“Agnostic”

Melissa’s Note: I didn’t start out writing the blog that this became.  In truth, I was tired of repeatedly hearing the word “agnostic” and decided it must be the Word of the Month that my Guys wanted me to pass on to you.  I even looked up the meaning in the dictionary (see below), but as usual, when I sat down to compose the blog; something else sprang from my fingertips. 

Before I continue, I need to tell you about the other person involved in this story. She is one of my besties and has known me since 1989. She lovingly and kindly took me under her wing when I first moved to Fargo. She invited me into her home and to her son’s football game. We struck up an odd friendship (I was very outspoken and she was very tactful) that has persevered through divorces, deaths, weddings, children and many, many good bottles of wine. She knows the ‘old’ me and the ‘new’ me and I love her dearly. 

Recently we met for lunch and she mentioned she talked about me at her bible study.  I instantly reverted back to my old, icky insecure feelings of ‘Why? Who would want to talk about me? I’m just some gal from Minot.’  Yes, I know. I’m working on this. Hey! I’m a work in progress, too, you know. 😉   

When I asked her why, she said they were talking about wisdom and she told her group I was the wisest person she knew.  Well {blink, blink}, I didn’t see THAT coming.  Me? The wisest person this amazingly beautiful, gentle, loving gift from God knew was me? ME?!!! Of all the people she has met over the years. Of all the people who have helped her grow and heal and laugh, she said my name?! I smiled and with astonishment said, ‘I AM?! I had NO idea!’ She smiled and nodded her head yes. I asked, “Why?” 

She said something that led me to have one of my most profound moments in a long time. I’ll paraphrase this as it’s already been a week and I’m not sure my brain can remember what I did this morning. Ahem.  She said she told her group that I used to be rather agnostic. I had to stop her as I didn’t know the meaning of that word. I’d been ‘hearing’ it for weeks and now she just said it. No coincidences, right? She told me the definition and then indicated how the ‘old’ me may have believed in God, but didn’t believe in God. 

Ahhhhh grassshopppahhhhhhhh.  That got me thinking. I was raised going to church. I was baptized, confirmed and married in a church. But going to church did not resonate with me, not as a child, a teen or even as an adult. Perhaps I hadn’t found the right church or religion, but that’s neither here nor there. I was bored, bored, BORED by the sermons. I didn’t understand the language or the topics. My dad would reprimand me if I was fidgeting. It was an hour of me trying to find things to think about and appear like I was semi-alert. The only thing I truly liked was singing the hymns. 

But, as my bestie went on to say, the ‘old’ me didn’t talk about God even though I had a structured religious upbringing. Now, some 15 years later (insert irony here), I have evolved into a highly spiritual person and she says I can’t stop talking about God. 

Well, I’ll be knocked over with a feather. She’s right but did YOU see that one coming?! Me either!!   That’s what I love about my Work, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.    

And now on to the definition of Agnostic, as defined by my Webster’s 9th collegiate dictionary:

  1. to know – more to KNOW
  2. one who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable.
  3. noncommittal, undogmatic, doubtful 

I get why my Guys were hounding me with this word. That’s another thing I love about my Work. When I hear words that are repeated and repeated and repeated (you know, until I wise up and look up the definition), there is always a spiritual meaning relevant to you, others or me.  For me, I think I’m being told there is ‘more to KNOW.’

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