The operation of finding a function whose differential is known
5. The operation of solving a differential equation

OK, that doesn’t really do it for me so let’s look up INTEGRATE:

1. To form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole: UNITE
2. To find the integral of (as a function or equation)
3. To unite with something else
4. To incorporate into a larger unit
5. To end the segregation of and bring into common and equal membership in society or an organization
6. Desegregate: to become integrated

Ahhhh. I intuitively know the sentence in red was what we needed to know.

It feels like everything is disjointed right now. People are at their breaking points. Tempers are flaring, patience is snapping. We are definitely feeling un-unified even if it’s just within ourselves.

I often wonder if we could understand almost everyone is going through this right now, if that would help us feel united or at the very least, not alone. I wonder if that would make this emotional stuff a bit easier to deal with. Maybe, maybe not.

I think the direction we are moving is towards one of unity. Because that word has come up several times in my little head, let me look up the meaning. Ahhh. Here it is. There are more meanings but I think this is what the Guys are getting at:

1. The quality or state of not being multiple: ONENESS
2. A condition of harmony: ACCORD

It would make sense then, if we are to unite or bring about an internal oneness, we need to release lower, denser emotions, issues or even relationships that no longer resonate with us. These items simply cannot exist where we are spiritually going.

We do have a choice though, if you want to call it that. We can opt to stay just as we are and remain in the current denser energy, thereby becoming spiritually/emotionally stagnant. I know of people who have done this and they are in a lot of pain. They are negative, pessimistic, angry, resentful and generally unhappy.

The good news is, at any point, AT ANY POINT, they can choose to let go of the old and lighten themselves up for the new. It’ll be hard work, but as I’ve said before, this spiritual advancement/enlightenment stuff is not for sissies. And trust me, as one who has been there and done that, getting rid of the old, lower denser issues/feelings/emotions is a walk in the park compared to living in a self-imposed hell.

Colors

This is from my website (innerfocusreiki.com). I’ve been seeing the colors of yellow, orange, indigo and dark purple for clients lately. If I’m seeing these colors for several of my clients, they just might be relevant for you, too.

Be mindful of the colors you are gravitating towards or seeing a lot of. They may be colors you energetically need.

RED: is the color of energy, vitality and power. It is used to burn out cancer, dry up weeping sores or wounds, etc. It will warm cold areas to help reduce pain and will help with depression. Red is powerful in healing diseases of the blood and circulation. Red shouldn’t be used on people with high blood pressure or anxiety. Too much red can make you very agitated or aggressive. Red: represents stability, courage and grounding.

ORANGE: is also a color of energy. It is used to increase immunity/sexual potency, to help with all digestive ailments and with chest and kidney diseases. Orange will have a gentle warming effect. It’s not a good color for people who are easily agitated. Orange: harmony, emotional balancing and passion.

YELLOW: is the color of intellect. It is used for mental stimulation and will help you think quickly. It’s good for clearing a foggy head. It can be used to help cure dermatitis and other skin problems. Too much will be over stimulating and could cause exhaustion and depression. Yellow: strength, self-worth and laughter.

GREEN: is the color of harmony and balance. It is good for tired nerves and the heart area. It will help balance emotions and bring about a feeling of calmness. It is a good general healing color because it stimulates growth. It helps heal broken bones and regrowth of tissues of all kinds. It is a good color for pregnant women to help create an atmosphere of serenity and calm. Too much green may create more negative energy if this energy is already present. Green: healing, unconditional love and forgiveness.

BLUE: is the color of truth, serenity and harmony. It helps by soothing the mind. Blue is good for cooling, calming, reconstructing and protecting. Blue will help fever, burns, bleeding and nervous irritations. Too much blue could leave you cold and depressed. Blue: strength, tranquility and peace.

INDIGO: is the higher aspect of blue. It will have all the attributes of blue plus it is very good for clearing a congested head and allowing a clearer path for the conscious to the spiritual self. It is used for ears, nose, eyes and sinus diseases. It is also a good astringent and purifier. Too much indigo could cause a headache and drowsiness. Indigo: mental clarity, intuition and knowledge.

VIOLET: is also a color that will connect you with your spiritual self. It is good for mental and nervous problems. It will help with rheumatism, epilepsy and pain. It is used in deep tissue work and helps heal bones. Too much purple and you may need grounding. Violet: Wisdom, motivation and magic. It instills both grace and dignity.

PINK: is the color of Universal love (God’s love). It is emotional love for self and others and inner peace.

LAVENDER: is the color of equilibrium and it helps with spiritual healing. It is used as a tranquilizer and will aid sleep. It is a color of replenishing and rebuilding. Too much and you will be tired and disoriented.

WHITE: is the color of purity. It will purify the body on the highest levels. It will bring peace and comfort. It is the best pain reliever. White: purity, innocence and truth.

SILVER: is the color of peace and persistence. It is a major purging/detoxing color so it is very good for removing unwanted diseases and troubles from the body. It is best for cancer of tissue and blood.

GOLD: is the strongest color to help cure all illnesses. Due to its strength, many people are not able to tolerate it and may need to be conditioned to it over a period of time. Gold strengthens all fields of the body and spirit. Gold: illumination, success and prosperity.

BLACK: is a color that is not used very often. It will help bring about a state of grace and help find serenity and peace.

Hidden

“Why did this happen?” or “Why isn’t this happening?!” When I’m asked these type of questions, they are always referring to things of a physical nature. When these types of questions are posed, I often don’t hear an answer from the Guys. Now, if I was asked, “What am I supposed to learn from this, spiritually?” or “Have I learned what I needed to learn?” You will most often get an answer.

You see, us humans are used to looking at things in a physical way. We don’t often use our spiritual eyes to see why something may or may not have happened. The Guys aren’t typically concerned with the physical as their ‘job’ is to help you with your spiritual growth. Most of the time they are not interested in discussing why something did or didn’t happen on the physical plane because what happened on the spiritual realm trumps it.

I try not to use my intuitive gifts unless I’m asked to do so, but sometimes these gifts are so much a part of me that it happens without me even knowing it. Sometimes they are so intrinsically woven into the fabric of who I am, I can’t tell what my thoughts are from those that are divinely inspired.

A case in point is this: I was talking with my oldest niece (and closest twin-in-a-past-life bestie). She’s dealing with the death of a two year relationship. She’s trying to heal from the heartache, the loss of a dream and the betrayal she uncovered. While she is viewing things on the physical plane, I am able to give her a spiritual glimpse of why the physical outcome, although painful now, may have just safe guarded the life she desires.

She lives in a very small town and sees her ex beau and his (pregnant) fiancé often. I was thinking of how raw this would be for her until she heals. Then I had these thoughts:

1. What if she was saved from a life of hurt, resentment and disgust because she refused to (this time) compromise her values and desires?

2. What if, by holding tight to what she felt she needed in order for her to be truly happy, she ‘opted out’ of a relationship that would be filled with mistrust, unhappiness and control?

3. What if, by doing this, she is telling the Universe that she’s a force to be reckoned with and she will not lower her standards. She will wait for The One who will inspire, fully commit and love/respect her as she has come to love/respect herself?

Interesting, huh? So now let’s look at what might have been if she had compromised her values.

1. She may have married a man who would not have been faithful to her and could not give her what she needed.

2. She may have found she didn’t feel loved, heard, appreciated or respected.

3. She would have been largely responsible for taking care of his 4 rebellious children.

4. She would have, once again, repeated the sins of her past and would have set herself up to learn a much harder lesson next time.

And as far as the new fiancé goes, maybe one of her needs in this lifetime is to deal with such issues so she can overcome and be done with them. I truly don’t know as I’m not doing this intuitively. I’m just saying for every person there are lessons to be learned in order to spiritually grow, heal and move forward.

Now that’s the stuff my Guys choose to talk about to those who will listen (not everyone does) and that’s the kind of spin or enlightenment I can bring to the table with their help. Quite different from the physical view and it feels energetically lighter, wouldn’t you agree?

There are so many things that are hidden from our physical view and I’m thankful for that. We humans can’t possibly understand why things happen or don’t happen. But, true fact, when we open our spiritual eyes and close our physical ones, a shift in perception occurs.

Beauty

When I do my Work (Intuitive Reiki), I constantly see the internal and energetic beauty of my clients. I see how kind, caring, trustworthy, loyal, trusting and forgiving they are. I don’t see them as they physically view themselves which may involve seeing a body that’s too fat, a nose that’s too big or even thighs that are too ‘dimpled.’

I once had a client sincerely ask, “I have this scar. Do you think someone could love me in spite of that?” She was really concerned this scar would be viewed as a negative even though it was less than an inch long and on her arm.

When we view ourselves as less than (or uglier than), it literally creates a ripe breeding ground for self-abuse, self-worth and self-esteem issues to thrive. I would say 9 out of 10 of my female clients currently or have been abusive towards themselves. They may say things like, “I hate my body because I’m so fat” or “I’m embarrassed by my ugly knees” or even “My upper arms are flabby so I won’t wear short sleeves.”

This is what these beautiful women are ruminating upon. They aren’t seeing their beauty as they are focusing solely on the self-perceived negative. I’m telling you, I don’t see ANY of that. It pains my heart – sometimes to the point of physical tears and/or overwhelming anger – that these amazing, vibrantly beautiful energetic beings treat themselves so harshly and believe in their self-imposed psychological abuse.

And as if being unkind to ourselves wasn’t enough, we have strangers saying demeaning and derogatory comments about our physical uniqueness.

A client recently told me earlier in her life she had been involved in a work related accident. This accident left her needing over 50 surgeries to repair the damage to her lower legs. She’s lucky to have the use of her legs. She showed me the scars. These scars covered about half of her shins and looked as if her legs had been severely burned.

She then told me she had once been wearing shorts at a public outdoor event and some unknown ‘gentleman’ (I use that term loosely!) asked her how she could go out in public looking like that. He said he was repulsed; her legs were disgusting and gross and she should cover them up in public. If she didn’t, he was going to be sick. Yep. True story. Does it leave you feeling as horrified as it did me?

While she was telling me her story, I had placed my hands over my eyes and was shaking my head. I didn’t want to ‘see’ what was coming next. My heart ached for this woman who is aspiring to be a nurse because she has a passion to help those who are ill or in pain. This beautiful woman, who is filled with gentle, nurturing and stalwart energy and has already overcome so much, was distraught over what a callus stranger had said. She chose not to wear shorts in public again. Ever.

She may have been feeling very self-conscious prior to the unwarranted and unwanted verbal attack. She may even have even thought some of those very same things. This may be why his criticism had such a profound effect on her.

My husband had a similar situation, but he handled it differently. He was walking on a treadmill at a local gym and some unknown woman said, “Your legs are too big. They are just gross!” My husband, who is a body builder, was actually flattered by this as he WANTS big legs. Instead of commenting unkindly about her own figure, he said, “I don’t recall asking for your opinion.” Well boooyah!

While this incident didn’t bother him in the self-conscious way, it could have and all because of some insensitive stranger who chose to vocalize their own version of what they deem as beautiful.

I am appalled, APPALLED that there are people – fellow brothers and sisters in the human race – who feel it is acceptable to belittle and verbally abuse a person about a physical issue they don’t find aesthetically pleasing. Even worse, as was the case with my client, if the abusee believes the strangers comment holds value, they will alter their life and essentially commit themselves to a self-imposed jail sentence.

Why do we tend to focus on what we (or others) deem as ugly or disgusting? When we do this, we become a prisoner in our own mind and body. What if we stopped staring at people who were physically different than us. What if we stopped for a moment and took a spiritual look at them. If we did, we might understand this person(s) asked to be physically unique in order to overcome obstacles they and others put such a high value upon, one of them being beauty. What if you knew they chose to physically stand out so they could empower themselves and others to see beauty. Would that change your perception?

Maybe the next time you see someone who doesn’t quite meet your definition of physical beauty, you will opt to see them with clearer (spiritual) eyes. Perhaps you will realize it’s not about their physical beauty, it’s all about the beauty that lies within.

Hello

My husband and I like to play a little game when we go for walks. Sometimes we say “hello” first and see if the person(s) will respond. Sometimes they do, sometimes they ignore us and sometimes they look shocked that we acknowledged them (I get particular satisfaction out of that one). Sometimes we make eye contact and see how many people will say “hello” to us first. Not many do. Sometimes we TRY to make eye contact but the walkers/joggers/runners ignore us totally. I find this behavior so rude. Does it take so much effort to acknowledge a fellow human being with a simple “hello” or “hi”?

I remember a gal in my high school class. She had a megawatt smile and a hello for everyone regardless of their social high school status (you know: jocks, nerds, druggies, basers, etc.). One day, I was doing my usual routine which involved keeping to myself and walking close to the hallway wall, when this blonde all-American girl smiled brightly and said, “Hi!” I remember looking behind me to see if she was speaking to someone else. I was alone in the hallway and when I turned around her blue eyes met mine and I knew she was acknowledging me. I actually thought, “What is a cheerleader doing acknowledging me?! That’s so weird.” But her simple act, her common courtesy is one that left me feeling uplifted. I liked how it felt being seen by someone I didn’t think saw me.

I’m also reminded of the statement, “Don’t talk to strangers.” Well, if we hold with that teaching, how does a stranger become an acquaintance and then possibly a friend? And why is it so naughty to make eye contact with someone you don’t know, smile and acknowledge that you see them? Why are we teaching our children it’s acceptable to ignore others?

In a world where we are telling our boy/girlfriends we are breaking up with them via a text (oh puhhhLEASE!!!), is it really such a burden to greet the people whom you share this earth with?

I watch our 19 month old daughter. She doesn’t censor whom she says “hi” or even “bye” to. She hasn’t learned to censor. In fact, she says “bye bye” to passing cars, the laundry machine and to barking dogs. She’ll disarm my frustration by looking at me, smiling and whispering, “hi” over and over again. As a side note, you can’t be frustrated with a toddler when she’s smiling and repeatedly whispering, “hi.” It completely derails you, in the most beautiful of ways.

Back to task. I’d like to see if you’ll try an experiment. If smiling, making eye contact and saying “hi” or “hello” to strangers feels foreign to you, turn it into one (or more) of your random act of kindnesses for the day. As always, the more you do something, the easier it becomes.

My husband and I have found the people we previously greeted first on our walks now smile and greet US first. I love it.

One should never underestimate the impact of a smile and a simple hello. It made a difference for me those 30 plus years ago.

Fabric Softeners

I’m going off on a rant again and this time it’s about fabric softeners; most specifically the overpowering and overwhelming smell of some of them. Sheesh! I HATE the smell!! I am repulsed by these and other strong scents (perfumes, hairsprays, air fresheners, candles, etc.). Turns out, it might be my bodies way of warning me of the physical dangers these products contain.

I grew up with (unscented) fabric softeners and until I did research for this blog, I was still using them (although I’d switched to an eco-friendly, organic brand). I’d never once questioned why I should or shouldn’t use a softener or even WHY I was using them. If you wanted your laundry soft, you used a fabric softener. Right?

According to Natural News.com, fabric softeners are made up of a laundry list (pun intended!!!) of horrible toxins. Those toxins have been proven to cause cancer, Parkinson’s, yeast infections, fertility problems, asthma, headaches, and skin conditions (think rash or itching, etc.). These chemicals include (but are not limited to): Formaldehyde, Chloroform, A-Terpineo and Camphor.

Fetuses, babies and young children are incredibly sensitive to these highly toxic ingredients. These ingredients can cause brain damage, SIDs, ADD and depression.

Fabric softeners are designed to soften synthetic fabrics and to reduce static cling. Synthetic fabrics hold on to their odors so a softener was designed to cover up said odors. When synthetic fabrics are heated (think your workout tops), they become even more smelly. But oddly, the laundry directions for most moisture wicking synthetic workout clothes specifically state to omit fabric softeners.

Fabric softeners are designed to last and to release slowly over a period of time. These toxic chemicals are coating your (and your children’s!) towels, sheets and clothing. We physically absorb these toxins through our skin and we also inhale them. Even if you don’t use a fabric softener, you can still be exposed to these chemicals by working with someone who does. That’s lovely, huh?

Something I didn’t know is cotton (think towels and sheets) is designed to naturally soften the more washings/dryings it receives. Well, leDUH (head slap)! Yes! That makes perfect sense. Think of the sheets you’ve had for years; soft as a baby’s bum, aren’t they? Or your favorite old blue jeans? Yep. Good old cotton. It’s designed to be soft and yet we add fabric softener (made for synthetics!) to our rinse water. Egads! What a genius marketing ploy!!

There are safer, non-fabric softener options which include:

· Dry natural fabrics separately from synthetics. Natural fibers don’t develop static. (Huh. I didn’t know this). Also, don’t allow clothes to dry completely in the dryer. Remove them while they are still slightly damp and hang them up to finish drying. The longer they remain in the dryer, the more static.

· Green America suggests pre-soaking clothes in 1/2 cup of baking soda for 10 minutes if you have hard water. Baking soda acts as a natural fabric softener. (What?! Really??!)

· Use natural laundry soaps with soy-based fabric softeners. (Soy fabric softeners?! Now I’ve heard everything!)

· Chose products that are scent free (PLEASE! Ugh! The smell…THE SMELL!!) and don’t contain dyes.

· You can make your own dryer sheets by soaking a small cloth in 1 tsp. of hair conditioner and letting it dry. Then, toss it in the dryer to remove static.

· You can also add 1/2 cup of the old workhorse white vinegar to the rinse cycle.

· Lastly, use chemical-free dryer balls to fluff fibers and remove static cling.

You want ways to be proactive with your health? Eliminating unnecessary toxins in the form of fabric softeners is a good way to start.

Teacher

Years ago, I was walking on a treadmill next to an unknown woman with beautiful long silver hair. The energy emanating from her was of peace, serenity and composure. I kept sneaking glances at her and trying to figure out what it was about her. Finally, I gave in to my inner voice and told her how beautiful her energy was. She turned, looked at me and said, “Thank you. And you are a beautiful teacher.” I stammered, “Oh no. I’m not a teacher. I’m an ex-banker.” She smiled tenderly and said, “No. You are a teacher.”

I’ve thought about her and her statement quite often. It occurred to me that yes, I AM a teacher. I’ve been teaching for most of my life. Early in my banking career I trained the new hires, then created manuals and then taught people the correct way to adhere to those manuals.

When I found Reiki, it never once occurred to me I wouldn’t teach this beautiful healing craft. In fact, I knew within minutes of experiencing Reiki that I would someday teach this to others. My banking career allowed me to know what I wanted (and didn’t want) in a curriculum and in my teaching style.

Now, it seems, I’ve accepted the responsibility of a different type of teaching. This ‘job’ will be full-time for at least 18 years. It’s funny that I never really thought of being a mom as being a teacher. I didn’t view my parents that way and I’m not sure they viewed parenthood as being teachers either. Maybe this is a knowing you get when you are an older (much older) parent. I’m positive I wouldn’t have viewed my role as a teacher if I would have had a baby in my 20’s or even my 30’s.

As parents, we unknowingly teach our children our bad habits as well as our good ones. We do this by just living our life. If we have been doing something the same way for most of our life, it comes naturally to us. It IS us. We may, while in the presence of our children, swear a blue streak at a slow driver (or the Minnesota Vikings) or pitch a huge fit complete with foot stomping and slamming of doors. We may also use derogatory slurs we learned while growing up.

We will be teaching our little ones so many things including how to deal with anger, jealousy and resentment. We will be teaching our babies how to deal with losing, aggression and general meanness. We will be teaching this sometimes without saying a word. They will closely watch how we react and then that’s how and what they will learn. If we are prone to drama, I bet they’ll be prone to drama. If we feel it’s acceptable to make fun of others, then they will feel it’s acceptable to do the same.

Are you getting where I’m going with this? We, as the adults, have choices and most of us have fully functioning minds that understand what WE do, they do. We, again as adults, do not have to be like our parents even if they were the only role models we had. We do not have to pass on the silent treatments, the swearing, the spanking, the yelling and the ‘change your attitudes’ to our children.

Trying to be my mom didn’t work for my starter marriage (see Abuse blog). But it was the eye opening experience it took for me to understand I didn’t have to be her. I have been weaning out the old and embracing the new ever since.

As far as my daughter goes, I knew I would not spank her. To me, spanking didn’t teach me a lesson. Hurt or pain didn’t help me understand why my behavior wasn’t acceptable. What it did was cause me to fear my dad (he was usually the punisher dole’r out’r) and to keep my emotional distance from him. That fear affected me well into my late 30’s.

If we yell and swear at our children, we are teaching them to yell and swear. In reality, yelling and swearing are both ways to try to get the other person’s attention. So why not choose a less abusive and more respectful form of communicating? Perhaps one that may yield positive and nourishing results instead of fear, dissension and anger.

I wish my parents would have utilized a different form of punishment, but the forms they used were what they knew. It was how they were raised. But I’m telling you, I want something different from myself and for my daughter.

I don’t EVER want to see fear in her eyes when she makes a mistake or has an accident or even intentionally misbehaves. I want her to know her dad and I aren’t the only role models in her life. I want her to know how to resolve her upsets without being verbally, physically or emotionally abusive. This, in part, is the legacy I want to leave behind. Then, God willing, I can watch how my daughter adapts and changes that legacy for her own brood.

I vow to sincerely try to break the cycle of abuse. I do not want to teach abuse and I do not want to be abusive. Will I succeed? I don’t know but I’m really, really trying. As the Virginia Slim cigarette slogan goes, “You’ve come a long way baby.”

Communication

Effective communication was not my strong suit. My way of dealing with uncomfortable or scary things was to stick my head in the proverbial sand and ignore them. I prayed they’d go away or miraculously resolve themselves. It never happened. Not once. In fact, if I didn’t deal with the issue, it blossomed into something even bigger. Stephen King should write a novel about that!

The saying goes that you deal with some of your biggest fears while you are within the safety of a committed relationship. Boy howdy, blog readers. Boy howdy!

When we were in the early days of dating, my husband would spout things like, “I don’t want to get married again” or “I think we should just live together.” These statements, seemingly said to gauge my response, were deal breakers for me. There was no sticking my head in the sand on this one. I said, “I want marriage. I want the safety, the security and the commitment that comes with marriage. Tell me now if marriage is off the table and we’ll end it right here.”

He stammered and got all bashful and said, “Well, I guess I can think about it.” I said, “There is no thinking about it. It’s yes or no. Are you open for marriage?” We locked eyes and he said, “Yes, with the right person.” All righty, then. Moving on.

I wasn’t so confident when it came to the ‘having children’ talk (see ‘Vasectomy’ and ‘Miracle’ blog). That topic had a lot of fear around it. I knew we were supposed to have children together but he was adamant he was done. I was beside myself with fear. I wasn’t sleeping; I was barely eating and I knew I had to talk with him about this. If he wasn’t at least the littlest bit open to having children, I’d be forced to end our relationship. As distasteful as that thought was, I wasn’t willing to compromise my lifelong dream of having children. I would accept he wasn’t The One and move on.

I have my bestie Susie to thank for helping me through that very difficult time. She spoke in a language I’d not heard before. She took out the anger, the manipulation, the blaming, the threatening and the yelling. She taught me I could effectively communicate without those lower, denser emotions and energies. She spoke with love and respect and clarity. She told me to speak honestly and from the heart. You mean I have to open my heart to rejection AND deal with my fear? At the same time?! Uh, yes (gulp). Damn it!

Susie encouraged me to say things like, “I’m very afraid. I need you to help me understand why you are feeling the way you are. I don’t understand and I want to work through this. Will you help me?” I’m paraphrasing but you get the idea. I wasn’t attacking or hurtful or even manipulative. In return, he wasn’t defensive, angry or shut down. But let me be clear, while I was trying to find the words to say to him, my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and my mouth was dry. I kept praying my Guys (Guardian Angels) would help me, guide me and keep me calm. I kept praying they would help me with the exact wording because even though I’d rehearsed it, I was scared out of my wits.

Trinity had the vasectomy. So, evidently using my voice in a new way had more to do with me than with him. But, as you all know, there’s more to that story and it had a happy ending. 😉

As I’m typing this, I’m having an epiphany. It seems fear has a LOT to do with how we communicate (or don’t communicate). For instance, I have a friend who recently became engaged. Her sweet, gentle, loving fiancé picked out the ring without her knowledge but with some guidance from her. When he proposed, he went into a long explanation as to how he went about deciding that ring was ‘it.’ She, however, had envisioned a different ring. She didn’t want a bigger diamond; in fact, she didn’t care if she had a diamond at all. She didn’t want something fancier or shinier.

Does she (lovingly) tell her fiancé what she’d really like or keep the ring because of the beautiful and thoughtful manner in which it was conceived? My personal feeling is that she’s going to wear the ring for the next 50 years (or longer!). She should wear something that she finds true beauty in and is reflective of her. Again, that’s my own feelings and that was the reason I picked out my OWN engagement ring.

But what if, say, 50 years down the road she finally tells her husband that while she loved how much thought he put into the engagement ring, it never really resonated with her. I wonder if he would say, “Why didn’t you tell me! You were quiet all these years and now I feel badly about that. What else haven’t you told me?”

What if this is a spiritual growth opportunity for her? Or maybe for HIM?! What if she chooses to put her head in the sand when he’s really wishing (on some level) that she’d say something? I, I, I! So many, “what if’s” it’ll make your head spin but such is the way of this enigmatic spiritual stuff.

If you are one of the ‘sand people’ and want to change your communication style, there’s no better time than the present. Trust me, it’s not going to get easier the more you procrastinate. Take the lower, denser emotions out of your speech and talk with openness and honesty. It just may be you’ll find yourself in a stronger relationship because of it. I know we did.

Camping

I am a city girl. Yes, in the name of love, I’ve herded cattle (think: dusty/dirty), participated in a Rocky Mountain oyster harvest (think: disgusting and smelly) and even shaved a few sheep (think: hot and itchy) but at the end of the day, I was always able to climb into a warm shower and a clean bed. The only wildlife I had to worry about was house pets. Camping? In the wilderness?! Are you kidding me?!

As it turns out, not kidding me. Before I met my husband, I did not ‘do’ camping unless you considered staying at the Holiday Inn camping.

Alas, I fell in love with a man who loved the outdoors. He liked to canoe, hike, camp, fish and take care of bodily functions in the woods. I liked clean fingernails, un-inflatable beds and the comforts of home which included a non-portable, private potty with soap and running water.

Enter, stage left: My outdoors-y husband. We were well into our dating relationship. He’d seen me without makeup and in my most unflattering pair of sweat pants. He thought I was cute. He thought we should try camping. I asked what his version of camping was. He said tent. I said, “tent?!” Tent. “Outhouse and tent?” Outhouse and tent. Oh super hey.

I knew what he was doing. Either he was that transparent or I am just that good. He was putting me through the last paces in order to determine if he should invest more time into me. Once again, in the name of love, City Girl went camping.

He took me to Maplewood State Park. He set up the campsite while I parked my carcass on a folding chair and enjoyed a cold toddy. There was just something about the energy of the campground that was so serene and calming. I noticed a difference in Trinity’s mood right away. He was less stressed, he joked more often and was more playful.

I found myself relaxing and believing I could do this. I mean, there was a nice (comparatively speaking) port-a-potty right by our campsite, the scenery was beyond beautiful and there were tons of trails to explore.

Then there was the grilling of the food, the crackling of the campfire and the allure of star gazing. Man, I was hooked (Alert: Fishing pun in case you missed it!). One night was all it took to convert a ‘must shower every day’ gal to one that didn’t care if her teeth were brushed.

A few months later, while we were camping, Trinity admitted taking me camping WAS a test (Aha! I knew it! Men!). Then, after months of being met with silence when I told him I loved him, he quietly said, “I love you, too.”

It’s camping season again and we are armed with a new, larger tent. Trinity tells me I won’t know how to act as you can stand up in this one. He does spoil me so. We’ll have baby doll with us and I’m looking forward to watching her giggle-squeal in delight at the raccoons, squirrels and fishies.

I’m also looking forward to not showering, sleeping on an inflatable bed and getting dirt under my fingernails. My, oh my, how tent camping does de-princess-ize me.

North Star (part 2)

My most recent blog, North Star (Part 1) may have left you feeling like Debbie Downer. I promised you we’d create your “I’m SO on my right path” scenario in the next blog.

Same song, different verse. Ready?

1. Nuclear Energy – List three things that can always get you moving (i.e. golf game, supper with the girls, a Reiki session with Melissa). Circle the response that makes you feel the most enthusiastic.

2. To Your Health – Try to remember a time in your life when your health seemed better than usual. What was going on in your life at the time? Circle the situation that has the most positive associations for you.

3. Memories, Light the corners of my mind…… Where’s your super memory? If you can’t remember, ask friends or loved ones what they’ve noticed about your ability to pick up certain categories of information (i.e. math, acting, learning, singing, nutrition, helping others – stuff that ‘seems’ to come naturally or easily for you). Circle the type of information that interests you the most.

4. Time Warp – List three types of activities that make you forget what time it is (i.e. you’re enjoying them so much, you literally forget what time it is – – – crafting, reading, shopping, etc.). Circle the activity you find most absorbing.

5. Emotional Intelligence – Name three people who make you feel socially adept and confident. These are people who seem to understand you and enjoy spending time with you. Circle the name of the person who makes you feel the most comfortable and relaxed.

6. Magnetic Attraction – List three times when you’ve felt strangely drawn to a person, place or thing. You may have temporarily become unable to concentrate on anything/anyone else. Circle the one thing that brings up the most positive feelings.

7. A Natural High – List three times you experienced a wonderful mood, particularly if your good mood came at a strange time or from an action other people may have criticized. Circle the situation that makes you feel the happiest.

Now to the good stuff!! Let’s create your POSITIVE or Best-Case Scenario. Review your answers above and in the words of Jackie Gleason, “and away we go!”

It’s an incredibly beautiful day. The air is clear, the scenery is dazzling and you’re setting out to do (#1 – High energy activity) ___________________ with (#5 – your favorite person) ______________________________________. You’ve no other responsibilities, no immediate deadlines and no major problems weighing you down. You feel great, even better than you did back when you were (#2 – your best health situation) _______________________________. In fact, you’re in the best physical shape of your life: strong, lean, robust and full of energy.

You’re having a great conversation about (3 – the information you remember most easily) _______________________ when a message arrives for you. It’s a letter from the President saying you’ve been chosen to receive a lifetime of financial support for doing (#4 – the activity that makes you forget time) ________________________. This will require you to spend a lot of time with (#6 – the person or situation that creates the ‘urge to merge.’) ______________________. You feel just the way you did when (#7 – your best mood setting) __________________________ happened only more so.

Sit with this. Take in the feelings associated with this scenario and enjoy knowing this is how you’re going to spend the rest of your life. Uh uh uh! Don’t rush though this… keep enjoying it.

OK, now you can give me a chaaaCHING!!! Who’s with me??! ‘Hum on! ChaaaCHING!

Now, notice how you FEEL (yes, there’s that word again!). THIS is what it’s like when you’re ‘in the flow’ or ‘following your bliss’ or as the book’s title would indicate ‘following your North Star (soul)’. In truth, the instant I made my leap without a net (quitting a job without another in place), I was hit by this type of euphoria.

As my future became my past, it was evident why it felt so liberating to do what I did even though it scared the BLEEP out of me. Finding my own internal North Star has made a hugely positive difference in my life. What will it do for yours?