When I do my Work (Intuitive Reiki), I constantly see the internal and energetic beauty of my clients. I see how kind, caring, trustworthy, loyal, trusting and forgiving they are. I don’t see them as they physically view themselves which may involve seeing a body that’s too fat, a nose that’s too big or even thighs that are too ‘dimpled.’
I once had a client sincerely ask, “I have this scar. Do you think someone could love me in spite of that?” She was really concerned this scar would be viewed as a negative even though it was less than an inch long and on her arm.
When we view ourselves as less than (or uglier than), it literally creates a ripe breeding ground for self-abuse, self-worth and self-esteem issues to thrive. I would say 9 out of 10 of my female clients currently or have been abusive towards themselves. They may say things like, “I hate my body because I’m so fat” or “I’m embarrassed by my ugly knees” or even “My upper arms are flabby so I won’t wear short sleeves.”
This is what these beautiful women are ruminating upon. They aren’t seeing their beauty as they are focusing solely on the self-perceived negative. I’m telling you, I don’t see ANY of that. It pains my heart – sometimes to the point of physical tears and/or overwhelming anger – that these amazing, vibrantly beautiful energetic beings treat themselves so harshly and believe in their self-imposed psychological abuse.
And as if being unkind to ourselves wasn’t enough, we have strangers saying demeaning and derogatory comments about our physical uniqueness.
A client recently told me earlier in her life she had been involved in a work related accident. This accident left her needing over 50 surgeries to repair the damage to her lower legs. She’s lucky to have the use of her legs. She showed me the scars. These scars covered about half of her shins and looked as if her legs had been severely burned.
She then told me she had once been wearing shorts at a public outdoor event and some unknown ‘gentleman’ (I use that term loosely!) asked her how she could go out in public looking like that. He said he was repulsed; her legs were disgusting and gross and she should cover them up in public. If she didn’t, he was going to be sick. Yep. True story. Does it leave you feeling as horrified as it did me?
While she was telling me her story, I had placed my hands over my eyes and was shaking my head. I didn’t want to ‘see’ what was coming next. My heart ached for this woman who is aspiring to be a nurse because she has a passion to help those who are ill or in pain. This beautiful woman, who is filled with gentle, nurturing and stalwart energy and has already overcome so much, was distraught over what a callus stranger had said. She chose not to wear shorts in public again. Ever.
She may have been feeling very self-conscious prior to the unwarranted and unwanted verbal attack. She may even have even thought some of those very same things. This may be why his criticism had such a profound effect on her.
My husband had a similar situation, but he handled it differently. He was walking on a treadmill at a local gym and some unknown woman said, “Your legs are too big. They are just gross!” My husband, who is a body builder, was actually flattered by this as he WANTS big legs. Instead of commenting unkindly about her own figure, he said, “I don’t recall asking for your opinion.” Well boooyah!
While this incident didn’t bother him in the self-conscious way, it could have and all because of some insensitive stranger who chose to vocalize their own version of what they deem as beautiful.
I am appalled, APPALLED that there are people – fellow brothers and sisters in the human race – who feel it is acceptable to belittle and verbally abuse a person about a physical issue they don’t find aesthetically pleasing. Even worse, as was the case with my client, if the abusee believes the strangers comment holds value, they will alter their life and essentially commit themselves to a self-imposed jail sentence.
Why do we tend to focus on what we (or others) deem as ugly or disgusting? When we do this, we become a prisoner in our own mind and body. What if we stopped staring at people who were physically different than us. What if we stopped for a moment and took a spiritual look at them. If we did, we might understand this person(s) asked to be physically unique in order to overcome obstacles they and others put such a high value upon, one of them being beauty. What if you knew they chose to physically stand out so they could empower themselves and others to see beauty. Would that change your perception?
Maybe the next time you see someone who doesn’t quite meet your definition of physical beauty, you will opt to see them with clearer (spiritual) eyes. Perhaps you will realize it’s not about their physical beauty, it’s all about the beauty that lies within.