Wounds

For so many of us lately, myself included, it feels as if old emotional wounds are being ripped opened and re-exposed. These are wounds we thought we had dealt with and healed. We are, quite frankly, pissed off as all hell about this.

I recently intuited some information about a client’s long dead father and her very much alive best friend. I said, “It looks like old wounds are coming up for you that need to be healed. It’s all coming around for you again. Your bestie is treating you the way your father did.” My client blinked her beautifully wise blue eyes and she said she thought she had dealt with this painful emotional issue.

She then said something so profound that I felt as if I was the student instead of the teacher. Truth be told, this often happens when I work on her. She drew in a breath and said what she had previously dealt with was the back end of her father’s abuse; she hadn’t dealt with it while it was going on. Now, she said, she’s been given the opportunity to deal with the front end of this abuse thanks to her life-long best friend.

Well, what the hell (head scratch). She’s completely right, you know.

I thought I was through with the emotional/psychological abuse I suffered at the mouth of my starter husband. I thought I had worked through the pain of the passive-aggressive and emotional abuse from my family. I thought I had healed the reoccurring betrayal and abandonment issues that seem to weave themselves throughout my life. I thought. I thought. I thought. Turns out, I thought (mostly) wrong.

Based on previous blogs, it’s no secret I firmly believe people enter our lives to help teach us lessons. Some of those lessons can drop us to our knees while others barely cause us to break a sweat. Some of the most powerful lessons we learn are from our parents, our siblings, our children, our spouses and our besties. Those that are closest to us know us the best and they also know our triggers and how to push them. It only makes sense that our families would try to teach us some of the most transformational lessons.

It’s also no secret that I long ago let go of hating someone for the pain they’ve caused me. I just look at things differently now. Hating someone who ultimately tried to help me heal/grow and may have done so at my implicit request, serves no purpose. It’s like hating your stomach for making you fat.

Most of the time I understand the people who cause us pain are here to help us heal and grow but in the effort of full disclosure, I DO hate someone. I hate this person mainly because of how internally ugly they are and the pain this person has consciously and calculatedly inflicted on someone I love. I can’t shake the disgust and repulsion I feel for this small-minded individual.

Sometimes, when I’m in a more spiritual place, I feel sorry for this person and their tiny self-constructed and limited world. At times I remember that this individual is in a ton of pain and has chosen not to heal. They have chosen to lash out because they want attention, good or bad. They are seeking to hurt a certain person because they feel this person is responsible for their pain and thereby owed it. They misguidedly seek to lessen their own internal pain. This lucid and spiritual way of seeing things calms me and helps me see clearly, but with this particular person, that doesn’t last long.

The reality is this person is trying to teach this someone something but they are triggering the momma badger in me and I want to rip them apart in the form of politically correct, but well directed, words. The reason I don’t is it’s not my fight; it’s not my battle. They are not here to teach me something, at least not directly. I’m just a bi-product; a civilian casualty. While I retain the ability to hate, I will not be mean. I will not yell, belittle, debase or verbally/emotionally abuse anyone. Not anymore. I do not and will not do this no matter how much a person gets my goat.

I was raised by a family who were masters at trying to control others by using these tactics. I know all about the intimidating, threatening, screaming-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-until-veins-pop-out-of-your-neck yelling. I am NOT that person anymore. Yelling has no place in my life. Yelling is just an attempt to be threatening and to try to intimidate another. Once you’re on to this, yelling is almost a laughable offense. Truth be told, you can stop a red-faced, eyes-bulging yeller with just a whisper and a steady gaze. This is a trick I learned from my girl Charmaine and then refined with the help of Jemma from Sons of Anarchy.

Back to my point; people are here to help teach us lessons. If we can believe and trust in that, then everything, every shitty little thing that happens in our life is aimed at helping us heal and grow. Why would we hate someone, yell at them or speak horribly about them, if their sole (soul) purpose was to help us heal? It sounds silly, right?  And if we are all connected (we are), then hating them is to hate a part of you.

Susie uses the concept of mirroring. What you dislike/like in them is what you dislike/like in you. Let’s go back to this bitter and abusive person for a moment. What are they triggering in me that I need to heal? I, obviously, am having a very strong reaction to their tactics so I may need to examine what I thought I had healed.

If I choose to do this, I may be able to deal with – and heal – these strong emotions at the beginning of their cycle, thereby healing the entire wound.  Maybe I can take a page out of Susie’s book. When life has handed her a giant load of crapsicles it would be easy for her to choose hate and yet she remains neutral and softly says, “I choose love.”

Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy 1The first time I remember hearing about a colonoscopy was when Katie Couric’s husband died from colon cancer.  Katie was so passionate about getting everyone tested she, herself, televised a portion of her procedure (or something like that. That was several thousand lost brain cells ago).

When you’re young (or even young’ish) you think 50 is a lifetime away. The reality is it creeps up on you while you’re busy buying dental floss and flipping pancakes.  Before you know it, you’re buying Miralax and a beverage that you used to enjoy, but will now never be able to tolerate again.

Yes. Yes.  It is my turn for the preventive colonoscopy and I’d like to share with you some of my thoughts on the prep work.  First of all, you get the same set of instructions regardless if you are a 5’ 6” 138 pound female or a 6’ 6” 350 pound man. It doesn’t matter if you are Vegan, Vegetarian or a dyed-in-the-wool Carnivore; you get the same prep work instructions.

I decided to go rogue and buy coconut water instead of Gatorade. I, being a sometime sugar snob, didn’t want all the sugar that Gatorade contained contaminating my detoxing colon.  Needless to say, I never think like this when there’s expensive chocolate or a fabulous Cabernet within my grasp. Oh noooooo! Then I wholly justify it.

I did check with the GI nurse to ensure this substitution was ok. Oh, dear Lord, how I wish she would have said no. I have effectively killed my love for coconut water in one fell swoop. What the hell was I thinking?! And to make matters worse, I use coconut oil for almost everything and I almost puked when I slathered it on my hands last night. The smell! The memories! Gahhhhhhh!

So for you readers who like my writing a little uncensored, this blog is for you.  Here are a few things I’d like to pass along about colonoscopy prep.

When you know you can’t have something, like ohhhh food or water (you know, the essentials of life), you’ll crave it like CRAZY! It will consume your thoughts and you will become a food/water junky whore. Think I’m kidding?! I found myself smelling my husband and daughter’s breath after they returned home from eating out. I was like a determined dog sniffing out a drug. In fact, on the pretense of kissing my husband, I shoved my flared nostrils right to his mouth.  The black heart ate at Mexican Village!! (Whimper) That’s one of my favorite places.

And my daughter? I was all wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing with her. I purred, “Come and sit by me, honey. No, closer. CLOSERRRRRRRR. Ooohh yes, that’s it my darling” as my eagle-like eyes scanned her face for any bit of food.

However, just a few hours later, my tune changed. I was very THANKFUL I did not eat or drink anything as I was doubled over from gut-ripping shit cramps. Dude, I’ve birthed a kid and this does not compare. I was thinking to myself I must have somehow become a host for an alien who is all teeth and claws. This alien is in a bitch of a mood and wants to claw its way OUT of my intestines NOW!

And then this happened. I inevitably choose a bathroom, in a most DIRE moment, where my husband or daughter used all the toilet paper leaving me with nothing. Not even the cardboard roll. If that doesn’t make your eyes widen in fear, I don’t know what will. Of COURSE both of them were sleeping by this time so I was on my own.

Before I could fully address this issue, I was, once again, projectiley exploding more pee-pooh from a place that wasn’t really designed to do that.  When that passed I, slumped shouldered and possibly sweaty brow, thanked God for the reprieve knowing it would be short.

I will not describe what I had to do in order to get more toilet paper, but suffice it to say, it involved swear words.

While I was waiting for the next pee-pooh wave, I tried to pacify myself by thinking, “I’m so glad I’m a vegetarian. Those carnivores must have it MUCH tougher.” This became my mantra and I clung to it.  I found myself breaking into a snarling smile just hoping someone had it worse than me. I delighted in this thought.

Then, somehow, as the alien was becoming quieter and I could go for more than 2 minutes without using the toidy, I came to understand that having something enter an “exit only” hole no longer seemed traumatic.  In fact, it felt like a walk in the park compared to the prep work.  I found internal peace at that moment.

This is where my story must end as I am almost ready to make the trip to the hospital. I am looking forward to the blissful unknown that comes with anesthesia and a return to normal bodily functions.

Liminal

The tears started almost as soon as I turned my head away from her. She was a West Fargo bus driver that was going above and beyond. She had stopped her bus in the middle of an unplowed street. I thought this was odd, but given the recent snow and slick roads, I thought she must have stopped where she did as she had slid through the stop sign. I was wrong.

She unfolded the buses “STOP” sign and opened the doors. I assumed there was an older child getting off of the bus. I turned my head back to concentrate on the slippery walking path and kept moving. I then heard her say, in a confident, happy, sing-song voice, “There you go!”

As I swiveled my head, I saw her bent over the littlest of little ones. He was so tiny his hat and jacket seemed to engulf him. She was standing closely behind him. Her hands were gently upon his back, encouraging him, guiding him, supporting him. She was helping him cross the rough, unplowed street. The energy of this simple, courteous, kind act along with the beauty surrounding the protective safeguarding of this tiny little sprout was wondrous.

The physical scene playing out before my eyes caused me to smile. I turned my head forward once again and continued on my walk. I was thinking how amazing it was that I was able to witness this kindness, this glimpse of humanity. But before I had fully taken two steps, I was overcome with emotional pain and my smile faded. I began sobbing in an unstoppable, cathartic kind of way.

 LIMINAL:

  1. of or relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.
  2. occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

I had never heard this word prior to Monday. Susie said it about me during our recent Reiki session.  To put it in laymen’s terms, think of “liminal” as the point where you have exhaled but have not yet begun to inhale or when something ends and something else has yet to begin. Liminal.

She intuited that I had sustained a “big hit.” That “hit” was received directly in my emotional heart and it brought me to my knees. I felt raw, exposed, and vulnerable. I was in shock. I had to draw on every bit of emotional healing and spiritual growth I had done over the years just to avoid becoming irrevocably broken.

I cancelled my yoga session for today. I didn’t really know why; I didn’t have a good explanation for Andrea other than I needed to cancel. This started a series of events.  My beloved husband asked me if I was going to be out and about today. I told him no. He mentioned he wanted to check out his land and take pictures. I brushed it off and said I was comfy in my pajamas.

A few minutes later I looked up from cyber-land and glanced out the window. The snow had stopped and the wind was calm. I decided to put on my boots and go for a walk. Walking has always been my choice of mental elixirs and cardio.

I was returning from said walk when the school bus slid to a halt and the scenario began to play out. I found myself thinking that in a world that seems to have gone bat shit crazy for so many of us, there is still hope for mankind. There is still beauty to be seen. There are still random acts of kindness to be witnessed.

This…THIS was the true reason I was led to cancel my yoga session. I know it. I feel it.  A little healing energy/love wrapped up as a bus driver and a littlie. THIS is why the succession of the other non-coincidental events unfolded the way they did. THIS was my liminal, my suspended breath. It’s over now. I’m breathing again and I am looking forward to the something new that is beginning.


NOTE: What emotionally took place isn’t for you to know, at least not now. Someday, I may write about it but for now, I choose to keep it private. Please respect this. I will not answer questions and I do not have it in me to respond to your individual well-wishing, encouraging emails, texts, FB posts and phone messages. If you’d like to send me love spiritually, I’d welcome that. Know that I’ll thank you spiritually, too.

Sunshine

sunshineI am a self-described sun-safety girl. I wear sunscreen, a hat and avoid the mid-day sun like a mole. If I do need to be outside, I seek shade.

Imagine my surprise when I recently (medically) tested TOXIC for Vitamin D. Oh yes! I can almost see your jaw dropping to the ground. After all, what North Dakotan is EVER toxic for Vitamin D? Well, me, evidently. Sun-Safety Girl.

I had orally taken 3000 i.u of a Vitamin D 3 supplement throughout the bleak North Dakota winters for several years. (I thought I was only taking 2000 but I didn’t account for the 1000 in my multi-vitamin.) I had always ended the additional supplementation during the summer months but this year was different. I was experiencing a lot of symptoms that led me to believe I was deficient in Vitamin D.  When I had previously (last year) visited with my doctor she said she had quit testing for Vitamin D deficiency as everyone seemed to be deficient.

By July, I had been experiencing overwhelming lethargy for several weeks. I’m not just talking about being tired, I’m talking I couldn’t function. By early to mid-afternoon on most days, I was a zombie. If I was able to nap, I fell asleep within minutes. If I wasn’t able to nap, I could barely get my eyes to focus. I’m not exaggerating, this was very real.

It was a blessing and a curse to be so busy with Reiki energy/clients. I would feel amazing while I was working with them, but once my workday was finished, or sometimes even in-between clients, I wanted to collapse. Several times I worried I would fall asleep in the car, while driving home. THAT is the crushing tiredness I felt.

My body seemed to be constantly hot, too. I’m not talking about hormonal flushing/flashing, either. I’m talking about a constant internal thermometer that was several degrees higher than the norm.  Sleeping was incredibly difficult as, I imagine, my body felt like it had continual internal sunburn.

The days where I would get some sunshine were worse. It seemed to intensify the negative effects. I would find myself mumbling to my husband at 6:30, “I have to go to bed. Now.”  This didn’t happen often as I felt like I had to power through my tiredness. Of COURSE I did, right moms?

My brain was having issues, too. Foggy thinking, memory problems and impatience were common. My body had lower abdominal pain, muscle weakness, ringing in my ears, bloating and joint pain.

I couldn’t know that my body was feeling as if it had just spent all day in the summer sun, at the lake, in the water and without sunscreen. I just thought it was more menopause fun and games. After all, the symptoms are very similar.

Finally, at the end of August, I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew something was seriously wrong when I was thinking thoughts that were very unlike me. I emailed my doctor and said, “I know I’m deficient in Vitamin D, I just don’t know how much. Can you test me, please?” So she did. She not only tested me for Vitamin D but for thyroid, parathyroid, iron, ferritin, B-12, etc.

As a side note, during this time Susie and I would work (Reiki) on each other and Sus kept seeing lots of red, orange, yellow and a smidgen of blue and white colors being absorbed into my body. She kept saying I was assimilating the sun; I was becoming sunshine.  I was also experiencing “solar flares” (yes, just like the physical sun) which caused my body to run hotter at times. She saw a sun-like orb being absorbed into my solar plexus area.

Once I received my test results, I immediately stopped all forms of Vitamin D. Well, sort of. I still took my fish oil and ate copious amounts of organic eggs. I didn’t know, until writing this blog, that eggs and some fish oils contain Vita D. (Head slap) Good Christ. How much Vitamin D was I REALLY getting?!

Within two days of being off most forms of Vita D, I remember thinking, “Oh my God. I have patience (with my daughter) and I’m actually smiling and enjoying playing with her again instead of wishing I could go to bed. How long has it been like this?!”

It’s been a month now since I’ve severely reduced my consumption of Vitamin D and I am significantly less fatigued.  I am sleeping better and my body seems to be several degrees cooler at night. My brain fog has lifted slightly and my joints no longer ache. I seem to be able to make it through my client load without crumpling.

I’m by no means feeling like a spring chicken. I AM dealing with hormones (egads, that’s almost more scary than being Vitamin D toxic!), but I am much, much better.  When a gal in my gym class recently said, “You’re just like sunshine!” I smiled but muttered inside my head, “If you only knew the half of it, sistah. If you only knew.”

Channeled Message 9.24.15

change

“The time is upon us for great change. Some of you have felt it for months; others are just beginning to feel it. Regardless, it is a time for change.

We have been patient. We have been kind. We have wondered if you were going to make the leap, to go to the next level. Some of you will find this transition as easy as waking up in the morning. Others will not be so lucky.

Look at your neighbor, your cubicle mate, the person who serves your favorite beverage. Look at the street cleaners, the laborers, the President.  Look at the infants, the infirm and the outraged. Look at all of them. Look. At. Them.  They, too, will be going through this marvelous and magnificent Change. You are not alone in this and neither are they.

Some of you will breeze through this and give nary a thought as to what is going on. Others will fair far worse. It is to those that we wish to speak today.

Dear Ones, do not feel unenlightened for we tell you that you have all the answers locked in a safe place deep inside of you. If you are feeling restless, what is it that you need to let go of? What is it that you need to change? If you are feeling overly hostile, what is it that you covet? What is it that you think you don’t already have? Are you seeking inner peace (We think that is such an over rated term), are you seeking divine assistance? Well, then, you must be willing to change.

The World as you know it will cease to exist shortly after dark midnight. A great wind will blow away the stink and the stench and only that which is pure of heart will be left unblemished. You will feel the energy change; the air will feel lighter, more pure somehow, less dense. You will feel less encumbered, like it is easier for you to breathe. We promise ALL of you this.  But for those who are restless, agitated, tired, bored, resentful, we promise you MORE.

To those we promise the release of those hateful and hurtful energies if you will but just take the first step. You may have already done so but it has not materialized on the human plane yet. Just let go. It is as easy as that. Let go.

If you are holding tight to an outdated value or moral code, examine it. How does it fit in with this “new” world?  If you are stubbornly holding your ground, check to see if there is any ground left to hold. If you are angry or aggressive, understand that you are not alone but that these feelings cannot be tolerated where you are (eventually) going. They simply do not exist in this World (Angelic realm).

What is making you angry? Is it being held back? Then let go. Is it being malnourished (spiritually)? Then open up your heart for a feast. Is it being tired? Then know the rest and replenishment you seek is yours for the taking. But you HAVE TO LET GO.

clenched-fistSome of you grip so tightly to antiquated versions of yourself that we cannot understand why you do not see the beauty you are to become. You hold tightly to what you believe, but what if what you believe has all changed? We see we have startled some of you.  Yes, it is true. What you believe, your tenets, ethics, code, morality, may have all changed. Have you bothered to check in with yourself to see what truly matters? Have you bothered to take a ‘pulse check’? If you will, you may see that doing things by rote is making you uncomfortable.

Some of you are being called to do Higher things. This may make you moderately uncomfortable at first, but once you embrace the idea, things will feel as natural as the skin you inhabit.

This One (uhhh…me…oh man…what now…) has made many great changes in her life although they have been subliminal. She has taken a stand, she has used her voice and she has seen her value increase. She is not ego driven so do not mistake what she is doing for that, she is human driven. She longs to serve, to help, to aid. She longs to make a difference in just one life. She is not so different from most of you, correct? So follow her lead, her example. Her light shines brighter than ever now. She has overcome some outdated obstacles and feels freer.  What used to work for her no longer does and we are not just talking about all things spiritual. No, this has also been very physical for her.  It may be for you as well.

We are here. We love you all. Yes, each and every one of you makes a difference, DAILY, in someone’s lives. Embrace this change for if you do not, it may wreck you. We do not wish to appear dire, but we do have your spiritual well-being in the forefront of our mind.

What is not working for you? CHANGE IT!  For if you think we are full of folly, then you will see how miserable the next six months will be.  Walk with us as with us, the wind is blowing in the right direction.

We honor all of you. This change is not easy but it must be done. Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. What does that mean? Each of you, individually, knows what your heart longs for. Take steps to obtain it.  We wish for you nothing else.  We love your souls.”

Mahalum

She’s been coming to see, off and on, for years. She is an artist, a painter, a writer, a photographer. She earns her living by marketing for a local non-profit. Our Intuitive Reiki sessions are often filled with whimsical colors that she often incorporates into her art.

I love our sessions; she is never demanding and always respectful. She is understanding of my limits and accepts that I don’t have all the answers. She recognizes the worth of Reiki and she delights in my “humanness.”  Our sessions have been nothing short of reverent.

She is, thankfully, the poster child for the norm in my Intuitive Reiki business. I’m writing about her, specifically, because of something that caused my jaw to drop to the floor. I could be writing about any of my clients as I’ve had these moments before. But this one? This one left me shaken in a crikey, Scoob! kind of way.

When she entered my office she said she felt like a bird in a cage. She wanted some direction as to what she should do next. As she was telling me this I heard the word, “book” so when she finished I told her just that. Her hazel eyes misted over, she smiled and her hand went to her upper chest. She said she SO wants to write a book. I tilted my head and smiled a little “well, there you go” smile.

Our session began like any other. As is often the case, the Guys love to pepper her sessions with some inanity. They recently told her not to walk away from an impulse buy or she would regret it. They tell her she’s taking life to seriously; she needs more laughter. They tell her to urge her daughter to reconsider how she’s wearing her hair in her wedding. Yes, seriously.

I chuckle at this stuff, but it’s no secret my angels deal with the spiritual so each one of these seemingly trivial things is designed for my client to grow/heal spiritually. My client gets that and doesn’t dismiss these lighter toned messages.

The energy changed to all business when I quit channeling and began delivering pure Reiki to the top of her head. I heard that this session wasn’t going to be as relaxing as her previous sessions; it would be more intense. I relayed this information to her and as is her usual, she accepted it with grace.

It’s not often anymore that I’m led to telepathically infuse the Reiki symbols during a session but this time I was. Sort of. I began with the first two symbols you learn in Reiki II and then I heard, “Mahalum.”  Whaaa? That’s not a Reiki symbol. What is THAT? Mahalo? Mahalum? I shrugged my shoulders, mentally cleared my mind and tried again. I repeated the two accepted healing symbols and when it was time for me intone the sequential third, I once again heard, “Mahalum.”

Well, what the WHAT?! Mahalum? What IS that? I had no idea but went with it. As is the standard, I repeated the name of the two symbols again and then “Mahalum” was again inserted.  I thought it was just so odd as you don’t muck with the Reiki symbols. Ever. I have great respect for these symbols as they are powerful little things. To just throw a “Mahalum” in there floored me.

After her session ended, I looked up Mahalum in my trusty 1986 dictionary. Hummm… Mahalum. Nope, nothing and that’s normally where I’d leave it. But something was “encouraging” me to look further. I typed, “Mahalum” into my search engine and nothing came up in the drop down box.

I left it at that and talked some more with my client but it was still bugging me. My client said it would come up for her somewhere in some unexpected way. She was fine with that but I picked up my phone again and entered, “Mahalum” and this time I pressed the magnifying glass (search) button and don’t you know, low and behold, there was information on this word. It was in Hindi so I had it translated to English and my eyes, which have spiritually seen so much, become as large as the eyes of an owl.

My jaw hit the floor. I looked at her and then back to the google search results. I read the answer again and then I looked up at her slightly shaking my head in disbelief. I managed to stammer a very unprofessional, “Holy SHIT! You are NOT going to believe this!” before my mouth fell open again. I was having so much trouble coming to grips with what I was reading.

While I was getting my freak out on, she calmly sat leaning forward in her chair and didn’t say a word. She knew I’d get there eventually and no worry crossed her face. She patiently gazed at me as she had a hundred times.

I stammered again, “You, uhhh, you are NOT going to believe this. Ok. Ok” as if I was talking myself into doing something. Yes, that was how astounded I was at what I was reading and how deeply my intuitive abilities sometimes flat out flabbergast me. I looked at her, took a deep breath and said, “Mahalum is Hindi for “to write.”

book

Angel

I was making our bed this morning when I glanced up and saw the most beautiful angel standing in the corner of our bedroom. He was very tall (7 or 8 feet), very handsome (understatement) and dressed in all black. He had dark, shoulder-length wavy hair and mesmerizing sapphire blue eyes. While I’m not in the habit of seeing angels in our bedroom, I really didn’t think much about it. Lately, strange shit has been happening both inside and outside of my work environment.

I did startle but rallied quickly and greeted him with a casual, “Oh, don’t-mind-me. I’m-just-making-our-bed” voice, “Hey dude! What’s up?”  He smiled a smile that had the ability to make me forget how to breathe but he didn’t answer.  I thought again of how breathtakingly, ethereally beautiful he was. I shrugged my shoulders, finished making the bed and left for work.

When I returned home, I changed clothes and as is my practice, I began walking to get my dolly from daycare. The same angel easily and quietly fell in step beside me before I got half way down the block.

I thought, “This is odd. What the hell is this angel …oh ohhh.” I instantly flashed back to when my dad was dying and the angel that came for him. That angel, equally as astonishingly beautiful was also dressed in black but he had jet black eyes (don’t freak out; Hollywood has demonized black eyes but they’re not to be feared!).

I snapped a terse, “Dude. What are you doing? Why are you here?!” And he calmly said, “I am here to protect you.”  I said, “Are you sure? The last time I saw your kind you took my dad Home.” He repeated, “I am here to protect you.”

My mind went to my husband. He, whom I love beyond what a mere word can convey, has been having some unexplained health concerns recently. He is a Gulf War veteran and the chemical warfare used by the other side was/is insidious. Many of those chemicals were designed to activate slowly in order to disable and debilitate our troops over the course of decades.

I had just told him, less than a week ago, that my spidey sense was tingling as there had been too many signs recently.  You see, I have been seeing threes everywhere again, in fact, just the other night I awoke at exactly 3:33. There are no coincidences and I’ve been trying to figure out what all these threes mean. Lawdy, I wish this spiritual stuff came with a manual.

You can understand my frame of mind when I said to the angel, “You’re not here for my husband, are you? I’ve been seeing threes everywhere for the last three months. Are you here for him?!”  Again he calmly said, “I am here to protect you.”

So, that was what…three (THREE again?!! Are you SHITTING ME?! Come ON!) times he stated he was here to protect me. And yet I still didn’t believe him. In fact, I was so freaked out, I called my husband while this angel walked beside me and told him about this whole exchange. I asked him to be extra careful. He said it sounded like I needed to be extra careful. Well, what the hell? Me? What?

During the walk, the angel’s body language was casual but his eyes were vigilant. He stayed outside while I retrieved my daughter and as we started walking again, I asked Ceta if she could see the angel next to me. She twisted her head both ways and said no. She asked how I could see the angel and I told her I didn’t know how I could. I described him to her as if that would somehow magically allow her to see him. She shook her head and said she didn’t see anything.

I then heard the angel say, “I love her.” I told Ceta that and before she could say anything, I heard him say, “I respect her. I admire her.” As I finished telling Ceta this she said, “How can you hear that, mommy? I didn’t hear anything.”  I told her I sometimes hear with my head, not with my ears.  She asked how I could do that and I told her I didn’t really know.

As we continued our walk home, the energy (mood) changed. The angel said again, “I am here to protect you.” He must have been answering a question I didn’t even know I’d asked but his response was REALLY starting to freak me out. I started having a very physical reaction, too. I could feel my breath and heart rate quicken as if I was preparing for a flight, fight or freeze scenario.

As my body was physically reacting to some unseen stimuli, I intuitively heard, “Cross the street.”  I didn’t, of course, as I didn’t see what the big dealio was and besides, I was waiting to cross at the crosswalk (safety girl!). A few steps later I heard, “Cross the street.” This time it was a little more forceful but I still didn’t cross the street. I was having an internal conversation with myself that went something like this: “I’ll cross the street when I am damn good and ready, like when I get to a walking path or a driveway.” I’m a teensy bit stubborn that way and besides, I STILL didn’t see any danger. But after my internal convo faded and I took a few more strides, I became very agitated and felt like I had just moved into a high alert status.

This time the telepathic voice commanded I cross the street. Boy howdy, you didn’t have to ask me twice (this time). Nope! I didn’t wait for my own human eyes to pick up the danger or for the upcoming crosswalk. I went all Jackie Chan and cut right through someone’s yard and then through someone else’s yard. By Jove, I got to the other side of the street and I did it by picking ‘em up and putting ‘em down, like right NOW.

During my “going rogue” episode, Ceta said, “Mommy. Mommy! What are you doing, mommy?!” I said, “I wish I knew, honey, but I have to cross the street NOW.”  This is so unlike me that Ceta said, “You shouldn’t do that mommy” which is her response when she senses an injustice. Lord help the child who’s not wearing a bike helmet while riding a bike if Ceta’s around. She is SO the Lawbreaker Police.

My heart rate settled as did my breath. I couldn’t visibly detect any harm coming from the other side of the street but then again, our physical vision IS very limited. On the new side of the street, I did stop for a lady backing out of her driveway as she didn’t see us. I thought that was kind of weird as if I had stayed on the other side of the street, this situation wouldn’t have happened. But maybe something else, something far worse, might have.

My black clad, black winged companion chaperoned Ceta and I until we returned home. Safely. Has the danger passed? I don’t know. Tonight, though, I’m arming our security system. I may be um, “challenging” (ahem!) but I’m not stupid. And the angel? I just spotted him folding his huge frame into the rocking chair that sits next to my baby girl’s bed. His demeanor says, “I got this, momma. Rest easy. I’ll be here all night keeping watch.”

And that gives me a sense of protection that no armed security system ever will.

Misty

She was the first person I saw as I rushed through my office building doors. She captivated my attention instantly. My first thought of her was, “gypsy” and I heard, “whimsical.” My second thought was that she was incredibly vulnerable. I wanted to go to her instantly and hug her but instead I stayed connected to her by staring into her eyes.

She was dressed in all black. Her beautiful, dark, lustrous hair was piled loosely in a disheveled bun on the top of her head.  I found that this style added to her mystique. She smiled a broad, welcoming smile that was inviting.

Misty was there because it was right; it was finally time. She had looked into taking my Reiki I class last fall and it just hadn’t worked out. She tried to talk herself out of this class the week prior but she worked through it and now was one of my six students.

Misty has a kindness about her; an intrigue. She hides her vulnerability behind a smile that draws you in but when you look at her eyes you see the sadness reflected there if you know where to look. She is gentle, engaging, hospitable and kind. She is a mother to three young boys. She is a wife.

But look closely and you’ll see she has become much older mentally than her physical age belies. Misty is exhausted. She is terrified. She is angry. She is grieving. She is in insurmountable pain. She is in a constant state of high anxiety.

Misty hides this part of herself like you would hide a deep, sacred secret. She’s not one to let others know her pain as she doesn’t want to burden them nor does she want to be a burden.  Unfortunately for her (or maybe fortunately?) she is now in a room full of Empaths and Intuitives. And if you’ll pardon the expression, I’d like to give a nod to the recently completed Shark Week, she was like a drop of blood in a room full of highly astute (nurse) sharks.

I began class and as is my practice, I asked what brings everyone to me. When it is her turn to talk, she instantly tears up and then apologizes for it. I pooh pooh the tears and tell her they are welcome here. Always. Others are on the brink of tears, too. One sweet lady, who hasn’t yet discovered she is Intuitive or Empathic, makes fun of her own tears in an effort to cope.

Misty weaves a short story of what finally brought her to me and at the end she allows us a glimpse of her inner pain. She tells us about her husband who is her everything. This is the man she has chosen to have children with, the one she doesn’t want to live without and the one who was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

When we reach the part of class where we scan through the energy (auric field) of the person laying on the Reiki table, I brace myself. It was Misty’s turn to be scanned and to receive Reiki.

I mentally took a deep breath and held it. I physically slammed my eyes shut thinking I could keep out what I was about to intuitively see. Pshaw. As if. I outwardly winced and I remember thinking, “You’re teaching a class here. You can’t fall to pieces. Just get through it. Go.” I knew scanning her energetic/auric body was going to be filled with emotional land mines, tortured thoughts and abysmal pain but I wasn’t even close to being prepared.

I felt it all. I felt the anger, the panic, the anxiety, the constant worry, the injustice, the sleep deprivation, the bargaining and the overwhelming anguish. I felt it all. From her head to her toes in just four seconds. I felt all of that.

I tried not to let on what I had just sensed, felt and knew out of respect for her and my students. I prayed nobody heard me raggedly inhale and exhale an audible breath. But we were in a room full of intuitive ladies who just wanted to help others heal so I’m not sure how successful I was. I do know I couldn’t make eye contact with any of my students as I was afraid they’d see what I had just learned.

Jodi was next to scan Misty’s auric field. I silently begged her not to do it but she is ballsy and not one to back down from anything energetic. She began scanning and made it to Misty’s heart/chest area when her direct, light blue gaze filled with tears. She stopped, blinked her eyes and shook out her hands and arms. Like someone stunned, she took a deep breath and tried again; same response.

I watched, unblinkingly, as she tried a third time. Her hands/arms hovered and shook over Misty’s heart area and my own heart went out to her. Jodi’s surprised eyes once again filled with tears and this time, she stepped away from Misty. She shook her hands and arms as if she had just received an electric shock. She looked directly at me and apologetically and softly said she couldn’t do it; she couldn’t get through (Misty’s auric body).  I nodded with understanding.

My five newly attuned Reiki I students and I took up our places around the prone Misty. I, as always, encouraged my student to go to a spot where their intuition led them. I noticed all but one of them were at her upper body. Sounds about right.

I had placed my hands on her left leg and I found myself gently and softly rocking her lower leg. Across from me was another student. She is a woman whose energy was so maternal and calming that I found myself petting her arm earlier in class. She was lightly stroking Misty’s right leg.

And then it happened.

Sweet Misty, the woman who was trying to hold it all together so her children weren’t frightened, so that her husband wouldn’t be scared and so that she could function, let out a keening, mewling, guttural noise that came from deep within her. It was filled with a pain so deep that I can’t even begin to dignify or quantify it. It was filled with her fear; fear of being on her own, fear of losing her beloved husband, fear for her children and fear of being financially bereft.

One amazing young-but-old student leaned over Misty and did what I couldn’t do; she softly whispered, “Let it out” and Misty did. The keening turned into deep, gut-wrenching sobs and I believe each one of us felt her silent, private and deeply personal pain.

I had been holding back tears all day (I know, I know!! I was just afraid of looking – gasp – unprofessional! Oh the horror!) and I couldn’t do it anymore. Her cries were so feral, sooooooo visceral that I had a hard time not falling to my knees.  I closed my eyes to give her some privacy and tears rolled down my cheeks. We were all experiencing something profoundly miserable and yet beautiful; one of us was releasing deep pain and starting the healing process.

Misty’s release didn’t last long. I could feel when her healing began. I could feel when she released what she needed to and embraced what she wanted to. I could feel her allowing us to give back to her and I could feel her accepting our help.

Misty gave up five hours to be with us in order to learn Reiki. Those precious five hours could have been spent with her husband. She split up her three children with different caretakers in order to be sure they were taken care of. She raced home during our lunch break just to be sure her husband had eaten. She did all of this because she felt so strongly about attending this class.

There are no coincidences. You get that, right? And the Guys constantly tell us, via their channeled messages, that we are ALL one. These amazing women had all come together not only to learn the ancient healing art of Usui Reiki, but to help one of their own; their sister. It humbles me to be so very aware of this.

I was deeply touched by Misty’s grace, her love for her husband/family, her plight and the raw emotion I felt on so many levels. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t personally touched me. In fact, I went home and hugged my own beloved, healthy, warm and strong husband a little bit longer. And then I hugged him again, a little bit tighter. And then I decided it wasn’t such a big deal if he occasionally leaves a light on or wears his shoes inside.

I bet Misty would give anything to have her husband do just that for the next 50 years.

.

(If it feels right, please join me in sending prayers/energy to Misty and her family. I’d ask that you intend for the energy/prayers to help with all that is for their highest good instead of directing them to heal.)

Protector

I recently had the privilege of meeting a young lady whose sole/soul purpose is to protect. To be clear, she is a Protector. I capitalize that word as that is her title; it is who she is and what she does.

She doesn’t come from Earth. Outwardly, she looks and acts like a normal human. She is pretty but doesn’t see it. She thinks she needs to lose weight. She doesn’t like being noticed and dresses in clothes that hide her. It’s easy for her to forget she is a woman.

She is on constant alert. She doesn’t sleep well. She thinks about all the things that could go wrong. She plans. She keeps her mind active by creating scenarios of actions to be taken in the event something does go wrong. She is a wife. She is a mother.

During her session, I was afforded a nano second of a past life glimpse. She, then a man, was a Pharaoh’s guard and while he sat on the throne, her position was directly to his right. She was a highly trained adversary and her existence was dedicated to protecting and serving her king. Nothing else mattered.

She carries all of those honed instincts within her DNA today. She comes from a place where trusting in others will get you killed, or worse, cause the death of the one you swore to protect. She does not fully trust in this lifetime; not even her husband. The only one she completely trusts is herself.

She has never felt like she has fit in and because of her trust issues, she hides a lot of memories/emotions/feelings from others, including her mate.  Normally, when I see/hear this, the Guys are encouraging my clients to open their hearts. After all, you can’t receive complete love (from others, yourself and God) if you do not give it. But for her, they were silent.

She was told to eat “exotic and spicy” food as she is bored by “everyday food” and it doesn’t nourish her.  Their meaning wasn’t clear. It could physically mean she needs to branch out beyond (yawn) hamburgers and hot dogs OR it could spiritually mean she needs to find new and intriguing energetic foods to sustain her.

The Guys talk about her two children and the energy surrounding this topic instantly changes to all business. It sharpens and becomes tense as if it is on high alert. There is something almost animalistic about it. This Protector momma will leave no stone unturned to ensure the safety of her children. Now, don’t confuse what I’ve written by thinking she is a “momma badger” or a “helicopter mom” as she is neither. She is unconcerned about skinned knees, petty fights or bruised egos; she is concerned with their protection; their primal existence. They are her “charges.”

She can’t turn this off; this is who she IS. She came back to this world, this Earth, for a reason, a purpose. She is a Protector and has had to make many sacrifices due to this. She feels alone and lonely as she hasn’t found anyone else of her kind. What must it be like to not fully trust anyone but yourself or another Protector?

She feels different from other moms too, like an outsider. She is, as it was explained to me, like an advanced Being who has returned to life in the cave man era. She is highly telepathic and used to communicating in that mode but now she must use an archaic and slow form of communication called talking. To her, this way of communicating is outdated and clumsy.

She isn’t very social. She really doesn’t like people and she prefers to keep to herself. The reason for this is a bigger crowd means more threats. More threats mean more vigilance. More vigilance means more chances of something going wrong. More chances of something going wrong means more Plan B options.

Because her body is in a constant state of high-alert stress, her cortisol levels are chronically elevated and she suffers from cold after cold after cold.  Starting a new form of exercise induces fear because there are so many variables.

She is so very intriguing to me as I’ve not experienced anything like her.  Yes, I have given Reiki to amazing Aliens who just want to help mankind, but not Protectors. I have not had this fierce, gung ho warrior, “I’m-willing-to-die-for-my-charges” energy before.

Transformers 1She is Hollywood’s version of a Transformer. In fact, the name that was whispered to me was, “Magnatron.”   She is a woman, a human woman, but she can transform into a powerful, bad-assed weapon if needed.

Protectors; I see you. I can’t begin to understand the sacrifices you unquestioningly make but I can understand your drive to do so. It’s what you know. It’s who you are. I am in awe of your raw devotion and unwavering watchfulness.  Thank you.  Thank you for coming back to a place that is light years behind you. Thank you for walking among us and keeping your “charges” inexplicably safe.

And to my new client: Thank you for showing me, wowing me really, with another facet of what often remains unseen.

Channeled Message 5.11.15

“Dear Ones. We speak to you today as a show of solidarity; unity. There has not been one step of the way in which we have not been with you. Yes, we honor your feelings of loneliness and being abandoned but that is not the way it truly is. Some of you feel left out in the cold; others feel like they are sitting next to a warm fire. How can that be? Different “career” paths.

This One (Melissa) is tired. We see the strain this energy surge is having on her. She doesn’t know whether she is coming or going and yet she tends to the masses as much as we can. We adore her for plodding forward even when she wants to curl up on her famed couch and have a good nap or cry or both. She is chiding us now for letting too much personal information about her escape; she is private, this One.  But we do so to let you all know that we see all and hear all. Some of you doubt that; doubt us. It is time to put that all behind you.

The time that we have spoken about is almost upon us. Even now the spring rains cleanse all that cannot adhere. How can you apply that to your own life? Watch as you release the grip you have on that which no longer serves you. Watch as the color you hold so tightly in your hand begins to run and fade with the rain. It is all an illusion. Your control, your power, your greed; it is all an illusion.

We have asked many of you to forsake the “old” ways and many of you have. However, there are still a few of you (100,000 or more) who continue to rigidly and stubbornly cling to that which needs to be changed.  It is those people we are reaching out for today. It is those people who will feel like a Mack truck has hit them IF THEY DO NOT CHANGE. We cannot be any clearer; the 11th hour is upon us all.

If you know someone who fiercely clings to the old ways, it is up to you to help them see the light. You must be able to assist them, in any way they need.  We are all one. So for you to help them, means you are helping yourself. If someone is struggling to let go an outdated emotion, help them see the beauty in the New. Help them overcome. Help them succeed. Help them become stronger for to do so only helps all of you.

There will be more winds to blow away what the rain has loosened. Let it blow. There may even been electric storms as well. Let it happen. There will be change. Let it happen. There will be love and there will be sorrow. Let it happen. Let it happen. Let it happen.

We leave you now knowing many millions of you are just as tired as this Little One who patiently transcribes our messages and houses our Beings. Know that redemption is coming, one day at a time, a rest and playful time that is well earned and will be well received.

Be at peace. You are many. You are strong. You are empowered. Help those who cannot help themselves for to do any less is to let your own self down. Know that “this” is almost over and that a new cycle will begin.  Where will you be? Prostrate and bent or cautiously curious? We hope you join the “cautiously curious” breed as that is of the New.

We leave you now knowing nothing is as it shall be and the universe is your pearl. God speed.”