“What’s your problem!? You should be able to figure this out. You’re not a child, you’re an adult. Figure it out!” If I had a dime, no a penny, for every time I’ve thought something like this about myself, I’d be able to retire. Seriously (eye roll).
What am I talking about? Glad you asked. I was going to tell you anyway, but I’m glad you asked. The other day I was working on a client who has been battling a long standing issue. When I was over her heart area, I ‘heard’ her say, “You’re so stupid. You should be able to figure this out. You’re highly educated and yet you still can’t get a handle on this.” My mouth dropped open and I asked her if this was true. She said it was.
I don’t know what surprised me more; her intuitive information or the fact that I do the same thing! Maybe it startled me because well, it was her. She’s a highly educated and accomplished woman who teaches at the collegiate level. Maybe it was because of this exact thing, her with her vast education and me with my limited one, which allowed me to realize we are mentally doing the same harmful thing.
I received some life changing intuitive information after those thoughts left my mind. I was told she needed to treat herself like the student, not the teacher. Awwwww. Yes… that makes perfect sense and I listened to those wise words as well.
We talked about how when we reach a certain age, we think we should have the answers to why we do or don’t do certain things. We talked about how we belittle ourselves when we can’t arrive at an answer. We also talked about how we would never speak harshly to ourselves for not knowing how to perform, say, brain surgery if we weren’t a brain surgeon. And yet, for things we deem we should know the solution to, we berate and chide ourselves constantly.
The Guys had a valid point (yes, I’ll give you that one Guys) when they said, ‘become the student.’ When we want to learn about a particular subject, we try and find teachers to help us. Those teachers could be at the academic level, Google level or even the spiritual level. But in matters that deal with ourselves, instead of seeking a teacher we use harmful negative self-talk.
There are so many flaws with this line of thinking. I mean, you wouldn’t try to improve your knowledge with a verbal beat down, would you? Uhhh, the answer is ‘no’ in case you’re still thinking about this. No! You’d find the answers. So it makes me wonder; at what point do we feel we are omnipotent about our own lives? When do we consider ourselves adults and feel we should know everything about ourselves in order to solve our sometimes life-long dilemmas?
How about the next time you catch yourself being internally harsh about a problem you think you should have the answers to, you change your response. Maybe you say, “I don’t have the answers but I’ll try to find someone who does.” Wouldn’t that feel more empowering than snapping, “Grow up. You’re not a child! Figure it OUT.” And the answer is ‘yes’ for those of you still thinking about this.
In life, we don’t stop learning. Putting unrealistic expectations on yourself about what knowledge you should have once you become an ‘adult’ only opens the door for negative, abusive self-talk. After all, we don’t reach a certain magical age and know it all about ourselves. We still – and always will be – students who need teachers.